Roses are red, violets are blue, I am white and I like cold food

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What happened to the lion which escaped from the zoo? It was successfully recaptured.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worst than your favorite football team losing the football? Giving birth to a stillborn child.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why are black people so fast? They probably practice.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Q: How does a robber get into your house? A: Through a door.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why are elephants gray? to tell them apart from blueberries.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A cowboy rides into town and stays the weekend but then leaves on Wednesday, how is this possible? He was alive for the weekend and died on Sunday, his body left on Wednesday. Now get a job and be happy with your life.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the penguin wearing a blue sweater say to the sink? I am a penguin wearing a blue sweater.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the middle age man walk across the street? There were no vehicles currently driving on that particular road

thumb_up thumb_down -26

you momas so fat, you momas so ugly Your mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late great Salvador Dali mistook them for cloth.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Billy Corgan: The world is a vampire! Me: No it's not. The world is a mass of mineral compounds that floats in space approximately 93,020,000 miles from the sun. It is not, in fact, a vampire.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What is the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A canoe tips.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

yo mamas so fat... she's a map on call of duty

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Q: What's the difference between a basket of tennis balls and a basket of dead baby heads? A: One is used for the sport of tennis the other is a basket of tennis balls!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you say if you see your TV floating in the middle of the night? I'm not sure, but I would probably have nightmares for a couple weeks.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I meant to state that I threatened to kill him unless he refused to state that I broke his knees (and broke his wrists, I forgot to mention that too, such misery... ...Give a real man a chance here, its not every day I have to kill my mother... But you still wont hear me whining about it, asked my wife if she forgave me if I spent the rest of the day smirking, after all my mother "had visions" where my wife was Satan, which is fun, since I was also Satan the day I was born... Because my name is Nero... A NAME SHE GAVE ME! Still, not very dignifying getting the shit beat out that old hag because she was on some blend of angel dust, and still not so fun killing her by biting half her neck off... ...Literally not so fun, kinda fun? You bet, tasted disgusting, watching her choke to death was...Lets just say I have shared enough joy with you for one day.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Your mama is so fat... she really should go on a diet.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A Mexican walks into an all white people bar. He then proceeds to buy rounds for everyone in the bar. Everyone thanks the mexican and everyone gets back to doing their own thing.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If life hands you melons you might be dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down +10

getting up in the morning is the 3nd hardest thing :DDD

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I hope your not allergic to bees Because your about to be attacked by a live tiger.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the women leave the kitchen? Because the The husband told her to...

thumb_up thumb_down +19

oh hiya come in

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops