On a scale of Voldemort to Nigel Thornberry, how large is your nose?

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Q:Why was the frog sad A:He was stapeld to a boys face.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a chav in a box It depends what kind of a box If it is a coffin you call him dead If he is in a cardboard box you call him homeless It really just depends

thumb_up thumb_down +32

two men are having a conversation a third man walks what does he do? patiently waits as to not seem rude.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a prison. A gang stopped them, and said: Hey, want to play a game? Before they could run away, the gang leader told them the rules. You go over there and stand by the wall. You close your eyes, and then we fire a shotgun in your direction. The last one alive wins. They push the brunette onto the wall. She closes her eyes because she knows she's about to die and doesn't want her friends to see her crying. The gun goes off, and she falls to the ground, dead. They pull away her dead body. They decide it's the redhead's turn next. They move her onto the wall. Being the brightest one in the bunch, she tries to keep her eyes open. However, she blinks. The gun goes off, and she falls to the ground, dead. They pull away her dead body. Then the blonde bursts out laughing. "Your friends are dead. And you're about to die. Do you find that funny?" They ask. She answers. "No. It's just- I won the game!"

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Whats The difference between a soccer mom and a pit bull? One's a dog ones a human. 363\

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What do you call a girl with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Man: Guess what! Other man: What? Man: Chicken butt

thumb_up thumb_down -30

The little girl asks her father "Daddy why is santa fat?" "you have to exist to lose weight" he answered

thumb_up thumb_down +2

you know why they're called ear wigs, right? cause they go in your ears! then they wig out? no, they kill you.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

8

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Guess what? AIDS!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

do you know what Noah didn't bring on his arc? unicorns

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A father of 4 commits suicide. his kids celebrate shortly after.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

how do you break up with someone lightly and not hurt their feeling I dont want to hurt your feeling but i hate you

thumb_up thumb_down

What has nine arms and sucks? Four children with two arms snacking on a lollipop, and one child with one arm snacking on a lollipop.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you do If you can't afford a hair cut? Don't get one.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the child say after the priest touched him? Thank you for the ashes Father, have a blessed Lenten season.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the weiner dog puncture Doris's bladder? It got carried away during an oral sex session.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

No it isn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q. What's white, has an orange bill, and looks like a swan? A. a swan

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything is black, I am blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

I was not scared, I was disappointed, I was expecting to see you for you, not the whole strange outfit getup, what was the point of that? I know the deal about hypnosis and stuff, did you know it is actually known as monoideoism? But I really cant figure for the life of me how it is physically possible to be under a deep state of trance and completely awake at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops