Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't cross it. He was pushed.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I will ask you one question, and that will determine whether you can enter Heaven." The man nods nervously. St. Peter asks, "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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what is the color of a burp burple

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What did one potato say to the other. Let's get baked!( hope u dont mind that this isnt a anti-joke well i dont know what it is so sue me)

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Mama Bear and Papa Bear were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Bear a choice of which parent to live with. "Do you want to live with your mother?" the judge asks. "No! She beats me." answers the baby bear. "OK, then you can live with your father." says the judge. "No! He beats me too!" cries baby bear. So Baby Bear was placed in a foster home.

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What's the difference between a banana and a monkey? They're both yellow, except the monkey

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In an effort to bond, the American president and North Korean Supreme Leader place a bet on a football game. If the President was correct, the Supreme Leader would have to buy them a drink, and vice versa. The game is close but in the end the President's bet wins. He asks for the drink, but the Supreme Leader refuses. An argument breaks out, and lasts for several hours. Eventually the Supreme Leader becomes too infuriated, and leaves. So the next day, North Korea declares war on America and launches nuclear missiles towards them, millions of lives are lost, and the world descends into anarchy.

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What is the difference between a botlle of sun lotion and a Mexican? A bottle of sun lotion contains a lotion that protects your skin against the sun, and a Mexican is a person from Mexico.

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A young Asian boy got a B on his test. He went home an showed his parents even though he was nervous of their reaction. They told him that a B was a good grade and put it on the fridge. After that he began to gradually flunk each class one by one because of his parent's inability to push him to be better. He is now homeless and an alcoholic.

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If I had a nickel for everyday I lived...... I would get a nickel a day

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Roses are red, Violets are rare because of the irreversible damage to our ecosystem in recent years.

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What do you call a banana? A banana.

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Why did the middle-aged black man lose his job? Because in this day in age, many businesses are being forced to lower their pay-roll, and he could no longer be afforded.

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Q) Why was six afraid of seven? A) Seven was black.

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baloney sandwich

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What did Tarzan say to the elephant?... "Hi elephant." A few weeks later, the elephant had grown a mustache and gotten a pair of sunglasses. What did Tarzan say to him then?... Nothing, he didn't recognize him.

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Its true, he didnt write that!!

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When does the ice cream get thrown at the yellow horse on thursday evening? Purple Monkey Rainbow

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What did the black man say to the white man? Hi im phill

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Yo momma so fat, she has large amount of fat deposited in her body

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing chair ? Gravity.

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Why did the man break all his bones? Because his parachute failed to open

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Why didn't the black man drink out of the white water fountain? Because he wasn't thirsty.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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