An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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It's easy to take part, just type your text below!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I'm not quite sure, but I just realized that my new pair of boxer briefs has ripped along the seam. Oh, and earlier this morning, I stubbed my toe pretty bad. The nail is all purple and the toe is all swollen, it was bleeding profusely until I put three bandages over the wound. It's still throbbing with pain. Oh, and also, a few months ago, I lost my job. It wasn't because I was constantly late or anything, it was more because as a server, I had been required to lift trays and stand and walk for the entirety of my shift. The only problem is, that about a year ago, I was involved in a serious car accident (once again, an occurrence that had not been due to my own actions). This car accident severed my spine in the L5 region. I can now barely walk for long periods of time, I find it impossible to run, I can no longer play sports and enjoy being a 21 year old male. I am in constant pain and it affects my breathing, my legs, the rest of my back, and also my teeth (due to the neurological connections dealing with the spinal cord). I am now currently looking for a new job, a more suitable job, to help sustain my hectic lifestyle. No, it is not a lifestyle of parties and what not, it is merely the lifestyle of living under roof and owning a used car. I have an alcoholic mother and my childhood was devoid a father. I raised myself, and to this day, I still have no family to help me through my financial struggles. I need nearly 2000 dollars in less than a week in order to pay all my bills, have my car fixed, and eat for another month. The only problem is, I have a dollar and 58 cents to my name. I wish I was this chicken, crossing roads, and what not, not just to get to the other side, but to live a better life. But, one can only wish.

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What's faster than a Nascar Racecar? My thoughts. -Juanita

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Yo mama so fat, she was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and has been instructed by her physician to exercise and regularly monitor her blood glucose levels.

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Why did the old man die? Because everyone dies

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why does everyone hate chris. cause he's a douchebag.

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Tifa, seriously... You cannot look like the game character and have the same name! HEY I am craving for a bit of infamy, how about we claim that we is I! Which will make me seem completely pathetic for spending the whole night chatting with myself... Which is not bad at all actually...

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What do you call 2 black men sitting on a porch? Craig and Smokey

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What's worse than not finding your true love in high school? Dying

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead.

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If 25 cows walk in to the grocery store, what do you have? A scared manager. MOO!

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What did the cat say to the chicken? Nothing. Animals are not capable of speaking.

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DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN

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How do you make a napkin dance? You can't. Stop having such unrealistic aspirations.

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how many birds did chuck norris kill with one stone? one.

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Why didn't the blind girl say hi to anyone? Because she was blind.

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While your reading this. A man is robbing your home and sodomizing your dog

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roses are blood violets are veins vampires are crazy and you are insane

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If rocks were people, what would you call a bunch of marble rolling down a hill? Rocks don't have the ability to be people.

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why did the man pee in public? ... he couldnt hold it in.

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My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. I guess I make a good milkshake.

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what do u call a person who reads anti.jokes a hipster

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What's worse than a teacher yelling at you? The holocaust

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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