If you dumb fooks keep swearing we are going to get banned.

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Whats green and red, in a ditch, and has cookie crumbs all over it. The girl scout i ran over with my car.

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Why didn't the woman make sandwiches? She was making baguettes.

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy had cancer.

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Did you fall on your head when you were a baby Oh, I very sorry.

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Why was Eight in court? He was involved in Nine's horrifying disappearance.

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A man walked into a bar with his friend. He drinks a certain amount of beers, and has his friend safely drive him home.

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Whats green, and says i'm a frog? A talking frog.

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What did Obama get at the bar? A shot... In the head.

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How do you tell if a kitten is alive? Throw it at the wall.

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Why was Michael Jackson seen shopping at Kmart? Because he heard little boys pants were 50% off the original price.

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If a tree falls in the forest does a woman hear it? Probably, but the real question is why is there a tree in the kitchen?

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Knock knock. Who's there? Schizophrenia.

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uhyuyuyhyuuuhuyuhh rice crispies

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A man walks into a bar He drinks the night away with his friends *Plot Twist* It was a dream He has no friends.

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Two Mexicans were sitting in the back of a car. They were carpooling to save gas.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Q. Whats brown and sticky? A. Poo

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Why did the man go to space? He was a highly trained astronaut

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Why isn't Neil Patrick Harris like Barney Stinson in real life? Because he's gay

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by a bus

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Listen, I do not really care anymore, I admit it, I dont mind screwing with people, but if your name is Tifa, my name is lets see... Solid Snake, yeah, but call me big boss. Listen, be honest with me, if you do not trust me, just do not give me a random name, Tifa as in Tifa Lockheart? Final Fantasy? Wake up, girl/guy, you are losing your touch at this.

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Why was the boy crying last night? - a clown raped him

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Why did the airplane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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