when god gives you lemons, you find a new god!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish you were here, To get to the other side!

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

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Roses are red, violets are purple.

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Ed has spent all his days on the farm. It was the farm of his father and grandfather before him; long have they prospered from the fruits of this land. He has a wife and 3 beautiful children, all of whom live happily on the farm. Ed still manages to keep an active social life, and has lots of interesting friends. His best friend is Moe. As a young man, Ed had spent a few years living in the city for his studies. Moe lives in the city, and he knows Ed from College. One day, Moe came out to the farm to have lunch with his old friend. After lunch, he and Ed took a walk around the farm. They passed by the horses, the chickens, the pigs and finally they came to the cows. Ed looked at Moe, and he saw that he was focused intently on a single cow. "What's the matter, Moe?" he asked. "That," Moe said, "is one skinny cow."

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Question: Whats worse then getting hit by a bus? Answer: Getting hit by a train.

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A man walks into a bar. Because he's had a rough day, he asks the barender for a drink. Then another... Then another... (continued) The man walks out of the bar and goes to his car. He starts to drive back to his house. He wobbly makes turns and closes his eyes every 5 seconds or so. He also talks to his boss on his phone for the majority of the ride. Surprisingly enough, he makes it home safely and doesn't harm anyone else despite the large amount he had to drink. He stumbles into his apartment and goes up to his room. He slumps down onto his bed on his back very heavily, causing the room to shake a bit. He opens his eyes, only to find his glass shandelier falling from directly above his face. His body was found by his girlfriend the next morning. I guess there's no real moral to the story then... Maybe it's: You can drink and drive, but don't put a shandelier directly above your bed... I guess? Wow. What are the odds?

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Boy: what to hear a joke? girl: sure. Boy: woman rights.

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Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Because she was a very poor worker.

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What is sticky and smelly - a stick

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what do u call 2 puerto rician men playing basketball? won on won

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Why does Jeremy Kyle love his job? Because he gets to make idiots look like bigger idiots.

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What happened to the chicken crossing the road? She found a male chicken, had many babies and lived happily forever after.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.

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What's worse than being swallowed by a blue whale? Being swallowed by a bule whale with herpes.

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What did Billy say when he met the president? Nice to meat you Mr. President? -Louis

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whats worse than a worm in your apple? the Holocaust

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A man walked into a bar. Ouch! He stepped on a piece of a shattered bottle from a bar fight. Don't worry, though, it was just a little cut and he felt fine after a few beers.

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Stephen Hawking is so paranoid, always looking over his shoulder.

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what did the homeless man get for christmas? nothing.

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? -Gave her a timeout

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What's worse than a truckload of dead babies? Wait a week.

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Why is god mean? Cause he doesn't like you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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