A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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roses are red, violets are blue, niggers are black and so is my poo

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Brian knew how to save the world from the death penalty: "Let's kill everybody who is not against it." So I killed Brian and waste my time in death row now.

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EVERYBODY has a penis!!! Everybody!!!!

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What's wet and pink? Bubblegum!

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What's the difference between ?2 and and 74^3? ?-405242.585786

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What did the Jewish man say to the Shia faction Muslim man? Even though we have different views on god and religion I value your friendship more than my religous views.

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A girl walks into a strip club, she was tired of her husband and wanted to see how it was actually done.

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Quinn Grifith Randel lives in Roswell, GA

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Ah dead on it was all Taggart!!!

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How can you tell when a African man is lying? Like any other person you would use a lie detector.

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How do you tell if your sister is on her period? Cause your dads dick tastes funny...

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What happened when the boys visited Penn State? They got toured around campus and decided that it would be their future college.

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A jew, a black man, an Irishman, a Scotsman, an Englishman, an American, and a muslim walk into a bar. They discuss their racial, political and religious opinions and walk away after a pleasant evening.

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Ask me if I´m an orange. Are you an orange? No I? a person.

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How can you tell if a duck is watching you? Look at its eyes

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Once you buy it, you will get a 365 day warranty or a 1 year warranty, whichever comes first

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Did you hear about the sea cow who sang "Part of your Herd?" It was the Little Moomaid.

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A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks: "why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and thus being incapable of comprehending the complexities of conversation said nothing, and shit all over the floor.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? As much as he wants to.

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Q:Why do people not live forever? A: Because they die dumbass.

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what is worse than finding a worm in your apple the earth exploding

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Who Lives in a Pineapple Under the Sea? No one, its physically impossible to live in a fruit and breathe under water

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Whats the difference between a baby and my freezer? I don't stick my meat in the freezer!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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