Why are Mexicans so good at jumping, swimming and running? They aren't. You're just racist.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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roses are red grass is greener get in the bed and suck on my wiener

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What did the bicycle say to the fat kid? Nothing, bikes cant talk.

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What did the black man say to the white man when the white man was drunk and naked on the roof dancing? Quit fucking around Brad and get off my roof or I'm calling the police because this is the third time this month.

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Your mamma's so fat she has diabetes and may die because she may not be able to loose enough weight to keep her blood sugar at a regulated number.

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How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, it's not that hard.

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Ben: do you want to hear a joke. jack: yh go on then, i bet its funny. Ben: Your future.

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whats better than 7 babies in one trash can 1 baby in 7 trash cans

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whats forever alone me

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A successful, articulate, charming, well mannered, rich, young man walks into a bar.... Every night

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he was forced, along with thousands of his poultry counterparts, on a march to meet their imminent death at a mass slaughterhouse. Upon being beheaded and processed, the meaty corpse was delivered to a local grocery store and cooked into a wholesome family dinner.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it was hit by a truck.

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a white guy walks into a bar luckily he is not an alcoholic and knows when to safely stop drinking and already gave his keys to a friend.

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Why was the wife laying on the ground crying? Because she wasn't in the kitchen making a sandwich for her husband

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Why are black people afraid of chainsaws? Because chainsaws are potentially dangerous weapons that may inflict bodily harm.

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What is funnier than a dead baby? almost everything. there is nothing funny about a dead baby.

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Why did Obama cross the road? Oh, wait, he didn't make it.

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A Woman Left The Kitchen. Then Was Promptly Ordered To Go Back.

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What do you call a bunch of black people buried up to their hair? Afro turf

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? That's right.

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Q: What did the tree say as he fell? A: Studies have shown plants in general do not have a voice box, thus making plants incapable of speaking.

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An orphan falls off a cliff.

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What do a baby and a slinky have in common? They both bring a smile to your face when you push then down a flight of stairs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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