If Jimmy had 5 apples and his brother had 5 apples then their father would have been married to their mother before they were born.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What happens when you cross a porcupine, a beaver, a duck, a go-cart, a dinosaur, a star, a cheap "Big 'n Beey" bathroom, and the cookie monster? Justin Bieber. XD

thumb_up thumb_down

Did you hear about the black man who went to college? Me too! I'm so proud of him!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Son: Mommy, Mommy can i have a cookie! Mom:Sure Honey there on the top shelf Son:But mommy i have no arms Mom:No arms, No cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what do you call a black guy in a house? a burglar

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A rapist leaps out a woman and yells "surprise!" and proceeds to have non-consensual intercourse with her. Later, he is arrested by the police and charged with sexual assault.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Knock knock who's there? Screw this Screw this who? Im screwing this like ur boyfriend screwed you!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. The chicken got crushed by a fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Gary.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A man walks into the office for an appointment. The doctor proceeds to perform the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

National security?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well it all starts back in 1765. Sir clucks the 3rd, was the finest most brave chicken there was. No other chickens could even compare. Well you see Sir clucks, with all of his riches and wealth, was one of the most popular chickens of his time. Everyone knew of his vast fortunes. Unfortunately for sir clucks his fortune caused him great misfortunes. You see the dastardly Honey badger brothers heard of the Great Sir clucks and thought to themselves "Why does sir clucks get all the fame and fortune." With that being said the Three brothers came up with one of the most evil plans. They found sir clucks, walking through an alleyway in SHITBUTT city. They surrounded Sir clucks and beat him to the brink of death. They then threw a bag over his head and threw him in their windowless rape van. They then sped off in the night, taking sir clucks to their hideout out in the Dastardly Dry Desert. Not many days passed before the citizens of SHITBUTT city realized that their Most beloved Sir clucks had gone missing. Day,weeks months passed by, but to no avail. Finally, in the 4th month of sir clucks absence, the honey badger brothers sent mayor Monkeyman a ransom note explaining how they want 1 million in clean bills. Little did they know Sir clucks had been coming up with a plan of his own, as the days passed. Nightfall came and Sir clucks set his plan in motion. He had been working on getting his bindings loose and tonight was the night he would escape. "I don't feel so well" says sir clucks to one of the honey badger brothers that was on guard that night. "ehhh what seems to be the problem?" he opens sirclucks cage, not knowing he is a 7th level Black belt. BAM SMACK BONG and with that sir clucks moved quicker than a jack rabbit and ran out into the chill desert night. After hours of running and his feet bloody to the bone he came to a road. You know what happened next? He crossed that SHIT and lived happily ever after And that my amigos is the Factual true story of Sir clucks the 3rd.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

There are two cowboys in the kitchen. One says to the other, "I feel at 'home on the range.'" To which the other replies, "Is that because of your extensive culinary background?" The first cowboy breaks down in tears because he realizes he's not pursuing what he truly loves.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Actually, 6's fear was totally irrational, and thus unexplainable. This sort of fear is generally referred to as a phobia.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

whats the difference between a joke and the holocaust? ...There both funny..Exept for the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What is marios favorite type of jeans? a brand that he enjoys and feels is comfortable in

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Going to bed? Mind if I Slytherin?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Q:Why are babies and spaghetti alike? A:They both stick to the wall when cooked.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a middle eastern man flying a plane?? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What does the homosexual arab who plays football who has a best friend called Dave enjoy doing? Playing football.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than being killed? Reading these jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why can't Kevin run with scissors? Because he killed himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do a plum and an elephant have in common? They're both gray, except for the plum

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why Oscar lives with elephants in a zoo ? Because he's an elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops