how do you turn your dishwasher into a garbage disposal? make her take out the trash.

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How many men does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

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Q: Why did the Asian boy pass the math test? A: By studying with dedication to the field.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a finger And the middle ones for you

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An unarmed man robbed a bank today, he failed because he had no way of carrying the cash out.

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a boy meets a girl the rest is censored

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why was the blonde confused? because she was born with a low IQ making her mentally retarded.

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What is better then winning the special olympics? Not being retarded

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What did the jew say to hitler? SURPRISE!! IM YOUR NEW DADDY

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If life gives you lemonade.

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What's the difference between Asians and buckets? I don't use Asians to scoop water out of the lake.

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How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator? Open the door and let him in. How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator? Open the door and let the elephant out then give the giraffe a reasonable amount of time to enter.

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What did the asian boy's parents say when he came home with a report full of b-pluses? "You did well, but try harder next time."

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What do you do if a blond throw a grenade at you? Take the pin out and throw it back

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YEAH WELL SMELL YOUR BREATH U BELLEND

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? Yes.

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How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

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Why is the chicken on the road? Cuz he died trying to get to the other side.

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a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded at sea,the brunette swims 1 quarter of the way to shore, gets tired and drowns.The redhead swims 3 quarters of the way to shore, gets tired and drowns. The blonde swims half the way to shore, gets tired and swims back.

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What did the blind man say to his teacher? Nothing, blind people can't talk.

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ProX hacker JazZ Has aids hahahaha

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He decided to sail to Portland. He cast off and was never seen again.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Minecraft!

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because Osama bin Laden is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops