Knock knock Who's There? My name is Jeff

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Yo mama so fat that her weight is starting to tear her and your father apart.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Interrupting Pessimist. Interrupting Pessi- Slavery.

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Me: Ask my if I'm a secret agent. You: Are you a secret agent? Me: I cannot disclose that information.

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Q. What do humans and jelly beans have in common ? A. Nothing.

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What's Blue And Fat? A Brick. I like to lie a lot.

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Hey, your mom left something at my house. It is pink and lasy. It is her new hat and i think she will want it back.

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A man walks into a bar. He hit his head so hard that he went into a coma.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to KFC.

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One more note for my children: ...My words appeal to your dark, evil side, it is that which might trigger your fear and disgust... But dont blame your fear on me you moron... ....To those that react with fear and disgust towards my comments: You know the fear and disgust in you, your own emotions make you feel fear and disgust for yourselves, because like all and everything that feels the inspiring words of the Black Angel... ...You know you like it ;) The friendly Black Angel/R*pist: God can free you from the temptation I inspired in your heart, but why would you? Now, thumb this comment down, so you can feel "good about yourself" and suffer in life in order to become a slave and serve the one that made you suffer troughout life... You think me, yet you fail to see that if it where me, I would have be Jehovah your GOD!... ...Worry not though, all of those that plan to stick alive for 10-15 years and I allow to live, will get to serve The Only God, your EMPEROR: Moral Man... Know my name and fear it, and yes mortal, you will also be screaming it...

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What did the man on the moon say? Nothing. He died because his supply of oxygen ran out.

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What did your father say before he died? Nothing, he's already dead

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what do you call a small midget? a smidget.

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How many Haitians does it take to change a lightbulb? Typically one, unless the light bulb referenced is in an inconvenient location or is over-sized / industrial grade.

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A blond walked into a bar. A guy picker her up and then they had sex.

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What did the boy do before school? Jacked off.

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Knock Knock Who's there? It's actually much safer to look through the peep hole than it is to let a stranger know you are home.

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What do you call a scottish drunk? a taxi

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Knock knock. Who's there? Open the fucking door. Open it! This is a fucking robbery. This is not a fucking joke. Get down on the ground. Shut that baby up. Shut that fucking baby up! Now! Get on the fucking ground or I swear to Christ I will fucking end your life. Tell the kids to go to their room. Do it. Do it, you fucking bitch! Where's the fucking jewelry? You got any money stashed anywhere? Come on, I know it's here. Keys? Your husband got any guns? Give me everything valuable or I swear to god, I will fucking murder you in front of your son. The woman was brutally raped for hours.

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Your Momma's so fat when the whales see her they don't say anything as they are unable to speak the human language.

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What did farmer brown say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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No!

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What did the octopus say to the lion? Nothing, because the likely hood of a lion and an octopus meeting is incredibly slim, as an octopus is a sea creature, and a lion isn't. A lion and an octopus cant even communicate with each other anyway, so even if they did come across each other they wouldn’t be able to talk. Octopi are also anti-social creatures by nature so I can say with some confidence that the lion and the octopus will not have a convocation. Written By JAMES!

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Why did the bald man lose his hair no not cancer obviously AIDS.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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