being sober in a bar fight

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What did Johnny get for Christmas? Nothing. Johnny is Jewish.

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A man sees a hitchhiker on a road. The man crashes because he was not watching the road.

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One morning a man was frustrated at the dining table. His wife ask "What's wrong?". He says "I can't fit this stupid puzzle pieces together." His wife asks "What's it a picture of?" The man says "A rooster" The wife says "Honey, put the cornflakes back in the cereal box." The man says "no".

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My life

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Knock knock. Come in.

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Q. What's black and white and red all over? A. Certainly not a newspaper. Nobody reads those anymore.

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I went to visit my friend last week (not a guy, guys as friends? Thats just gay, I mean you fuck all of your friends right?) And she was really happy and stuff right? I mean REALLY happy, and the poor thing was depressed for like 8-9 months or something. So I was like: ARE YOU HIGH RIGHT NOW? >:( She said: YEAH I AM HIGH ON LIFE! I looked down at the ground, it contained a full box full of syringes and needles! So I grabbed the whole thing and threw them out! So then I learned what Insulin was anyways. Ps: Depressed, pregnant... Not sure anymore, it was like two weeks ago or something.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was hit by a fridge. Why did Sally fall off her bike? She was hit by a falling monkey and fridge.

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Why did the black guy jump into the pool? Because he wanted to go swimming

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What do you call a fat legless over weight black man called Tom. Tom.

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What's worse than having a mouth full of molars? A pole through your chest.

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what rhymes with sloth? rape

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How many blonds does it take to kidnap a child? One.

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Do you know what hurts? An abortion.

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What did the poor family eat for thanksgiving? Food

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How do you get a baby into a bowl? Use a blender. How do you get the baby out of the bowl? Tortilla chips.

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If life gives you melons, you have dyslexia.

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a Dyslexic, Agnostic, Insomniac stayed up all night, wondering if there really was a dog.

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What is the difference between you and I? I obviously have a life aas you don't because you are still reading these stupid jokes.

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What is the difference between a cow and a clam one is bivalve and one is a mammal

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What is worse than spending time with in-laws? Nothing.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven.

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Women

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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