I got 99 problems... and an indeterminate number of them are bitches.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Yo Momma is so fat she is at risk of contracting Type 2 Diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q: Why did the plain crash? A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. By: LV

thumb_up thumb_down -14

This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena and his Grandfather's lucky medallion and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do grass and cows have in common? They both say "moo" except for grass

thumb_up thumb_down +17

An Asian couple walks into a bar, orders a few drinks, pays, and leaves

thumb_up thumb_down -40

You tell me. I have amnesia.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your house? You could ask a neighbor, or check to see if anything has been missing, or set up a camera. There are actually many ways.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Barack Obama walks into a KKK meeting. Everyone in the meeting is shocked, and no one says a thing out of sheer embarrassment because racism is no longer socially acceptable.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

There once was a man from Nantucket.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Making a good analogy is like making a chocolate sundae; either way there are simply no reindeer left, and the glass of water you once had is now gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Hit by a bus Why did the bus driver drop his coffee? He hit the boy

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Noideer! No.Blind What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still Noideer! No, it's basically dead

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you make a baby fit in a bottle? Blender.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do stop a clown from laughing? Hit in the face with a hatchet.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's worse than anti-jokes? The holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do astronauts and Wayne Rooney have in common? I don't know. Ok.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q: How do you fit 20 babies into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Tortilla chips.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a black man with a gun? Officer.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What has lips and smells like a fish? A fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is worse then falling into a lava pit? Nothing you idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics? Not being retarded. - Blake Woodman

thumb_up thumb_down +35

The scientists of Cambridge have finally developed a cure for feeling low! They have presented it in the style of a song. See if you can spot the hidden frequency wavelengths when you sing it out lout. They are what make you feel better. You've got to LOVE the world! Be a friend! And when You're down you've got to get up again! And when your blue, here's what you do. Just sing this happy tune! However if that fails, then you should consider getting professional help.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

knock knock who's there? me josh! come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops