What do you call a man who eats a swordfish at 11 o'clock? Dead by midnight.

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CAN YOU FIND YOUR D I C K YET BOMBER

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What do you call a deer with no legs? Legs in the City

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Why did the little boy throw his clock out of the window? After hours of searching for the snooze button to no avail, the little boy became so irritated at the incessant ringing of the alarm that he threw it out of his window in a fit of rage. The clock landed on an old woman who was walking twenty stories below. She was immediately killed on impact.

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Knock-knock. Who's there? Just open the damn door

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how many jews can you fit in a volkenswagen? 2 jews in the front 2 jews in the back 15 jews in the ashtray

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why did the asian go to the bar? they were told they could drive better when drunk how much worse could they get

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why did the kid die? his mom shot him

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Why did the 1,000 pound woman start crying? Because her son got hit by a car.

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Why aren't there alligators in a bookstore? Because alligators would pose a danger to customers.

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A man buys cocaine from a shady dealer in an alley. He then goes home and experiments with it and other chemicals, and later on invents Coca Cola

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Josh kissing a girl

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-Knock! Knock! -Who's there? -Bob. Is Brian's here? -Wrong adress. Brian's home is the first one at your right. -Oh sorry. Have a nice day.

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I like my women like I like my coffee.......... I don't like coffee

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Your mom is so skinny that she may have anorexia, yet she could treat it so she doesn't die.

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Why did the Irishman walk out of the bar? He didn't. He's Irish

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69

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Whats funnier than a pile of dead babies nothing child abuse is not a funny matter.

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What do you call two banana's on someone's feet? Garbage.

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What's similar between a yellow bicycle and blue potatoes? They both have weight.

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Why did the baby cross the road? cause it was stapled to the chicken.

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theres a taco and a blonde...who eats who? the blonde eats the taco.

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How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

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The President walks into a local pub. Everyone shits their fricken pants because the President is here.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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