Parent: Please, my son have sinned. Please cleanse him from his sins. Priest: Hmmm, it may be hard to cleanse him from his demons. You may leave him in my car today. We shall enter the dark chambers where we will battle your demons Parent: Thankyou Priest: Alone, in the dark. It will be painful for him, but he shall be cleansed *wink* Parent: whut?

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What drink is dark yellow and freshly squeezed from one of the most healthy snacks? Piss.

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ecks! why zee?

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What is the difference between a Mexican and an a pile of crap? One is disgusting and unsanitary and the other is a pile of crap.

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What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies. One is used in the sport of bowling, and the other is just a tragic, very saddening sight to see.

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What do you do with a dog with no legs? Take it for a drag.

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What do you get when you stab a six year old with a pair of scissors and a machete? A very angry, potentially murderous mother out for revenge.

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So an irishmen, jewish, and asain walk into the bar...and the bartender said get out..

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Chuck Norris and Bane recently had a fight on a bet. The result was Bane won easily as he is the much bigger and stronger man, and Chuck Norris lacks the skills he once possessed as a younger man as he is now 72 years old.

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mohammed ali walks into a bar, gets a drink, signs a few autographs , and a good time is enjoyed by all.

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how did the girl fall off the swing. BECAUSE SHE HAD NO ARMS HAHAHAH

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Why did 16-year-old girl scream in the basement? She was being raped.

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How do you tell the difference between a bomb and an Asian? One blows up.

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A black man, an asian man, and white man walk into a bar. Not that out of the ordinary since America is a melting pot.

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One white male lives in a city with all blacks. He puts up with gang violence nearly every day.

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What's the difference between Micheal Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Micheal Jackson has never been on the moon, Neil Armstrong never had plastic surgery and Micheal was a pop star.

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Bob: Say this word that I spell out. Jane: Ok Bob: N.I.N.A. Jane: Um...Nina? Bob: Correct. Now try N.I.N.O. Jane: Nino like el nino Bob: Good. How about N.I.N.E. Jane: Ninny? Bob: Hahaha wrong

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Why did the room packed with married people seem empty? Maybe they were all playing hide-and-seek. Or maybe the room was pitch black and they were all standing very still and quietly.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is both blind and deaf, and doing so would put others in danger.

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Jeez Bill, how drunk was I last night? You took my pet parakeet, threw it at my daughter's piggy bank and yelled "ANGRY BIRDS!!!!"

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Q: what do you call the green and the (stone eater) animal? A:the green and the (stone eater) animal

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What has legs but can't walk? A paralyzed man.

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There once was the worlds most important people on an airplane. All of them. They were a Boy Scout with a hiking pack, World's Oldest person, World's Smartest person, a Scientist who had the cure to cancer, and the World's Richest man. The Pilot told them that the plane was running out of gas and they would have to bail. But there was a problem, two people were going to have to die. They were only two parachutes short. So the Scientist grabbed one and said, "I'm the only one with the cure to cancer I've got lives to save." And he bails. Then the World's oldest person jumps out with a parachute saying, "I Still Have A Life To Live!!!" Then the Richest person realizes there is two parachutes left. He says, "I have the most money so I have to go because I could save America from going bankrupt." Grabs a chute and jumps. Then, the world's smartest person just happens to be so selfish and bails with the last Parachute. So the Pilot and and the Boy Scout were left. The pilot was kind enough to let the Kid go because he still had he longest life to live. But the kid said no, we could both go. The pilot said no you go. The kid was still being stubborn. And said No, we could both go, The world's smartest person took my back pack, there is one chute left, we could share it. And so they both jumped and landed safely on the ground. And that was the end of the World's smartest man.

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What do you call a pregnant girl? Your Ex

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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