What did the pineapple say to the orange? Nothing; Neither a pineapple nor an orange contains the necessary muscles to produce speech.

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Knock Knock : F*ck im watching porn...

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.......ah shit i forgotten the joke

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Q: How do you tell a Jewish person that you love them? A: You tell them "I love you".

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blood is red also Nothing else is blue

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Q: what do you call a person who's ass is dumb A: a dumbass

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Have you ever been to Uranus? Well I heard it's nice this time of year.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, floating in the ocean? A victim of the increasingly violent Mexican drug cartels.

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Why did the Mexican cross the border? To get into the USA for a better lifestyle.

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How are Lamborghinis and piles of dead babies alike? I don't have either in my garage. Except for the pile of dead babies.

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whats long and stretchy? elastic

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A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. A family is tied-up and screaming for help in my basement.

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What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies. One is used in the sport of bowling, and the other is just a tragic, very saddening sight to see.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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Have you ever listened to the smell of the color 9? It tastes like freedom!

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What do you call a dead baby lying in the road? A Tragedy

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Q: What's worse than being fat? A: Getting even fatter than u already are. :o

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Guess what? Bananas

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knock knock who's there aids aids who ... dumb ass

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A man wakes up after a long night with a girl he recently met. He pulls out a cigarette, and looks for his lighter, but can not find it. He asks the girl if she has a lighter and she replies "There might be some matches in the top drawer of my dresser." He opens the top drawer and finds some matches.

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A circus clown riding the cutest miniture Shetland pony both fall over a cliff and die.

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What do two Jews have in common? They both practice the same religion.

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Why did the student have a staring contest with his teacher? Well, the teacher was actually unaware of the competition.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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