Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did the retard have no friends? Because somebody stitched his mouth and eyes shut so he couldn't be social.

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A man comes into a bar. Wait, it's a horse. A man comes into a horse.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Come in! Come in who? I'm just com in' inside.

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Why did the goat cross the road. To put his sacrifices into the pentagram.

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change it and the other to hold the ladder so the first man won't fall and hurt himself.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it won't come anyways.

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Why couldn't the bunny hop? Because it lost both it's legs

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Why did the man get go to sleep? He got hit in the face with a hammer.

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What do you call a man with a gun? An accident waiting to happen.

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your mama smells so bad she should probably go take a shower.

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Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks. The rest of the bar patrons are thoroughly confused.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Boo Radley, I live next door.

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A: Knock knock! B: Come in.

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George Bush told Jared Fogle that he did 9/11. Jared Fogle replied "I did 9 11 year olds"

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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What's black, white, and red all over? An interracial couple that got hit by a bus.

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whats the difference between valium and m & ms ? one is,nt a tasty little chocolate

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Why did the woman stop making a sandwich for her husband? Because he's dead.

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Have you ever heard of Yoda? From 'Attack of the Clones'?

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What do you call some one in the middle of the ocean without a boat skrewed.

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Your mom's so fat, I tried to rape her but couldn't find her p**** and gave up. Instead I decided to take her out to dinner. We enjoyed a lovely meal and I spent the rest of the night trimming her fat with a vegetable peeler while she screamed and bled all over the floor.

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Congratulations, sir. The judge has determined that the charges of traffic violation against you were indeed incorrect, and you will be given a large sum of cash for your wasted time.

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One time there was a guy who jumped off a bridge and died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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