A man was walking through the woods when he comes across a little girl crying by a lake. "What is the matter little girl?" he asked. "My cat fell in the lake ... and it couldn't swim ... so my father jumped in as well and drowned too," she cried," Sad, the man sighed, pulled down his pants and said, "Well I guess today's just not your day,"

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Knock knock Whos there your son your son who holy shit dad just let me in

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How do you get rid of a pile of dead babies? Call 911 so someone will pick them up and take them to the morgue.

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Three nuns accidentally walked in to a bar and so they immediately went out.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? About 1 or 2, then the neighbors would phone the police and you would be arrested for infanticide.

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2 guys are best friends from birth, one goes crazy and kills the others family and feel hatred towards each other for eternity.

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms! Knock knock! Who'z there? Not Suzy.

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Whats worse than contracting H.I.V.? nothing

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Why did the bus crash? What, you were expecting an answer? I was asking you

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What did one chick in a clothes shop say to another? That's cheap

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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Q: If your 17 year-old-daughter is a drug addict, how many cartwheels are you going to have to do to make it to Georgia? A: The French Revolution, because your grandmothers facebook shows an 11 year-old selling Concords to a green alien, which can only mean that over 600 people watch pórn daily.

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What did one retarded person say to another? asiuasdhfiusanklasndfkjlnknankjas

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what do you call a man with no arms or legs sitting at your doorstep? matt what do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the water? bob what do you call a man that just had his daughter taken away from him? ...sam

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OR SOMETHING! VOLUME ONE SPECIAL ALPHA MAN EDITION: What do you do if you are in the jungle, and surrounded by a tiger, and a jaguar and have only one bullet left in the rifle? You shoot the damn jaguar in its tire, and RIDE THE GODDAMN TIGER BACK HOME! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! THE FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD R*PIST!(Yes I also wrote the original kay?)

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Why did Bob throw butter out the window, Because he is mentally retarded.

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Why is ms Wolfe mean? Because she is a poop face

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What do you call a muslim flying a plane> .....a pilot

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Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting Doctor Interru- You have cancer.

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Q: Why did the lady retire? A: Because she had been working for numerous years and felt that she needed to spend more time with her family.

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Where did Susie go during the bombings? Susie was wandering around the streets as she felt like she didn't know where she was any more. Everything was burnt to ashes. She came across a man who she has never met. He tells her to follow him. She did.Later, Susie, the mysterious man and a few other people with him were in a private meeting room. The mysterious man tells Susie that he was a Frenchman and he was with the resistance. A few minutes later, the bombs were dropping everywhere. The meeting room was destroyed and Susie, the Frenchman and his men were under attack. The French resistance were about to fight, but retreated - for they were French. Susie was left, lying there as she saw a bomb in the sky about to land on her. She tried to get up and run, but the bomb was too fast. It got her. So yeah. Susie went everywhere, like you lot said.

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don't just stand there

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There's a pair of siamese twins.....One of them's gay.

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This is not a joke.... It is mind rape.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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