Remember how I made you hypnotically cum by poking your own nose last time? When I told you that hypnotic story about the astrologer and the brain surgeon? So you wet yet? Think about how easy its going to be for me when I take out Mr.Big and slap down your coffee table with it, yeah... Feels cozy down there does it not?

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What’s black and white and red all over? A zebra in a meat grinder

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what did the girl say after she got hit by a bus, nothing she was dead

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Knock Knock. To get to the other side.

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What's the difference between a black person and a park bench? Benches are inanimate objects while people are indeed carbon-based life forms.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Why did the fat guy survive the the plane crash? He was late to get up due to a malfunctioning alarm clock and so missed his flight, sparing him of the tragic outcome the other passengers suffered. To this day he still thinks about how a completely random occurrence saved his life.

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What do you do If you can't afford a hair cut? Don't get one.

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Yo mama's so fat, she weighs over 400 pounds.

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What did jell say to the carriage driver from Uzbekistan that was underpaid and had no banter? Oh My God ROFLMAOOTG (the last three are "on the ground") "I will beat you with a small child that I will soon feed to the T-Rex's" should be on the list.

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Why cant Sally ride her bike? Because she has ceribal pausly

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What did the Jew say to the Catholic? Nothing. He is a mute you insensitive moron!

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why cant dinosaurs talk? because they're all dead

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An Irish man walks past a bar... it could happen...

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Out of all the sadness and death in the world...do you know what the worst part is? Mexicans are still hoping the border...

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven. Ha ha ha ha

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I heard that you could burn punds so I found a fat kid and set him on fire

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there are 2 sausages in a pan. one sausage says "wow it's hot in here" and the other sausage says "MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!!"

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why cant the blind man read brail? he has no fingers

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Knock Knock Yes?

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A Irish leaves and bump in to a really tall the Irish sorry boss

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What is the difference between my right hand and my left hand? I used my right hand to stab your mother.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Animal cruelty

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If you're having Kony problems, I feel bad for you son. He's stolen 99 kids and your posters saved none.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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