Q: What's worse than a truckload of dead babies? A: Shoveling them out with a pitchfork.

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i was driving home after work but i had to stop because an old lady wanted to cross the road..... the old lady was abused by her father as a child, and had Alzheimer's

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What should you say when someone says a bad joke? I'm sorry, your joke cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up and don't try again.

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Have you ever seen the episode of the powerpuff girls where they save the day?

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What did the elephant say to the poacher? Answer: Dear God in heaven, please don't kill me for my ivory.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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One day a boy asks his teacher what blue velvet is then the teacher says "we don't ask questions like that in my class go to principal's office now"so the boy goes to the principal's office and then the boy asks "what is blue velvet"then the principal says"no one says that in my school get out" so the boy goes home and asks his mom what is blue velvet then his mom says you don't say stuff like that in my house get out!so the boy see's the Mayer. So the boy asks the Mayer what blue velvet is then the Mayer says no one says that in my town get out of my town! So the boy see's a man and the boy goes to the man and the man asks what happend to you and the boy says well I got kicked out of school kicked out of my house and got thrown out of town just because i asked what blue velvet is! So the man tells the boy that there is a lady across the street. So the boy is in the road and then the boy gets ran over and dies. So the lesson here is look both ways before crossing a street

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What did Hellen Keller name her dog? Her parents named it Spot; Hellen Keller isn't able to speak due to her handicapped muteness.

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Why was the African American man afraid of dogs? He had a terrible childhood memory of being violently dry humped by a german shepherd.

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Your mama is so fat, we are all severely concerned for her health

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Why can't you fly? Because Chuck Norris said so.

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A man saw a dinosaur yesterday. He had a very nice time at the museum.

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Why doesn't Santa come in the Summer? Because it's not Christmas.

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What's funny about the holocaust? Nothing. Whoever thinks the holocaust is funny is a dick.

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A man sees a hitchhiker on a road. The man crashes because he was not watching the road.

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Roses are red They can be white too Violets are not blue They are violet

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have altzhiemers Cheese on toast.

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Why was the toddler laying in the middle of the road? Because she was the victim of a hit and run...

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What do you do if you walk outside and see your t.v. floating in the lawn in the middle of the night? Go back inside.

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I can prove I'm a psychic - this post is going to receive a lot of dislikes.

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What did the dogs say to Michael Vick? Arf Arf Arf, woof woof woof

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whats the difrence between a japaneese and chineese person? one is from japan and one is from china.

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Knock knock Who's there? Nobody Oh, ok

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School

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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