Why did the police officer decide to eat a donut? Because he was slightly hungry, but a meal seemed too much for him.

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There's two homosexuals having sex in the back of a van...........they're over 21 what's wrong with that!

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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why did the rabit lose the race? it was a dumb@$$

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A guy walks into a bar with a watermelon under his shirt. The bartender asks what is under his shirt. He says, a watermelon.

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What's black and white and red all over? A chess board; I lied about the "red all over" part.

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Why was the gay guy sad?

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An orphan falls off a cliff.

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Q:What did the goat die? A: I dont know everything dies

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Roses are red, Violet are blue, This is Sparta, I am a chair

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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You know what's funny about table salt? Not much.

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Why did the cow stop running? - He ran out of breath

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How do you evolve a Pikachu into a Raichu? You use a Thunderstone.

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What can hitler cook well Steak

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Does it really matter?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to its dying chicks who were just run over.

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How many Jews do you have to kill in order to make a museum? 6 Million.

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Stop with the 9/11 jokes guys. They're just plane stupid.

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Why didn't the cow go to the candy store It had diabetes poor cow :(

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Whats white and blue and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? a fridge in a denim jacket :D

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I need somebody to lean on... ...Because one of my legs was amputated after I was blown up on a mine field in afganistan.

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Why am I constipated? I ate fiber glass insulation.

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An orange walks into a bar....orange you glad I didn't say banana?!?!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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