How does Michael J. Fox mix his paint? He uses the paint mixing stick that is provided, for free, by most reputable hardware stores.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies? One's used for bowling and the other's just sad.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Making jokes about 9/11 is just plane wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN cil you have such a dirty mind

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q) Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? A) Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Want to hear an orphan joke? Knock Knock Who's there? Not the parents

thumb_up thumb_down +6

You know what they say about big shoes? Big socks. You know what they say about big socks? Big feet. You know what they say about big feet? Big hands. You know what they say about big hands? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call a Muslim woman driving a plane? First, you don't "drive" planes you "fly" them. Second, you should address her as Ma'am, Captain, or Pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

so a square said to another square,your rather obtuse oh wait squares cant talk,whats going on. later that day,chuckles realizes he isnt funny -chuckles

thumb_up thumb_down -39

What's the difference between Megan Fox and a dead baby? I'll eat Megan Fox before I fuck her.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Yo mama is so fat, she just had a heart-attack. She's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

What is worse than braking a fingernail, Learing that a clown raped your entire family

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What eats grass and goes MMMMOOOOOOO? A weird person that likes to eat grass and MMMMOOOOOOO

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A blond, a brunnet and a read head all fall off a cliif, wich one did not die They all died you idiots

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Waffles ate my grandma

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who practices the Jewish religion. A pizza is an italian dish consisting of dough, cheese, and tomato sauce.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

hi jonny

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: 9/11 jumpers 200 stories in 5 seconds

thumb_up thumb_down +36

At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

But one McDonalds Happy Meal for the price of two, and receive another McDonalds Happy meal absolutley free!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What does Santa do on Halloween? He gives out candy to the kids who come to his door.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Roses are burning, Violets are burning, my house is on fire

thumb_up thumb_down +30

The man was so nice It's too bad he couldn't hear the bus coming.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops