A group of young men walks into a bar. They drink some booze, laugh, have a great time and then go home to sleep.

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John and Marry wanted an abortion. God just laughed And Jesus was born Merry Christmas everyone!

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Wanna hear a Harry Potter joke? Knock Knock Who's there? You know You know who?

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What do you call a black person that flies a plane? A pilot.

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I jacked off over a blind girl the other day, she never saw me coming

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A fish walks into a bar

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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What do you think about whats happening in the middle east right now? You're an idiot.

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You know whats worse than finding a fly in your soup? 9/11

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse thus lacking cognitive capacity to speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly shits on the floor then gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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How many sheets did the Asian want on his bed? "You sheet on my bed I kill you!"

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What's the difference between a duck? An armchair because the vest has no sleeves.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown There is crap in my garden

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Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a pedophile.

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Why did the TV fall of a cliff? Because a nice man was donating it to the homeless shelter which hangs over a cliff. The man placed the TV in the back room on the floor. There was a weak spot on the floor and when the fattest homeless person walked over the floor, the floor broke which was a HUGE inconvenience because he TV and the fat man fell through the floor and over the cliff, luckily the TV was plugged in so it was hanging by the cord but an old lady with Alzheimer's forgot that there was a hole in the floor and unplugged the TV so she could clean the switches. In the end the TV fell off the cliff.

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WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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So I was making this glass of milk right? So I get the milk out. And I get the soup out.. then I go...wait a minute...where'd the glass of soup come into this glass of situations? *smile+awkard pause because nobody will laugh at this=Success of this anti joke...try it*

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Q. Why didn't the man tell his girlfriend about his big lottery win? A. Because it was none of her business.

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What was little Sarah's last Words to johnny before he got hit by the bus??? Can i have your ice cream.

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Whats the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair.

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A man walks into a bar. It resulted in a concussion and 17 stitches.

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What's more traumatising than watching your dad raping a man? Watching a man raping your dad.

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why did kermit cry?Ms.Piggy knocked him out on Christmas and he slept through the party and all of the presents

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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