A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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SQUID DOMINATION!!! Squids WILL Take Over the World!!!

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Q: What did the Jewish man find when he turned on his shower? A: gas

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(To the pretty girl at the bar) "Was your father a thief? Because I really would like to have sexual intercourse with you."

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What's worse than finding out you have aids? Nothing. Actually I lied. It would suck being an illegal immigrant.

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What's Hitler's favorite drink? Jews (meaning juice)

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whats worse then having sex with a blonde? having sex with a cactus

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A blonde, ginger, and brunette took the SAT. They all performed successfully and were admitted into their colleges of choice.

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http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CAsQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fhomepage.eircom.net%2F~cronews%2Felep%2Felep.html&ei=1aAjVMrJJcePoQS99ILADg&usg=AFQjCNEy4qvnhug3LTGYLGylpoRhxjk_zg

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Whats the difference between a black guy and a bench? Ones a person and the others a bench.

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Why did the Asian man have a small penis? Because he was flaccid.

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Why were there teeth marks in the guys arm? He bit himself

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Abe Lincoln, George Washington, George Bush and Barack Obama are sitting at a table at a bar. They discuss politics and time travel.

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knock knock who's there? roses are red, violets are blue, i shit in a bag and now its in flames on your porch

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So three men walk into a bar and buy a round of drinks for everyone. As they do this, three kenyans die of dehydration while their families weep at their feet.

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your face

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Q. What do you call a Widow's Husband? A. Dead...

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Why couldn't the hobo buy any clothes? They did not have his size available.

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What's better than singing in the rain? Singing in a Pitt of fire. Oh wait that would be way worse than singing in the rain

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You know what big feet mean? Big socks

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What do you call a dog with 4 legs? A dog.

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What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock eater.

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Q. What did one wall say to the other wall? A. Peekaboo I see you.

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If Chuck Norris were to be hit by a train he would die

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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