What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and floats? Nothing, its rude to make fun of disabilities.

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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy! But iI'm on bath salts and your face looks tasty!

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Two monkeys are sitting in a tree. One monkey looks to the other monkey and says, "I bet I can jump from this tree to the next tree without falling." The other monkey replies, "I'm sure you could. You're a monkey."

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What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

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What kind of car does Yoda drive? Nothing, Yoda doesn't exist.

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Yo' mama's such a hoe she got arrested last week for prostitution charges!

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Q: Why is six afraid of seven? A: Why??? Q: Idk, thats why I asked

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Whats big brown and sticky A sappy oak tree

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What did the boy say to the girl seductively eating a banana? A: bananas are my favorite fruit

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how do u talk to a person you like go up and talk to them

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So there we were, climbing Mount Kjerag and we take a break. So I decided to tell you a joke. "Isn't this nice, just hanging around? See it's funny because we're suspended over 1000 metres in the air by our harnesses, except that you're not because I cut yours and now you're falling and you're gonna die." But I had done all that before I told you the joke so you didn't hear me and now I'll have to cut my harness and try to catch up to you so I can repeat myself. Great job, ya prick.

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A daring man proclaimed "Well, here goes nothing!" And nothing happened.

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A bishop died and went to heaven. At the Pearly gates he sees Saint Peter , so he says to Peter "All my life I've been a committed Christian, but I just before I died I was tempted by a woman of ill repute". Saint Peter says "This is just an illusion, your dying brain is merely conjuring up images based on your presuppositions of an 'afterlife'. You have about three seconds left"

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Billy and Suzy sitting in a tree... Billy is gay.

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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How do you help a chronic drug addict? Buy him or her more drugs. They NEED it.

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What did Helen Keller do when she found a dead body? Nothing.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to touch the goats beard

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What do you do when you say shut up to someone and they say make me? Rip out their vocal cords.

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What did the cat say when someone pointed out that cats can't talk? Meow.

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What do you call a horny blond on the corner? A prostitute

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Whats worse than one jew. Ben rike

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why did the man pee in public? ... he couldnt hold it in.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because his farmer was abusive.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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