Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? Because he's dead

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So I went to my grandmothers house at 7 and left at 8.

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How do you get into USA from mexico? Climb a fence

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What do the villagers say when they see Tarzan swinging into town? Look, here comes Tarzan! What do the villagers say when they see Tarzan swinging into town with sunglasses on? Nothing. They don't recognize him.

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One day a young gentleman was walking down the street. He sees a wounded dog laying there on the sidewalk. He goes to tend to the wounded animal. It bites his hand. He rushes to the hospital and tests positive for rabies. The man has to be vaccinated and the dog terminated.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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Who is Soulja Boy's best friend? YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

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Today, my friend threw a lemon at me very hard and hit me in the testicles. FML

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first one turns to the second, and says nothing, because muffins can't talk. They then both die because the temperature in the oven was 370 degrees.

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What was the first thing that went through the mind of the first 9/11 jumper? Thank god I only jumped from the first floor.

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A black man, a mexican, and a muslim all jump off a building. Who hit the ground first? Who cares!

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wife: why are women's feet smaller husband: so they can stand closer to the kitchen sink

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wanna hear a sad joke? you! by mad james

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Gifted Education classes learning social studies curriculum.

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How do you confuse a Blondel? Tell her there's a demon in her liver

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A lady in a bank was asked by the clerk to round the sum she wanted to raise from her account. She rounded it several times, but the clerk continued to insist that the sum needs to be rounded. She left the bank confused, with a coupon consisting of completely rounded sum of 691, 88$. Next day she returned with a coupon with a rounded sum of 690,88$. The clerk asked again the lady to round the sum. The lady started helplessly to cry and said she had rounded is already with a harp, and couldn't make it round anymore, she even removed the sharp 1 from the sum.

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What did the virgin say to the car salesmen? Hello, I'm really interested in buying a car today.

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"Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave."

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How do you know if a black man was in your house while you weren't home? When you let them enter to babysit your children.

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-Children! Come inside! -Why? -We are going out...

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What's worse than having a mouth full of molars? A pole through your chest.

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Knock knock (No one is home)

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was baked.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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