What did the thief get for Christmas? Nothing. He was sentenced to the death penalty.

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A black man walks into a bar and he orders a margarita. The bartender says that the margaritas are exceptionally delicious in this bar. He was right.

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Why didnt the guy eat cereal? Cause he didnt have any

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Why couldn't the man ever reach his dream of becoming a professional athlete? He was pronounced with Alzheimer at a young age and could never remember his dream the next day.

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An alligator walks into a bar. The bar tender calls animal control and calmly escorts everyone out the back door.

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How do you make a girl scout cry? Kill her family.

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Why did the basketball team from Detroit win the youth championship? Because they had a good coach amd dedicated, hard-working players.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Who are you?

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Well no, thats not true, sorry, I mean I GET THAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

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Why couldn't Helen Keller read? Tree sap.

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Chuck Norris has normal human strength.

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What did the say to the host of the pool party after he pooped? Mr. TImmons! There is chocolate in the pool!

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Midgets' mouths are perfect height for, kissing other midgets.

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Welcome to Horsehead! 1. Our servers are derpy right now, do yourself a favor and never come back, oh yes they are gonna be derpy right then too! 2. THIS IS MY WORLD PEOPLE MYYYYY WOOOOOOOORLD!... ...Ps: My world sucks. 3. Antijokes 30000 per day, other stuff, Zero. (30000 by me) 4. You: People better like me because I dont like myself. Me: I like myself FUCK PEOPLE! FUCK YOU! (thats me on horsehead) welcome to die! 5. IRIS... IRIS! WHAT AM I TYPING FOOOOOOOOOOOOR!

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Your mother's so fat she occupies more space than a thin person does and is more likely to bump into environmental objects.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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How do you make a dog drink? Put one in a blender.

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What is pink and smells like tuna? Salmon

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What's brown and sticky? Molasses.

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Q. How do you drowned a blond A. Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool

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How many blondes does it take to walk into a bar? One I guess. I don't know if I understand the question.

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Roses are red Violets are baskets This joke makes no sence... ... boobs

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Vegeta, What does the scouter say about his power level? It's Over 9000!!!!!

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What's grey and looks good on policemen? your mom.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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