Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie.

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What did the cat say to the elephant? Meow.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Keep talking shit bitch, and I'll come for you!

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What's big, black and hard to swallow? A bowling ball.

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What do you call a black hitch-hiker? Stranded

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Johnny Manziel is the best quarter ever (this isn't a joke just a true statement)

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A man comes home from work and finds his wife in bed with his next-door neighbor. Furious, he shouts 'What's the meaning of this?!' And his wife answers 'A pronoun used to identify a specific person or thing close at hand or being indicated or experienced'.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Sorry wrong door.

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What was the pirates favorite letter? Q.

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Why don't women like to have penises? Evidently women have different tastes than men in what body parts they enjoy having.

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The man says to the doctor "Sir, I have contracted a terrible headache." The doctor replies back, "Yes you do."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, he didn't my car got to him first.

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What's the difference between dead babies and Christmas lights? I don't have Christmas lights hanging on my Christmas tree...

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A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

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okay i know you read this far but this is the turning point

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Did u hear what happened to that man with no arms and no legs who tried to play water polo? No, what happened He drowned....

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Did you hear the joke about the deaf mail man? No. Neither did he.

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Adam Claypool walks into a bar. He immediately sucks the bartender's dick because he is the biggest queer anyone has ever seen

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what do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and see your tv floating thats odd.

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What do you call a Mexican who likes to eat burritos? A Mexican

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Roses are black, violets are black. I'm Hellen Keller.

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Wife: Where were you all night. Husband: Cheating on you with your sister

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What did the three bears say when rhey discovered goldilocks? Nothing. They mauled her to death.

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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