how do you make a family tan? You burn them in the house.

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Why did the black man go through the window of the house? He left his keys inside

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Why did the lemming jump off a cliff? Because he was suicidal.

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Wilson: would you buy lottery when you grow up Mattuew: no theres no point Wilson: ask Xiangxi right next to you Mattuew: xiangxi, would you buy lottery if you grow up? Xiangxi: Prabably not, because the chance of winning a lottery is lower than becoming an astronaut Mattuew: the probability of you winning the lottery is higher than you finding a girlfriend

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What's yellow, long, hard, and moves up and down? A banana in an elevator...

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How do you make a dog drink? You put the dog in a blender

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road ? A. Because he had grown tired of living thus choosing to end his life.

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What is invisible and smells like carrots? The smell of Carrots. Pretty sure you can't see smells.

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What did the priest say to Jesus when he revealed himself on Christmas morning? Happy birthday

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Suicide Johnny and the Go Kill Yourselves

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Whats worse than having cancer? Nothing....

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A man walks into a bar. Because he's had a rough day, he asks the barender for a drink. Then another... Then another... (continued) The man walks out of the bar and goes to his car. He starts to drive back to his house. He wobbly makes turns and closes his eyes every 5 seconds or so. He also talks to his boss on his phone for the majority of the ride. Surprisingly enough, he makes it home safely and doesn't harm anyone else despite the large amount he had to drink. He stumbles into his apartment and goes up to his room. He slumps down onto his bed on his back very heavily, causing the room to shake a bit. He opens his eyes, only to find his glass shandelier falling from directly above his face. His body was found by his girlfriend the next morning. I guess there's no real moral to the story then... Maybe it's: You can drink and drive, but don't put a shandelier directly above your bed... I guess? Wow. What are the odds?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Peer pressure and drugs.

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Miškinis gerai prikolina.

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How do you get your little brother to stop kicking you? Stick his feet in the garbage disposal.

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What has two eyes, two arms and two legs........ a woman who lost her baby to a miscarrage.

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where is the world?

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what do trees and humans have in common? they both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

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What do you get when you cross Bambi and a ghost? Bamboo

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What's worse than eating poop for your whole life? Nothing really, you've got serious problems if you have another option...

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Why did tigger look in the toilet? Because he dropped his phone fell in.

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Q: How mature are you on a scale of 1 to 100? A: 69. :)

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wow, that guy is such a buzz-kill. worse than Buzz Killington!

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Why did Margret eat the banana? She was hungry.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops