Today i decided to burn calories, so I grabbed my lighter from the counter and put it in my pocket and proceeded to the treadmill.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did jimmy say when his brother had been mean to him all day and he was about to get a straw and his brother took the last one? That was the last straw!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

teacher: say ur alphabet kid: abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwuxyz kid:wheres the pee teacher:half way down my leg

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken is now getting flowers for her dead children that got hit buy multiple cars, also the chicken is a human mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why does Jimmy Neutron have a big head? Heredity.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was the boy sad? Because he met Larry.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How was a blonde woman able to get into Harvard? She was smart and had a very good SAT score.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

WHAT THE BABIES?!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A man named Carl walks into a bar and sees another man named Ed who has purple skin and is holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other. Carl approaches Ed and asks, "Why is your skin purple and why are you holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other?" Ed replies stating, "Well its actually a pretty funny story. I was sailing near cape cod and a saw a large whale jump out of the water, and that gave me a really good idea. So I sailed home immediately and wrote a very detailed novel about my days in Vietnam. The book was a success and I was able to make a large amount of money. However, unfortunately I became addicted to cocaine and wasted all of my money and had to live on the streets. Since then, I have cleaned up my act and am working again and have a house. I decided to treat myself to a night out and so I came here and painted myself purple. Then, I found this chinchilla and policeman's helmet on the floor and decided to hold onto it until I find the owner. Now that I think about it, that story isn't very funny. I apologize." Carl then accepted the apology and the two had a drink together and are still good friends today.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Do you like waffles yeah we like waffles do you like pancakes do you like french toast yeah we like french toast dododododod let me get a mouth full. WAFFLES!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Abbie shaved her arse today....then it smiled at me

thumb_up thumb_down

What happens if you play CS:GO? Well you loose alot of fucking money.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

roses are red violets are blue if i had a gun i would shoot you

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What is worse than a nuke exploding? Going to the hospital and finding out you have cancer and aids.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you get when you combine a potato and an apple? A nice Apple Potato Souffle...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the baby cross the road? It doesn't matter. He was hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

A man had two horses. One was black and one was white. He cut the tail of one of them to tell them apart.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What does the fox say? "It's called a hustle, sweetheart."

thumb_up thumb_down -44

A blonde walks into a bar ouch

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I don't always drink beer but when I do, I viciously beat my wife and children.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call a box with a dead Jew in? A coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Whats green has 4 legs and would kill someone if it fell out of a tree??? A pool table.....

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned

thumb_up thumb_down -3

When you give your homecoming date flowers, you're really handing them a bouquet of sex organs

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops