- Anti Joke

What did the fish say to the octopus? nothing... fish cant talk.

why did the man have a hole in his face? because syphillis had eaten a hole in it

A man walks into a sofa. BANG

person: Ask me if i'm a tree other person: are you a tree? person: no

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

what did one sandwich say to another sandwich? nothing, sandwiches cant talk

Why did the blonde fall down the stairs? Somebody tripped her.

womans rights...

There's a tray of muffins in the oven. One muffin says, "man it's hot in here!" Another muffin says, "holy shit! A talking muffin!"

No, but it was a nice chance to pretend to, that was the scheme part I might have mentioned, people never figure out that you are fucking them over at the present, if you tell them you fucked them off in the past, they start thinking backwards, often ignoring those tiny details straight in front of them. Listen, call me a bit paranoid, but who the hell is Septimus and AzureDragon or whatever the fuck his little geek name was?

A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

America needs to burn Less fossil fuels to save the environment

wHY DIDN'T THE HORSE FINISH COLLEGE? HIS GRANT RAN OUT AN HE COULDN'T GET ANOTHER STUDENT LOAN.

A man walks into a bar. He goes up to the Bar Tender and says, "Hit me with all you got!" The bar tender then ducks down under the bar out of sight. He comes back up with a sledge hammer and viciously murders the man. Blood spews everywhere and many others are brutally murdered shortly afterwards. :)

Roses are red, violets are purple.

Knock knock! I'm in the shower, i'll be there in 5 minutes

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

Where does a king keep his armies? In his sleevies

What did the dwarf do after he sore a mole? Nothing. dwarfs are mythological creatures and therefore do not exist.

Knock Knock! Who's there? I have a gun. Get in the car.

Why was it raining lobsters? Because they ran out of men. Why did the basketball player miss the net? Because he was hit by a lobster

ive got nothing funny to say, so this is what its like to be a woman

What is funnier than an uncontrolled explosions? Most things, because explosions damage property, and cause deaths.

my hand is a DOLPHIN!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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