Whats the most fun thing you can do with hangers and a vaccum cleaner? -abort babies

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did Sally fly off the swing, She had no arms Knock knock *Who's there* Not Sally

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what did the penis say to the vagina? SMACK SMACK SMACK

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Why did Sally have a headache? She had a Brian tumor the size of an eggplant.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call a deaf black man? Well, if you did not already know his name, you would first have to contact a member of his family, or a friend, and ask them, as even if you were able to communicate the question of 'what is your name?' to the man, it is well known that the speech of deaf people is nowhere near as clear as that of people who are able to hear.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Whats The difference between a soccer mom and a pit bull? One's a dog ones a human. 363\

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What does a dyslexic person call God? Dog

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the college student post unfunny anti-jokes on anti-joke.com? Because he was bored shitless.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What do you call a group that has a microphone, a bass, two guitars and a drum kit? A Band

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Wanna know way i don't eat grapes? I hate Grapes.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I once went to a chiropractor. She was so awful looking. You know those weird spiky fish with the lightbulb hanging off it's head? .....I saw one in a documentary once.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!". The grasshopper turns and says "You've got a drink named Steve?"

thumb_up thumb_down +46

A man walks into a bar and orders a pop because he was a designated driver

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car. A. Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Is your daddy a thief? Because he stole my wallet.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

An old man gets into a van with two little boys. They are his grandsons.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the sign say at Disney World? Disney World.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Guess what? Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Yo daddy!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting owl Interrupting owl- HOOOOOOOOOOOO

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did Tiger Woods say when his wife hit him with a golf club? "Why did you hit me with a golf club".

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops