There are two men named Dan. The first man says, "Hello, my name is Dan." The second man says, "Hello, my name is also Dan."

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People Eating Tasty Animals

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how do you save a car from falling out of an airplane? I don't know.

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Why are objects in your mirror closer than they appear? Because they are closer than they appear.

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What did the astronaunt say to the doctor? Hola!

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Your momma's so ugly, she has endure self-esteem issues relating to her appearance that have plagued her since grade school.

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What's worse than eating a rotton fruit that makes you sick?? Getting raped by a giant jackalope and then being left for dead in the middle of nowhere and being found by an old pedophile whose van ran out of gas and then running away only to find some water but while you were drinking it you got grabbed and dragged under the water by an octopus who has wandered off many miles from its home and then dying because humans don't have gills

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 3

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Why did the little boy stop looking for his ball? Because he found it.

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Why black guys are the fasttest runners? Because the slowers are already in prison

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So, today I was walking down the street... I met a black guy.

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I dislike old people.

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Q. What has 5 chins, 10 eyes, 10 feet, and 50 fingers? A. Five People.

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OMG FUCKING NERDS WITH NO LIFE CAN READ ABOUT THE POWER OF YOUR Vaginal puss puss color, no but seriously, I kinda prefer unshaven, I mean if I change my opinion I just do it myself or command that you shave yourself while I put it on my cellphone while I jack off to you, making a creampie, yeah because.

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what can't see and has four eyes? a blind kid born with four eyes

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Police The Police who? The police Johnson Oh, come in Mr Johnson

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When geese fly south, why is one side of the V usually longer than the other? There are more geese on that side.

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I haven't left my basement in 29 years

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whats short and has spots? A mouse with the chicken pocks.

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"Sh*t!" cursed the man. "You're such a potty mouth!" replied the unamused toilet.

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If you have alzeimers, wait, never mind i forget.

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what has 50 legs, but can't walk? half of a centipede

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at his genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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