How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Two.

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A group of 3 black male friends sit down to have lunch at the basketball court. One black man reaches in his pack and pulls out a watermelon. The second black man reaches in his basket and pulls out some fried chicken and a pan of cornbread. They both look expectantly towards their friend as he opens up his pack. Right as he opens it, however, his cell phone goes off. Upon completing the call, he hangs up and looks at his two friends. "My financial aid got approved, guys!" he exclaims. Both of his friends congratulate him on finally making it to college. They are so proud.

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What does Helen Keller put at the end of every sentence? A period.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Why did Little Jimmy never make it in the NBA? Because he died at age 6.

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Whats long and red all over? This Cut on my arm, i should get it checked out.

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What did the collage professor say to the plumber? Hi.

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What did the jacket say to the girl? Zip me up wait why am I talking

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What do you call a person rolling down a hill, in a burning car, with a pack of wolves running after him? DEAD!

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Why is bobsledding the coolest sport? Because this is my subjective opinion.

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so your skydiving in the ocean and one of you bedroom windows break. how many bloodstains does it take to paint a peice of bread covered in goat milk? the answer is D. 2731 books on cannabalism

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What's the difference between a cat and a dog? Dogs taste better in stews.

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Why did the man have a curiously-shaped scar on his cheek? He had been mauled by an owl as a child.

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Why do black people like fried chicken? There's cocaine inside.

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What is the difference between muffins and cornbread? I don't enjoy sticking cornbread in my anus.

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What do you get when you cross a parrot and a beach ball? A beach ball with a parrot design on it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well it doesn't matter because he got hit by a bus before he could even make it.

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Why was the man upset? His entire family was murdered, skinned, separated into assorted body parts, and stapled to trees.

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A Blonde, a brunette, and a redhead where hiding from the police They were all shot and all died because they were playing Grand Theft Auto 5

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What's worse than burning your tongue drinking hot chocolate? Being shanked by a homeless man.

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who farted your mother

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a chinese man and an irishman walk into a bar. This is odd because these men are from countries extremely far apart from one another

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people magazine

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400 asian people walked in a bar

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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