What did Lebron James say to Brad Pitt? "What's up, Brad?"

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Why did the Jewish man leaves a coffee shop without leaving a tip? He was homeless and spent his last cents on the coffee.

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"Sticks and stones" the man said and shat on three different complex turtles

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I called this hot girl up from class one day. She told me to come over because no one was home. I got to her house, and no one was home.

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Your mum is so ugly that i make jokes about how ugly she is

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Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange Orange. Aren't You Glad I Didn't Say Cliterus?

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What's Arabs' cutlery? Bread

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Why did the chiken cross the road? It didn't, J-walking is against the law.

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2 dogs one jar of peanut butter

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How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By pulling human entrails out of her purse when he asks her to provide insurance.

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what's worse than a bee sting? 2 bee stings what's worse than 2 bee stings? the Holocaust. what's worse than the holocaust? 3 bee stings

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Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face

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Why did the man fall over? He was blind.

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Who were the fastest readers of all time? The victims of 9/11. They went through over 87 stories in less than 2 1/2 minutes.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What's the difference between Justin Beiber and a horrible singer? Nothing.

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Did u hear about the jew that bought something not on sale? Neither did i.

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How do you wake up your grandmother........ You don't, she had a massive heart attack and died in her sleep

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Hey, you must be a parking ticket. Because you are on the windshield of my car.

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Your mum's so fat, she should probably consult her local GP to insure she doesn't die of a cardiac arrest.

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How do you make a sandwich? You don't, you have a girl do it for you.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven has an extra penis

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Penis

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Q. why did the boy who just had his first kiss feel no emotion? A. He got hit a Croquet mallet and died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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