How many kids does it take to get a day off of school? ...26

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roses are red and violets are blue and i was going to write something that rimes but that is not funny here.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there Not Suzie.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Roses are red violets are blue I have a pie would you like some?

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So this old redneck is sitting on his porch when he sees this boy walking down the road and hollers "What you got there boy?" "Chicken wire." "What you gonna do with that?" "Gonna catch me some chickens." The old guy thought: Dumb boy. You can't catch no chickens with chicken wire. Later that evening he sees the same boy walking with a bunch of chickens. The next day he sees the same boy walking with duct tape. "What you got there boy?" "Duct tape" The boy replies. "Gonna catch me some ducks." The old man leaned back and thought. "Dumb boy, you can't catch ducks with duct tape." Later that evening he sees the boy walking with a bunch of ducks. The next day he sees the same boy and hollers: "What you got there boy?" "I got me some pussy willow." The old man hollers: "Hold on, let me get my hat."

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roses are red violets are blue get down your trousers cause im waiting for you

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Knock Knock Who's there? The electrician, I'm here to fix your door bell.

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Will I be watching The Voice tonight? no.

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What do you call a cat with no ears? Anything you fucking well like. Cats can't understand speech.

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What's the difference between a black guy and a bucket of chicken? A lot.

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a man with a scar on his right hand walked in to a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x z y.

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why didnt the kid get anything for christmas? santa exploded

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what do you call a small midget? a smidget.

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"George? I wanna tend da wabbits, George" - Lennie Smalls

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Robert Dupra getting a girlfriend.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Women's rights.

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Q: How many Jewish people can fit in a four door sedan? A: 4, or possibly 5, depending on the sedan's optional seating, and depending on whether the gentleman are comfortable enough with each other to scoot closer to allow a 5th friend to join in.

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Why did the black man win the race Because he was faster than all the other contestants

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Why did the chicken die? Because it was crossing a busy road.

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Why didn't the Mexican have a job? Because stereotypes made employers unjustly reluctant to hire a hard-working, competent man.

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My mom always said that jumping in a pile of leaves was fun! That was before a 20 foot long iguana bit her head off...

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a duck walks up to a lemonade stand, says to the man running the stand. quack, because he's a duck

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Q: Do you know how to save a black man from drowning? A: No. GOOD!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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