Four guys are on an airplane. The plane lands safely and the four guys return to their families.

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Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last as long for fat people...

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A man asked Alexander the Great if he was gay, yet Alexander the Great was not offended. Why? Because "gay" has a rather different connotation than in the modern world than it did in earlier time periods where it meant "happy". Also, Macedonians, Alexander the Great's native people, did not speak English so he would not understand the question. Also Alexander the Great was gay in the sense that he was actually a homosexual.

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Q. what has 2 tums and a boner. A. a horny guy <3

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Why did the little boy fall asleep? His parent pulled the plug.

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Your momma's of a reasonable figure and weight.

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Why did the cat die? Johnny put in the microwave.

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Why did the hunter shoot the deer? Because he was hungry and might starve to death if he didnt

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What's worse than taking a bite in an apple and finding a worm in it? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

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A man said to a performer performin in a concert,"Go break a leg!". The performer did not respond because he is perfoming.

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Why did the black man skip every other step on the stairs? Because he had long legs and it was faster.

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Welcome to the anti-joke Olympics! As you can see ladies and gentlemen, our contestants are starting to look very excited as the "who can look the most bored" competition is just about to begin! We are terribly sorry to announce that as for the butterfly style contest, all of the butterflies drowned :( While at this corner, we can see these contestants have been waiting patiently for hours for the "who is the most impatient" contest to begin! While over here, none of our contestants have yet to make a chicken cross the road and tell them why! In the meantime watch as we mistreat these Jews in order to find out what is worse, the holocaust or a worm in your apple! So far our contestants with worms in their apples are complaining more, but dying significantly less, how will this end! How exciting! Finally our swing contest has been cancelled as Sally refuses to get on it! Moral: BUT WILL IT BLEND!

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Whats green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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I drive in driveways. I recite in recitals. I play in plays. I park on parkways. My greenhouse is green. And my boxing ring is round. Why does everyone think I'm weird??

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What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Well I would open the freezer.

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A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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Knock Knock Who's there? After no response, the man chuckled as he realized the sound of his TV mimicked that of his door knocker.

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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

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What d u tell Simba when he's moving to slow? Muvasa

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You know what would be funny? If the Incredible Hulk asked Spiderman to change his diaper.

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Apple juice.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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