How do you get a clown out of a tree? Shoot him in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Can Helen Keller keep a secret? No, she didn't hear it in the first place

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I was jacking off I don't use my hand tho, I just use my gf's vagiina

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Roses are gray Violets are gray Pansies are gray Daffodils are gray I am a dog :)

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How did the newborn baby come out of a man? It was ejaculated as a sperm from his testicles

thumb_up thumb_down +42

what do you call your cousin drew? drouchebag

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the man in the kitchen? Because his wife was raped and killed.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Your momma's so fat she has a hard time finding clothes to fit

thumb_up thumb_down +11

if life gives you lemons. squeeze one into your moms eye.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How are baseball and the holocaust similar? They're both games, except for the holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why can't we see the wind? Because no one likes you...

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How many women does it take to ski across the pit of lava? None, they would burn and die.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A 21 year old man walks into a bar with a vase of 12 roses. 57 years later he died after a lengthy battle with colon cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A plane crashes on the border of the U.S. and Canada, where were the deceased buried? It turns out that there were passengers of several different nationalities on board, all of which were buried in their respective homelands.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

You're rowing a canoe upstream and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a dog house? None because icecream doesn't have bones.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A duck walks into a grocery store. He looks at the shopkeeper, who then grabs a broom and shoos him back outdoors.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

what's white, sticky, and very fluffy? which can be sweet or bitter, depending on what the person ate. THATS RIGHT. it's CUM. :D

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple ? The Holacoast

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the nervous man jump out of a plane? He was sky diving.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are Red Violets are Blue No they're not They're purple

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What's the difference between a piano and a goldfish? One's a piano, the other is a goldfish.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: Why are all black people fast? A: Because the slow ones are in jail.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops