Ernie: "Hey Jim, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?" Jim then breaks down and cries deeply at Ernie's question as the fact that he was born without a tongue continues to slowly tear him apart.

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Four blondes are driving to Disneyland, as they finally got to Florida, they read a sign that said "Disneyland: left" so they turned around and headed home.

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Why don't they have any badminton courts in the jungle? There just isn't the demand.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Eating the worm

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There once was a man from Dundee, Whose Limericks ended on line three. I don't know why.

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What is black and likely to fail? A chain smokers lungs.

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Q: What did the nazi say to hitler? A: You like my Auschwitz?

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Knock knock Whos there? ... You got ding dong ditched

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What is funny? Your football official having a heart attack

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What do elephants and grapes have in common? They are both purple arpart from the elephant, which is grey. I lied about it being purple

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What's flaming and has wheels? A firepit. I lied about the wheels.

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What is it worse than a bee sting ? -Two bee stings What 's worse than two bee stings ? -The holocaust What's worse than the Holocaust ? -3 bee stings

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What'd the black woman say when she met her husband's white mistress? Hello, nice to meet you.

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There's a plane with 5000 bricks in it, one falls out. How many bricks are on the plane now? 4999 How do you get an elephant in the fridge? U open the fridge,put the elephant in and close the fridge. How do you get a deer in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out and close the fridge. A lion is trowing a party and the whole animal kingdom shows up, what animal isn't there? The deer cause he's still in the fridge. A little old lady is walking threw an alligator and snake invested swamp. *The snakes and alligators eat her (wrong answer) The brick falls on her head

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How many ADD kids dose it take to screw in a light bulb? one; the attention deficit disorder dose not take away the ability too screw in a light bulb.

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How many midgets does it take to change a light bulb? If you do the math, it's probably one.

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back distinctly better at the Trumpet.

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why did the little girl eat grapes? because she felt like it.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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Why was the man whistling? He was calling his friend.

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Why cant African children read? While there are many contributing factors the largest would probably be the lack of a standardized education system mainly due to the logistical factors involved in reaching so many wide spread communities. Also the current economic climate and general disregard for civilians by the governments in these area would suggest that the states' focus would be on other issues besides the welfare of their citizens, this is probably similar to other countries in similar situations such as middle eastern, eastern european, and latin and south america. Then again, not really being educated on this issue in almost any way, has probably contributed to a broad generalization, and so the premise of this joke is most likely flawed in any case.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It should only take one person to do this job regardless of hair color.

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You know what's a real drag? A club foot

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your mom is so old, she is often confused for your grandmother.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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