A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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How many Stephen Hawkings does it take to screw in a lightbulb? He can't.

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how do you get expelled? Rape a special ed kid.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the chicken fall off the tree? It was stapled to the monkey.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because at the climax point in the swing, gravity is making a much larger affect on you because you are pulling farther away from the earth as well as positioning your body in a way where it is awkward and unstable to support your body, which greatly increases the chance of you falling off and landing on the ground.

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Why did Little Jimmy never make it in the NBA? Because he died at age 6.

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If 6 is afraid of 7, what is 7 afraid of? ...Chuck Norris.

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How fast can you paint a fence with babies? Depends how fast you can throw them.

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Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. I saw him there again today; I've been sectioned. [L]

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Knock Knock Not Yet

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Knock Knock. Who's there? I left my car keys inside.

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roses are red, violets are blue, fudge is sweet, heres some fudge.

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Why did the blond put a condom on her hear? So, she would not get hearing ads.

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What did the guy say to the girl when he was holding a tool? You're a tool????

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What's better than 24-year-olds? Twenty 4-year-olds.

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sorry, that was a really bad joke, joking just joking, of course we can chat later, you got something in particular to do?

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Whats worse than a man who has had a hard day at work, he goes to a bar and gets drunk, he goes home and beats his wife? I his wife was fat and had cancer

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guess what? WHAT? Idk.

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Why was the boy praying? Because both of his parents had just been brutally murdered in front of him and he was analy defiled by the assailant and left alive to have live with the pain of seeing both of his parents be killed. He had also dropped his lollipop.

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whats the difference between you're mom and you're dad none there both the same

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What did the Muslim do when he got on the bus? He realized he was in the wrong place and got on a plane and blew it up.

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a man walks into a bar with a poodle stuffed halfway up his rectum... WHY ARE YOU WAITING FOR A PUNCHLINE!? MY GOD! THIS MAN HAS A DOG UP HIS ANUS!

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What do you call a black man yelling into a crowd? a preacher

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Last week, one of my ex girlfriends called me. She said she had to tell me some bad news. "I don't know how to tell you this but I have AIDS. I really didn't know how to reply to that so I said the only thing I could say. "Yeah, I know."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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