If I have 10 apples and you have 45 oranges how many plates can we fit on the roof? Purple because monkeys don’t fly

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Your mom is so fat that when she dives into a pool she displaces a proportionately larger volume of water than people with less body mass.

thumb_up thumb_down +3,988

If god himself had a religion he would be a self centered bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Timmy had to use the restroom in class one day, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I use the restroom?" The teacher said, "I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said'," When I was using 'can', I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier for asking for permission, as opposed to expressing ability. I though since you were a teacher you would know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

roses are red, violets are blue, no one cares, your adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +373

How do you kill a blonde? Stab her repeatedly in the chest with a ball point pen

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats worse than shitting in a urinal??? shitting in a shower

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What is black and white and red all over? A half eaten zebra carcass.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between a car tyre and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear. The others a fucking great year!!! San2

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What's the difference between Hitler and Stalin? Nothing because pineapples aren't vegetables.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Your mom is so fat..., that she died of a heart attack at an early age and everyone mourned her greatl

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a trick question. Feminists can't change anything.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you get when you cross a Minotaur with a snowman? A cold mythological creature.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why didn't the boy go to the bathroom? His mother was taking a well deserved bath.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A horse walks into a bar. The impact fractures his skull immediately, knocking him unconscious. He then dies from the resulting brain damage.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

don't repeat this joke!don't repeat this joke!don't repeat this joke!don't repeat this joke!don't repeat this joke!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Larry stopped by today to drop of a package. The package was a bomb. So I gave the "gift" to my neighbor for her birthday. My Mom is my neighbor.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A gorilla walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of celery. The bartender stands speechless due to the ridiculousness of the given situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +172

i bought a sock i wore it i bought a fish i killed it i bought a human i ate it IM A CANNIBAL

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What did the bird say when he was riding the turtle? Weeee...

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Knock Knock I have a door bell It's broken Oh

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A kid goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor! it hurts when I do this!" The Doctor says, "Well, because you have been diagnosed with ALD, and to make matters worse you are allergic to rapeseed oil" The child then cries because he will never live past 40 years old

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 has AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

1 woman and 2 guys were on a roadtrip. Every single day they would go do the same things. First go to Denny's, then to the mall, then see a horror movie. One day the woman said, "I don't want to go see the horror movie, I'm scared enough!" So the guys agreed that they'd trick the woman into going to a horror movie before Denny's. They went, and the woman was scared out of her mind. She yelled at them both for 30 minutes and to this day never speaks to them.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops