Why was Thomas Jefferson chosen to write the Declaration of Independence? He was an educated man and seemed suitable for said job.

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Why couldn't the girl swing on the swing set? She had no arms.

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Why would Jesse Ziegenbein and Terran Hansen make a good couple? Because they both smell like shit and are fat as hell

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What's better than getting to sleep in? Sex for the very first time.

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Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you." So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind." The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out! "The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.' The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.' "The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded! "So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.' "The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible. "The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'" The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her she is a burnette.

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What's green and invisible? This cabbage.

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whats the difference between a mexican and a bench? a mexican has elbows.

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"What happened to John after he got drunk 12 years ago"- police "I don't really don't know that question"- John Jr.

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Why did the boy run a marathon? because one of his good friends had just earlier passed away from pancreatic cancer and he decided to honor his memory by raising money through a 5k run. His family, friends and acquantances were all very proud of him and decided to hold the charity every year.

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what kind of road kill is green and smells like cookies?

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What's Brown and sticky? A stick!

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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Why can't Billy ride the bicycle? Billy's a fish.

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what do you get when you stick a pair of scissors in a four year old? an erection.

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What do you get when you jab a four year old with a pair of scissors? A warrant for your arrest.

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why was the man coughing? because there was a knife in his throat.

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what did Stephen Hawking say to the prostitute? My illness prevents me from achieving erection.

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whats in common with a rat and an apple? neither of them are a fridge

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What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of their mouth? That they may have had a stroke and you should immediately call 911.

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Why didnt your daughter come home? The door was locked

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united we sit, cause we're fat

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What do you call the black guy with a gun a ski mask on? Tyrone, because thats his name.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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