hi, my name is zack, i have a boner from the girl to my right(;

thumb_up thumb_down +17

"Hey dude, wanna come with me??" "Sure! Where????" "To the grocery store, I need to buy a couple of lemons"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Alpine Ibexes climb nearly 90 degree angles to lick salt deposits off mountain sides. They crave that mineral.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock, knock. Who's there? Orange. Don't be ridiculous. Oranges can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why do cows have bad hand writing? because they don't have thumbs

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red, violets are violet. I'm not stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

How do you make someone stop talking? Shove a rock down their throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Zach Murfitt has a small Willy!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the plane crash? The Pilot Wash a Loaf of Bread

thumb_up thumb_down -9

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scott land on an island. They were on vacation and returned to the UK, which consists of two isles.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why was justin sad? his family was murdered

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Knock Knock! Who's there? Jim. Jim who? Jim your cousin. Kathy then let Jim inside her house and helped him carry the pizza boxes into the kitchen. Everyone had fun and enjoyed the party very much that night.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Where can I apply for janitor school?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Two fish we're in a tank.. Yup.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a dead cow? Dead Meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q. What goes 100 mph and is green? A. A frog in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you call a man with no arms or legs skiing? Skip.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a black person driving a plane? A pilot, because you dont want to call him anything racist i mean he is driving you up 25,000 ft in the air and the last thing you want is for him to get mad and decide to do something rational, God, you racists.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

24

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is the difference between the sky and the ocean? They're both blue.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is it about homosexuals that's so gay? What is it about heterosexuals that's so straight? What is it about an apple that's so gay?(Because it's a FRUIT right?) What is it about penises that's so straight?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Two aspies don't walk into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Whats worst than being raped by a black guy? Being raped by two black guys? You racist i'm calling the police.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops