So a train conductor is going at 70 mph to to a destination 50 miles away. He goes over 3 hills, one at 20 mph, the other 42 mph, and the last at 63 mph. he crosses 2 bridges at 47 mph each. What did the train conductors mom eat for dinner that night Nothing she had cancer and died.

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What's the biggest lie you've ever told? "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"

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Somebody has robbed your house, how do you gather evidence? Look for traces of watermelon or chicken bones.

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A man walks to a baseball game what does he see? Many people

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple finding half a worm in your apple.

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What's the difference between a table lamb? A fishing pole, automobiles are very useful

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Whats the difference between a new ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a new ferrari in my garage.

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What’s brown, sticky and smells like poo? Shit!!

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven. Ha ha ha ha

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What's worse than biting into your apple and realising it has a worm in it? subsequently realising that the worm is a Swamp Adder, the worlds smallest venemous snake. Then you look up and realise you're in the Sahara Desert. You wonder where the snake came from and how it got in the apple.. Then you slowly die.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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amy baked 35 sugar cookies and ate 25, what does she have now? diabetes.

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A man goes to a Korean-owned dry cleaner to pick up his suits. They were impeccably cleaned at a reasonable rate.

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Q.what has big ears? A.your vagina.

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Why did the eighty year old man climb into a fridge? Because he wanted to.

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Why'd Sally fall of the swing? Sally's a fish.

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Where did Ann go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.

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have you ever noticed that when geese are flying in a V, that one side is longer? Do you know why? no...why? There is more on one side

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A man decides to go hunting in the woods with a shotgun, he is going through the woods and a bear randomly pops out of no where, knocks him down and rapes him. So the next day he came back with an even bigger shotgun and said, "i am going to kill this bear" so he goes through the woods, the bear comes out of nowhere, knocks him down and rapes him again. So he comes back the next day with and even bigger shotgun and says, " i am going to kill this bear, skin it, and eat it" so hes going through the woods and out comes the bear, knocks him down, gets real close to his face and says, "you dont come out here for the hunting do ya".

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream cone? He was hit by a bus

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matt f stupid because no one likes him

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What's red and sticky A DEAD BABY

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Why did the 80 year old man lose his vision? Because he recently blew his head off.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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