What did the toaster say to the raisin? Nothing. The toaster was mute and the raisin had lost his hearing in a terrible full-contact origami accident.

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Penis-Pump

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Or something... Volume one. What do you do if you are in the jungle and get confronted by one jaguar to your left, and one tiger at the right and got only one bullet left in your gun? You shoot the Jaguar and drive home in the tiger.

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Q:Why did Billy drop his ice cream? A:He was hit by a truck. Q:Why did the clown fall off the swing? A:He was hit by Billy. Q:Why did the clown's friend fall off the swing? A:He had no arms. Q:Why did the chicken cross the road? A:To get to Billy's ice cream.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Reality TV.

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My dog has no nose, so how does it smell? It can't, I just told you it has no nose.

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Why couldn't little Jimmy play catch with his dad? Because he was an orphan.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally

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Where did Susie go after an explosion? Everywhere

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Knock Knock Hold on Im pooping.

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Why was Adam sad? His wife found him cheating with several women which led to a lengthy and messy divorce and him losing custody of his two children and his house.

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Its a bird...its a plane....it IS a plane

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Why do you have to write a conclusion at the end of your paper? So people dont have to read the whole thing.

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What happened to all of the happy birds flying over the field? They were all suddenly stricken by the bird flu and died.

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The only positive thing in my life, is the HIV test! Lymmel

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Rebecca Black just died, she walked into a stadium and was overwhelmed by the amount of seating choices.

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A boy grows up loving tractors. For birthday and Christmas each year he got a tractor toy of some kind, until the age of 17, when he finally gave up tractors and got himself a CD player. One day, listening to all the latest tunes with some headphones, he looks outside to see his neighbour's house on fire. He goes outside to find firemen trying to put out the blaze. He jumps into the blazing house and inhales as much as he can, which astonishingly puts out the blaze. A fireman confusing asked "How did you do that?" The boy replies, " I'm an ex-tractor fan."

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The mouse and the elephant went to take a bath. They had a nice time.

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Ask me if I'm a cucumber. Are you a cucumber? No.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

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Q: What is the difference between a duck? A: That question doesn't make any sense.

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How did the Jewish husband and stay together forever? They didn't. They ended up in divorce like 50% of all other married couples due to irreconcilable differences.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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