A man goes to the doctor's office. The doctor says, "I have some bad news, and some worse news. The bad news is you have alzheimer's. The worse news is you have cancer." The man breaks down in tears, realizing that his life as he knew it is over, and recognizing the horrible burden he is about to become on his family, both financially and emotionally.

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On a scale of 1 to Lord Voldemort, how awkward would you say your hugs are?

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a mother cow walks up to her three child cows. the first cow asks: "mom, why am i named rose?" the mother responds with: "because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head." the second cow asks: "what about me, mom?" the mother says: "when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." the third cow says: "AAAAOOOOOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!" the mother screams: "SHUT UP REFRIDGERATOR."

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown who the hell took a shit in my garden?

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what is behind your butt? DEEZ NUTS

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So a train conductor is going at 70 mph to to a destination 50 miles away. He goes over 3 hills, one at 20 mph, the other 42 mph, and the last at 63 mph. he crosses 2 bridges at 47 mph each. What did the train conductors mom eat for dinner that night Nothing she had cancer and died.

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Your mother smells so bad that she scheduled an appointment with her doctor, who prescribed her deodorant soap and chlorophyll and suggested she see a therapist for her chronic self esteem problems.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a pressure-sensitive explosive device.

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You know whats funny? Matty Broom.

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Why did Little Billy fall off the swing? He got hit by a washing machine.

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Q.) How do you fit a baby into a bowl? A.) With a blender! Q.) How do you get it out? A.) With Tostitos! -Sebastian and Chris (aka 100 and Zelot) (we did not make this joke, we just had to share it)

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What do you call a fish without an eye? A fsh

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A man walked into a bar. He got a head trauma and committed suicide.

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What do you call an Arab guy flying a plane? A pilot.

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Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing? R: Because she had no arms.

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What's green and fuzzy and will kill you if it falls out of tree? A Pool Table

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What's worse than finding jokes that repeat on Anti-Joke.com? AIDS

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What did the Rasta man say when he got his dread stuckin the toilet ?

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Roses are dead Violets are too Were all gonna die So are you.

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why can't James swim at 2010 summer ? because james died at 2009

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Roses are brown Violets are brown Everything's brown Who shit on my flowers

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Three women, a blonde a brunette and a readhead, jump out of an airplane without wearing parachutes. And this is why women should stay in the kitchen.

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What do fat people and shinease people have in common? They both have a lot of chins.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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