roses are red violets are blue i have shit in my mouth so screw you

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A mass murderer ran into a bar full of people. He first shot a man. What did the man say when the murderer shot him? Nothing, he was hit in the head and instantly died before he could say anything.

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How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how you throw 'em.

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Whats the most fun thing you can do with hangers and a vaccum cleaner? -abort babies

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a shed? A: Considering babies are incapable of rational thought it is unlikely they would understand how to employ the correct method to paint.

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A man went back in time and warned nobody about anything and pretended to be from the time he choose to go to and lived a happy life eventually finding a wife. He later found out he had a baby on the way, he named it after his great grandfather who was a war hero. He later found out that many years later his son had a son and they named it after his grandpa. He went to the hospital where he died just as his grandson had a baby and they named it after his father. The man died. End.

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and his problem is destroying his family.

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hi will

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What did the duck say to the pickle? Quack

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What did the doctor say to the female car crash victim? Nothing she was dead when he walked in the room.

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What is even bigger than an elephant? A gi-ant! (Wait you did say an anty joke right!?)

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What is green and had wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.....

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The ULTIMATE Street Fighter shotokan safety guide one Turbo masters tournament X Revenge Kombat Super Ultimate Alpha Omega F*** Y** Edition! 1. I case an attack breaks both your legs, use your last remaining strength in order to kick the air with one leg, while keeping the other one straight down, then immediatedly yell MYLEGSARBROKEN! In order to receive medical attention. And please remember: If Hadou can, then you Sure can! 2. DLC ONLY 3 DLC ONLY 4. DLC Only. ...hayball rolls trough... 9001: DLC only

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Hey, Texas! Knock knock Texas: Who's there? Ebola

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Did you know that in the country of Nigeria, every minute, 60 second passes?

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What happened after the lawer jumped off the bridge? His family mourned his loss for years.

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What do you call a watermelon in Africa? A watermelon.

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Why did the man not want to be a tree? Because he didn't want to.

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what did the potato say to the apple nothing food can't talk

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So three men walk into a bar. One orders a Miller Light, the other orders a Guiness, and the third has a glass of ice water. He was the designated driver.

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Why did the Black guy work at KFC? To provide money for his struggling family.

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Why was the guy on top of the van It was his funeral

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Why did Timmy's face hurt? Because there was a frog stapled to it.

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A man ordered tomato and basil, but received tomato with a man. the man's name is Basil!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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