i woke up in the middle of the night and my entire bed was wet... know what i did? i layed a towel down and went back to sleep

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3 Blondes walk into a bar. One ducks, the other two are hospitalized with mild concussions

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What did the old man catch at a baseball game? Aids.

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A man walks into a bar. He's black. Its 1962. He is immediately arrested.

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Why did the duck walk on the moon? Because it was his lifelong goal

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N-E Pats never cheated

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Whats worse then a dead baby? 10 dead babies

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what smells worse then shit Drew White

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An American man walks to Mc Donalds.

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why did the bear fall out of the tree? the bear got shot

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A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink The bartenders says no, because she is a woman, and he is a sexist Women are still not equally treated in this world

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Knock knock, come in.

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What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? When I see a Porsche on the street, I think to myself, "that's a nice car," but when I see a pile of dead babies on the street I scream, "OH DEAR GOD WHY?!?! WHY?!?! WHERE IS THE MONSTER THAT KILLED THESE POOR BABIES?!?!" I then quickly alert the authorities of the hideous crime before vomiting profusely and crying until my tear ducts run dry. I sustain irreversible psychological damage and the image of hundreds of cruelly murdered infants prevents me from sleeping at night.

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what's the diferance between a boner and a lambroghini? I dont have a lambroghini

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Why was the sex offender sweating in the playground? Because he was pushing his over weight son on the swing.

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A giant storm loomed over a village atop a hill. Citizens were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from the age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest. Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes. Finally, Rosie, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who has been through 13 interventions and countless suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonny, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a carton of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took the carton of Ribena, crumpled it up, spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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Q: What's the Difference between Judaism and Catholicism? A: There are many substantial and vital distinctions between Judaism and Christianity. Of course, there are many similarities as well, primarily because Christianity emerged from Judaism. However, the emergence was not a direct line. Christianity broke from Judaism, forming a new religion, so it is misleading, however comfortable the thought might be, to believe that the two religions are essentially the same, or to see Christianity as the natural continuation of Judaism.

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What's a boulder's favorite type of music? Boulders don't have ears.

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A vampire sees a werewolf at a bar, aware of the upcoming brawl between them two, the bartender shoots them both in the head but it's okay because neither of them exist.

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What time do you go to the dentist? Depends on the appointment.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like saying the colors of flowers, Delphiniums are also blue.

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what's funnier than Norm Mcdonald? EVERY THING

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What did the T-REX say to the Yettie? This is a highly improbable situation, therefore there is no need for an answer.

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What happens when you give a Parrot a pack of cigarettes? Animal Rights Activists get upset and condemn your actions.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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