what did the penis say to the vagina? SMACK SMACK SMACK

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cats are pussies

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Columbus Day... A day to remember the anniversary of Columbus enslaving America.

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A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.

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Q. How much Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? A. None, they just steal one.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Nancy Nancy who? Nancy.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What did the dog say to the mailman? nothing, dogs lack the mental capacity for human speech therefore he was unable to communicate his message verbally

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How does Hitler tie his shoes? with little Nazis!

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I like my women how I like my salad. Without a penis.

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A hipster gets summoned for jury duty. The case is solved promptly and everyone goes home happy.

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Alzheimer. Who?

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What's white or grey or brown or green or black or yellow or purple ? Could be almost anything, really.

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Q: What did William Wallace say to Beyonce after Taylor Swift's performance? A: Nothing, because William Wallace has been dead for some time now.

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What do you do when you see a plumbers crack. Tell him he has another crack to fill

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A fat man buys a salad

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What happened to the boy that got raped? He later died of depression

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why is your grandfather climbing up a pole? hes not

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What did the man say to his wife before they went to bed? Goodnight.

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Knock Knock Fuck off. I am new here. I do not know anyone here.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know your mother is a skank.

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The average man ejaculates at 40mph, which is why its safer to hit a child at 30mph

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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What killed the cat? Feline Leukemia

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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