- Anti Joke

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Yeah neither did she.

What do u get when you mix a young asian woman and a black man? Tiger Woods

What's worse than a murderer? Two murderers.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Whatever his name happens to be.

Q: What is worse than seven babies in a trash can? A: One baby in seven trash cans. Q: What is worse than one baby in seven trash cans? A: The Holocaust.

Q. How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? A. 17.

steve walked into a bar, what happened next? A: He fell down.

A sheep walks into a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i bought a sock i wore it i bought a fish i killed it i bought a human i ate it IM A CANNIBAL

What is about the size of a sausage, flesh-colored and looks like a penis, if you illuminate it with a flashlight on monday nights? - a penis.

What did jimmy get for dinner? Food

So i broke up with my girl, here her number... SIKE!! ITS THE WRONG NUMBAHHH!!!

roses are red, Violets are blue, i have a gun, Suck my dick

Why do zebras have stripes? I don't know.

Why did the black person jump the fences? because he was in a relay race.

The Legend of the Fierce Fireplace In the beginning there was a fireplace, and from that fireplace a fire glowed by the burning embers of the last feathers of a mighty phoenix. And as the last of the feathers burned and the fire exhausted, from the ashes a new phoenix was born. Then just when the newborn began to take its first breath the fire started up engulfing the infamous bird with its huge fiery teeth. The bird screamed out in terror, but no one was around to save it. Just as fast as the fire started, however, it ended with an explosion of blood and feathers, each on fire. When each of the feathers finished burning, a new baby was born. Every newborn looked at each other and without a word knew exactly what had happened. Every one of them vowed to spread the word of the terrible fireplace accident. Years passed and the phoenixes died off from having too little magic to regenerate. The story never died though and reached the ears of an old man. Enraged by the tale, he dedicated the rest of his life to finding a solution. However, this was short lived for he died just a few days later of old age. The story takes a pause here for over a century. Then, suddenly, it was by chance that a young engineer would walk into a library and choose this book. He realized that the fireplaces currently in use were no different than the ones mentioned. He then dedicated his life to finding a solution, and he found one. By using the modern technology of the time, he created a simple, yet safe, gas burning fireplace. This essentially solved the problem. Along came computers. With the introduction of a new medium for engineering several people began designing old things with circuits and chips. This developed into unforeseen consequences. As digital engineering was a new subject, and the people experimenting with it had little to no experience, many of the new designs contained errors that unless otherwise solved created the same problem that it tried to fix, but the people were lazy. They put off trying to repair these new designs and left it to later generations. This is where I come into the picture. After studying Digital Engineering for half a semester, it was deemed I was worthy enough to tackle the famed Fierce Fireplace. Not knowing any better, I accepted the challenge. This is where our journey takes a turn for the worse. I will begin and end by explaining to you the process of designing the perfect, exceptionally-crafted, digitally engineered fireplace. From what was given, the problem became clear. The first step was to create a truth table that contained four inputs and two outputs. The first output is to send a logic one whenever there was at least three inputs with a high signal. The second and most troublesome output will send a logic one whenever the outputs don’t all match. By logical association, the next step was to create a Karnaugh map for each output. From those helpful hat tricks it was easy to create very simple minterms for each output. Thereafter, those minterms were translated into circuit diagrams with the first output being limited to the use of NAND gates, and the second output only uses NOR gates.After hand drawing each circuit, the next step I took towards perfecting this fireplace was to insert both of the new designs into Multisim, but this time, instead of having two different designs, both were inserted into the same file sheet to create a single-circuit, double-output process. From this new setup I was able to recreate the circuit on a breadboard. I realized that this specific design called for four NAND ICs and four NOR ICs. This is to allow for the simplest circuit design in each instance. Using a bread board companion, it was quite easy to design a four-input circuit with two outputs. After the design was complete, the design was tested by both me and my instructor. (See picture and parts list for an added assistance.) Knowing all of this the final thing to do was write a two hundred and fifty word conclusion summary of what it took to create the perfect fireplace. I thought this was to demanding so I skipped it; however, only an ignorant jerk wouldn’t turn in anything to their instructor- it’s funny because I usually do that- just to be lazy. Instead this legend, true or not, should suffice for the reason and process of the design. Amen.

Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

A jew, a catholic and a muslim walk into a bar. The catholic man dies of a massive heart attack and the other two men mourn their friend for weeks.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was running away from KFC.

Why did the man with no arms and legs fall out of the tree? Gravity.

Why did the girl trip in the middle of the street? She tripped over the kid who dropped his ice cream because he got hit by a bus.

I'm so hungry I feel I would be able to ingest large quantities of food.

What's the difference between a goat and a cherry? You can't put a goat on top of your ice cream.

What did the headless man say? Nothing. The man can't speak because he doesn't have a head.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops