Two men walk into a bar. One gets drunk, goes home, savagely beats his wife, and goes to jail for domestic abuse.

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What is long hard and woody? A tree.

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Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

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What do you call a person with no arms? Armless.

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Then that means that, I thought I was working with you? No wonder things did not work out, no wonder jerks like Jonas "the wizard" got inside my team, he was recommended by this "Axel Knight"

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How many people does it take to eat an apple ? One, unless it is divided into pieces for everyone to enjoy.

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Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

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What's worse then finding a repeated joke on antijokes? Finding a real joke.

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Q: what smells like cheese and tastes like cheese? A: cheese

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what do you call a cow? A cow

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knock knock whos there open open who the door

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roses are red, violets are purple, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't

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shall i compare thee to a summers day, no, because thee are ugly, yay

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A black man and a mexican jump from a tree. Who hits the ground first? The mexican. The black man had a rope tied around his neck.

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Why did the dog start barking? Because it was a dog.

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what did one pedophile say to the other at the playground? DIBZ!!!

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What is black and white and red all over? A nun that just fell down the stairs.

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There once was a boy walking down the street. He got shot in the head. He died.

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What the difference between an apple and a pear One of them is red

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What has a pie and my hand got in common? It's got meringue on it.

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Q: whats worse than ten babies in one trash can A: one baby in ten trash cans

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Why was the T-Rex always sad? He couldn't clap his hands.

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Why did the spider cross the road? He was stuck to the bottom of my shoe!

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You are so ugly that plastic surgery may be an option for you to consider.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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