How can you tell if a dog is under your chair? Look under your chair

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what did one barstool say to the other what theres a butt on me

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How do you know you're crazy? Consult the pink pheasent to your left

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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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How do you get 100 midgets into a Mini? You have to manufacture a Mini large enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 100 midgets into a Mini is solved

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzie

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What did the mom say to her daughter? I love you.

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What's red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket. What's blue and looks like a bucket? A red bucket in disguise.

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What do you call an black man on the moon. An astronaut you racist bastard

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I got 99 problems... and an indeterminate number of them are bitches.

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Why did the man die? Supercalifragilisticexpialidosious

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What did the drunk man say to the average civilian? Blahaahahahahahuhuh!

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Scenario: 2 people are in a desert. There is only 1 bottle of water left to drink. Who drinks it? Neither of them, they drink the gallon bottle of gatorade instead.

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How do you get four gay guys to sit on a stool? Ask them kindly to do so. Their sexual orientation is of little to no importance in this situation.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Stand a little taller Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone What doesn't kill you is a bad attempt on your life.

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What did the newborn get on it's birthday? A life

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A Frenchman an Italian and an American were setting in a bar drinking and talking. The Frenchman said he made love to his wife five times last night. She said if I died she would never get married again. The Italian said said he made love to his wife ten times last night and that she said if he ever died she would kill her self. They asked the American how many times he made love to his wife last night. He said I'm a widower. She died in the 9/11 attacks.

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What is hotter than two girls making out? The Sun.

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A bear walks into a bar, and says "I would like a pint of..........beer." The bar tender asked "why the long pause?" The bear replies "I think I just had a stroke."

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a guy gets knocked out and wakes up in a alley all bloody and a knife next to him!!!

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Why is yellow afraid of 7? Impossible. Colors have no sense of fear.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I hate sex Especially with you

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Deteriorate

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"We all miss somebody a lot every now and then, its only human! But never give up, just keep reloading and firing until you hit that somebody!" Moral: Moral, answer me, MORAL MOOOOORAAAAAAAAL! DUN DU DURUN, DUN DUN DUN! *gunshot* (The moral section just because I love them red thumbs ^^)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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