Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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whats worse than nailing 8 babies to 8 trees? nailing 1 baby to 8 trees.

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Girlfriend has 10 letters, but then again, so does freeeeedom

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Two drums and a cymbol fall off a cliff... ba bum BUM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA it used to be ba dum ching but im so funny that i changed it to ba dum bum. credit to Alex H

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A man goes to the doctor and complains: "Doctor, my Viagra hasn't worn off! It's been over eight hours!" The doctor replies "You were bitten by a banana spider. You have one day to live.

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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? All of them.

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What is the difference between your mother and a hooker? Gonorrhea and her father's approval.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Sex! Sex Who? Sex with me. BOOM!

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What's big and fat? An obese man.

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Whats long,hard, and has c.u.m in ig? Cucumber....also my wiener

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Roses are red, violetsvare blue, I have aids, so do you

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If Johnny has 4 dollars and Clarissa has 7 dollars, how many dollars do they have all together? 11 dollars Knock knock Who's There? Johnny Johnny who? Johnny and Clarrisa, all together we have 11 dollars.

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knock knock who's there who who who who who what are you a retarded owl

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Why didn't the man walk up the stairs? He had an acorn stairlift.

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Did you here that Hellen Keller got hit by a bus? No. Neither did she.

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Why did the kid die last night? because his mum stabbed him multiple times in the chest.

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What did the child who tried to hang himself, but wasn't heavy enough to achieve breaking his neck do? Died slowly.

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Why did the Japanese boy drop his sushi? He was hit by a tsunami

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I feel like am motherf***ing stuck in this duck and it makes me wana quack like what the f**k is THAT!

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A black, white, Asian, and Mexican are walking down the street. This is showing a good diverse community.

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What did the turkey call the chicken? Nothing, turkeys can't speak, idiot.

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What's blue and orange at the bottom of a swimming pool? A dead baby, why's it there? I popped the arm bands.

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What to you call a Muslim person on a plane? A passenger

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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