Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because She's Dead.

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What is the opposite of a joke ? Racism

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How Do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the door put the elephant in and close the door. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the door take the elephant out put the giraffe in and close the door. The lion king has a meeting with all the animals but one doesn't turn up, which one is it? The giraffe because it's still in the fridge.

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KNOCK! KNOCK! Who is it? Wood pecker. Wood pecker who? KNOCK! KNOCK!

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Boy: If you didn't have feet, would you wear socks? Girl: No. Boy: Then why do you wear a bra?

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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What was the cancer patients last wish? For the pain to go away...Yolo...-Avery Scott Vartanian

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was being chased by a wolf, who promptly ate the chicken when they arrived at the other side.

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whats worse than the holocaust? i don't know, the holocaust was pretty bad.

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Your mother is so fat that her BMI is larger than average.

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How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Tourette's, PENIS.

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Two families of pedophiles go to the beach. One of the dads lays down to suntan and looks at the other dad. "Hey! Get out of my son!" he exclaims.

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A horse walks into a bar The bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says nothing, because he's a horse The bartender soon relizes there is a horse in his bar, and calls animal control

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Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

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What would Steve Jobs be doing if he were alive today? Dying.

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Why did the kid trip over the rock? Because he was diagnosed with serious autism, and might die soon.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? The pilot. You racist.

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Neither Has He.

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Knock knock Whos there? A rapist. Go away I'm calling the police!! (The rapist then proceeds to break open the door, beat the woman repeatedly with a baseball bat, and then rapes her)

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What do the world and jelly beans have in common? Nothing.

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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother than explains to the daughter the logistics of sex. The daughter seems to comprehend and walk away leaving the mother to cook.

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How many women does it take to changed a light bulb? 12. 11 to form a committee and 1 to make her boyfriend do it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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