-What did the old lady have for dinner? -Dementia

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Your momma's so fat that she should really be concerned for her health and seek professional help to manage her weight.

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Nero, sure you are okay?

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How many plumbers does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Plumbers don't do that. Electricians do.

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8================================================================================================D-------------------------------------------- It can coil!

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Two guys walk in to a bar the third one ducks.

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Whats the difference between a jew and a canoe? Canoes weren't killed by Hitler

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roses are red, violets are blue, my name is dave, this makes no sense microwave.

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Why didn't the boy get what he wanted for christmas? His parents had killed him.

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Knock knock... Whose there? Patrick Oh hey, come in...

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Do you know what Chuck Norris does for a living? He's an actor, I also heard he's quite good with martial arts.

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A blind man walks into a bar. I mean a fence.

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What is the difference between a Camel And a Strawberry? A strawberry is red.

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q. what did batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile a. hey robin get in the bat mobile

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How do you stop a bird from flying? Shoot it with a harpoon gun.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.. Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first moneky.. Why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree? It thought it was a game.. Why did the 4th monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure..

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What did your mom get for christmas ? A stairstepper.

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Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey; Along came a spider, Who sat down beside her But was offered the window seat, Because this was Little Miss Muffet's stop

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what do you call a guy with no arms or legs and wearing red and white in the ocean? a dead person and someone needs to call the cops cause thats terrible.

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A grammatically correct mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms." The mushroom says, "Why not, I'm a fungus."

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Whats worse than HIV? AIDS

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Why didn't the boy respond to the text? His phone had run out of charge.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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A lawyer walks into a bar, and due to the repercussions of severe head trauma was never able to do so again.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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