What sound did the man make? Splatt. He fell off a building.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What makes the turtle move? It's legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

How do you make 5 lbs of fat look good? Draw a smiley face on it.

thumb_up thumb_down

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says: "I forgot to store nuts for winter, now i am dead."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

a woman gives birth at the hospital in china and then the doctor comes in and says doctor- i have good news and bad news for your baby mother-what is it doctor- bad or good mother-bad doctor-the bad news is that the baby is a girl and the good news is that your baby has cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What sport do all black people like? This is impossible to answer because not all black people like the same sport.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a fucking idiotic douchebag with ebola? An ebloa paitent

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than a dead baby? 2 dead babies

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What side of the cheetah has the most spots? -The outside.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. But it wasn't actually getting bigger, it was just getting closer. So I got hit in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you get when you don't wear protection? A baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Roses are red Violets are blue There's nothing else I want to say

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a skeleton in your closet? Evidence of a brutal crime. You should probably call the cops.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

You know George Washington? He died.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the teacher arrive late for class? Because his father had a stroke the night before, and they had to rush to the hospital and because of exhaustion, he missed the bus, and arrived ten minutes late.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Whats yellow and shaped like a banana? Bananas

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Why is it hot outside? Because God made it so.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Its crackers to slip a rozer and dropsey in snide.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

There once was a beautiful princess named Snow White who lived with seven dwarves in the forest. One day, and old hag approached her and offered her an apple. She bit into the apple, chewed, and said,"Wow, that's tasty. Is this a Golden Delicious?" The hag said, "Why yes, it is. I have a private orchard. Perhaps I'll let you see it some time." The two promptly resumed their lives.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How to you kill a pizza guy? Shoot him in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down

Bob- yo mammas soo fat tha.. Joe- I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +55

European on my shoes, buddy.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have a few drinks, then go to a club, where they amuse each other and those around them by completely slurring their words in their already very strong regional accents. Then they get a taxi back to the house of the Englishman as he lives nearest, and stay the night. The next morning, the Scotsman and the Irishmen walk home as they are still hungover and do not wish to risk driving.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

What do a bike and a human have in common they are both objects

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops