Why was the monkey sad? Because somebody stole his banana. Why was the monkey happy? Because your parents are dead.

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Star Wars

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why did the chicken cross the road? because there were no cars coming, and felt compelled to get to its family

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing? Because she had no arms. Why did she fall of the second time? I pushed her.

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A traveling salesman stops at a farmer's house. The farmer then offers the salesman a bed with his daughter. The salesman quickly replied, "I don't want to go to bed right now. I need to know the way to Pawtucket." The farmer then gave the salesman directions and the two parted ways.

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why didnt the kid get anything for christmas? santa exploded

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An English ship lands in the New World and offers to trade with the natives. The ship actually carried foreign diseases that the natives had no immunity to, and they all died.

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Why did 3 kids mom's die last year? Because they were depressed and committed suicide.

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A plane is flying from NY to Canada, but crashes on the border. Where do you bury the survivors? You don't bury survivors.... Just kidding, there were no survivors

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Why did the Asian Kid pass his test? He studied hard.

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My favorite color is Ham. And I can count to Potato.

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Why did Dolley Madison take the painting of George Washington out of the White House in 1814. It was on fire. By, Luke Atkins

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Why was the man unable to get an erection? Because he was a woman

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What did Hitler say to his empire, A lot of stuff that I am to lazy to look up, all i know that the holocaust was bad and we shouldn't repeat it.

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roses are red violets are blue i have Alzheimers who are you?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Why isn;t the square root of peanut butter very athletic?.Actually, peanut butter isn't a mathematical equation nor does it have the necessary chemical make-up, physical properties or the biological construct that is required for it to be able to be considered athletic, stupid. You now have a inoperable tumor at the base of your spine. And I fucked your dad and shat in his mouth. Also, the cure for leukemia is my diarrhoea, you faggot.

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I would have buttered my bread, but the pool was cold.

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Two penguins are in the shower. One of them asks if he can have the soap. The other responds, "What am I, a telephone?"

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"You go, Glen Coco" -Mean Girls, 2004

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The glass is half an hour.

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When I'm through with you... They will never find your body... And even if they did... All they find would be teeth!!!

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the meaning of life is too burn calories so I burnt a fat kid?

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The person below me is weird.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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