A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks: dude, what happened to your eye? The man replies: abuse.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why couldn't Timmy ride a bicycle? Because Timmy was a goldfish

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did ahmet say to adem...? LEMME SUCK ON THOSE TITS joke made by dark

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why cant Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukaemia.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

When a Jew with a boner walks into a wall what hits first? It really depends weather his arm or leg is sticking out when he hits the wall. When studying trejectory sciences, you will find out that it will be nearly a 95% chance that his foot will in fact hit the wall first.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why can't Micheal J. Fox draw a perfectly straight line? It is impossible for humans to draw perfect lines.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Go online. why? To get a quote. why? To save money. why? Because we said so! Parenting can be hard. See how easy it is to save with GEICO.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Her doctor told her that if she didn't start watching her cholesterol she might suffer from heart related illness in the near future.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you get when you cross a zebra and a panda? Well, pandas are almost extinct. I guess they gave up and started goin' with zebras.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Persond A: A guy blows himself and his family up with a hand grenade Person B: HEY!!! Thats not funny thats how my family died

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the piano explode? Beacause someone planted an explosive inside of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Crime doesn't pay. Sure it does

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Guy A: Why is 6 scared of 7? Guy B: Because 7, 8, 9? Guy A: No, numbers don't have feelings Guy C: That's so dumb Guy A: Hey you know what, this is an A and B conversation so... Guy C: So C your way out? Guy D: Yeah, before D and E come and F U up! Guy E: Are you guys high or something? Guy F: Dude, I'm a girl, F stand for female (Author): Oops sorry Girl F: Thanks Guy G: Mind Blown O_O

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer caught it.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

knock, knock who's their? police get down on the ground!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

whats worse then being married to your dog eating your dog out

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I used play skyrim...but then I realsied I had a lot of exams so I had to stop

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's the best Medieval job? A Jester because you get to play with balls all day.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

why did the boy scream? because he got shot.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What starts with C and ends with UNT. Ciretrunt

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Whats black and yellow and is funny when its falling off a cliff? A bus full of niggers.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A moose walks into a store and asks the lady where the potatoes are. She says "isle five". he walks to isle five and there were no potatoes

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops