What do Chuck Norris and Oprah Winfrey have in common? They are both white, male, good actors, white, rich, and white. Except for the eagle.

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Not from my wife if that is what you think, but its best people dont know who she is, because you know... A guy that gets many ladies = A playa. A girl that lets his guy do that, well, my wife feels safe about her husband (I am dead honest), but I cant expect people to suddenly go "oh yeah, his wife is totally cool and secure about it all, rather than an insecure idiot that allows him to sleep around like the dog he is) Strictly spoken, I am no dog, women say all men are pigs, but no woman settles for a boy, so that makes me a pig.

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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? A healthy, balanced diet consisting of all food groups, unless they are vegetarian or vegan, hence they will not consume any meats or animal products.

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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. Notice how Anti-Joke MISSPELLED "user", writing "uses" instead. Probably most of you didn't notice until I posted this :)

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What is funnier than shooting a man in the face? Most things, shooting a man in the face is a terrible crime.

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Why did little Lisa fall off the swings? She had no arms

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Q: Do you know what really makes me smile? A: Facial Muscles.

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Are you Drew?

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What's funny about a black person, a Jew, and a mexican's graves being side by side? Nothing.

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Your momma is so fat, she should be concerned about her increased risk if a heart attack because of her poor eating habits.

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What happens when you cross a Labrador and a Poodle. A species of dog that has been cross bred.

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Why did the girl get her hair cut off? Because she had cancer

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If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I suck at rhyming Refrigerator.

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What's black and makes me food? A microwave.

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Knock knock, Who's there? Banana Banana who? Banana Smith, I'm here for the Smith Family Reunion.

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Whats brown and sticky? A massive shit.

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What's worse than being held hostage? Waking up and finding dick your mouth

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Knock Knock Come In! Who me? Yeah. Ok.

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What do you call someone who can't move their arms or their legs A quadriplegic

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What's a Gingers favorite drink? Coke!

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Why did the head football coach go to the bank? Not to get his quarter back cause that'll cost him at least ten million a year.

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A woman asked a man in an elevator, "Did you fart?" The man honestly replied, "Yes. I didn't expect you to notice because it was the puffy kind."

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One of my nipples is a different colour from the other two. Is this normal? The Doctor replied with the answer no and said you have cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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