Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Modern math questions: If I have 9 apples and you have 12 ice cubes, his many pancakes fit on a roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

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pubic lice.

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Q: How do you make three atheists cry? A: Kill their families.

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What's worse than a crying baby? A dead one...

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. The police who? Sir, your wife has been killed. Please open the door so that we may discuss this matter. The man then opens the door and listens to the tale of how a disgruntled worker opened fire in a grocery store, killing 13 people including his wife. Unable to cope with this and the fact both his parents passed away earlier that year he later hangs himself soon after the police leave.

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Hi poop!

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Jake was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there!!" The next morning he got up early and told his wife to come to the driveway. His wife looks down and sees a scale.

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Q: what is white and can't climb trees? A: A refrigerator

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Q. What did the father say to his son? A. Nothing, he just hit him with his belt. His wife tried to intervene, but she too was hit by said belt.

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Q. Why cant Stephen Hawking walk into a bar? A. Because he suffered being paralyzed and is unable to walk. So theoretically speaking it is impossible to walk when paralyzed and in a wheelchair unless the victim is out of his or her wheelchair. Please note that the chances of walking when paralyzed are extremely slim.

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A guy walks into a bar and says ouch.

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Friends and Potatoes are similar...if u eat them try die.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the van.

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What rhymes with 'stick' and is brown? A stick

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What's the difference between a black person and a pizza? Pizza is a type of food.

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Why did the chicken commit suicide? No one knows, he didn't leave a note.

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I just missed my bus. At least I haven't got cancer.

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What did the munchy alzhemiers farmer say about his missing tractor? Where's my tators?

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How many people does it take to change a lightbulb? It depends on if the person has a lightbulb of the correct size and wattage...

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A frog walks up to Steve, and says "Hey, Steve." Steve is terrified because a frog knows his name, and is walking.

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Why was six afraid of seven You would be scared to if your name was six and you knew someone named seven

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Why did the little girl fall off of the swing set? Because she didn't have any arms.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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