What's the square root of 6739472? Who gives a f***?

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

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Three men were on a plane. Oh wait. You probably already heard this one.

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What makes men cry? The realization that humanity is completely pointless in the infinitely expanding universe and thus any action to try and improve human life is also a complete farce.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?  No Neither has he

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Why did Susie fall off the swingset? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Does it matter?

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What happens if you accidentally say your best-male friend's name instead of your boyfriend's name during sex? Nothing, they're both named Adam.

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What did the man with no head say to the women?

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What does a Dominican and a Russian have in common... they are both thinking of a funny anti-joke to post on this site...

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Why did Sally fly off the swing, She had no arms Knock knock *Who's there* Not Sally

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yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, 200 l.b.s

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So a woman walks out of a kitchen, she is instantly mauled by a bear.

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Why did the little boy drop his Ice cream? He had no arms(:

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly my dick down your throat.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 6 had paranoia.

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Why is a blonde a door knob... Because everybody gets a turn

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Why was 97 afraid of 98? Because 98,99, 100!

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What did the man with one arm get for Christmas? A benchpress

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What's the difference between a duck?

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Well, there's one way...

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Why did the girl fall off the swing Because she had no arms Why did the boy drop his ice cream Because he was hit by a truck. and geuss who was driving the truck? The girl with no arms

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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