Why did the asian driver crash his car? Because he was driving while intoxicated.

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Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

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What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics? Not being retarded.

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Why do jews love money so much? Because money is very valuable and everyone loves it.

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Why did Helen Kelley's dog run away I'd run away to if my name was. Ughgughgughgiggughfufh.

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Why did the little boy throw his clock out of the window? After hours of searching for the snooze button to no avail, the little boy became so irritated at the incessant ringing of the alarm that he threw it out of his window in a fit of rage. The clock landed on an old woman who was walking twenty stories below. She was immediately killed on impact.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This doesn't rhyme F*ck it

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What do you call an armless legless man swimming? Dead

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff

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Have you heard the deaf guitarist? He's really good.

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What did the 3 month old puppy get for Valentines day? Heart Worms. What'd he get for Christmas? Put down.

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Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

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whats the capital of congo famine

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What do you call something with no legs? A Cripple.

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Moral: Sure, your number is the one that ends with 853 right? Do not reply if I am right. Moral2: BECAUSE TOP COMMENT... AND SERIOUSLY, THAT NUMBER BETTER END WITH 69 AFTER I CALL YOU! DO NOT REPLY

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Q: How do you make a baby cry? A: Throw a brick at it.

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Why did the kid have no arms? A clown came and chopped them off.

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How do you get a girls number? Grow some balls and ask for it.

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What did the doctor say to the patient? You have cancer.

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a mus lim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the mus lim has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the mus lim that he's keeping company with a swine, and the mus lim feels offense for the poor horse.

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What happened to the boy that got raped? He later died of depression

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What's green and red? A frog in a blender

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What did the asian do with his homework? finish it. as is expected from children his age.

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What do you call a black man with a wooden leg? A veteran.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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