What is worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings.

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There are two types of people in this world: Those who can finish lists. and

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What does a hooker eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Food.

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Why is the boy sad? He was getting bullied so he later on talked to a teacher and the bully and him settled their differences. The bullied boy still wishes the bully to go to hell.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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What did the crippled Nazi say to the Jew? Get in the train.

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What do you get if you cross a centipede with a millipede? I don't know but it sure has a lot of legs

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A man opens his refrigerator and takes out a can of soda. He returns back to his living area and continues watching television.

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why did the Japanese boy drop his ice cream ? Because he was hit by a building.

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Once upon a time there was man named Bob. He liked bacon. So he ate some. And he like it. So he got some more and ate it. Then he went an played THE GAME.

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why did everyone laugh at the kid in the wheel chair as he entered the room? he was poor

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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What's black, white, and red all over? The flag of the Arapaho Nation.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, if i gave a rats ass, I'd worry about you.

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what did the man with no arm get for Christmas? A rowboat

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What do you call a midget driving a train? A conductor

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If you spell "ChuckNorris" in scrabble, you get 22 points.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Hoo. Who Hoo? You're a barn owl!

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What's the square root of 69? 8.306623862918075

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A Vietnam war veteran accidentally goes to a Vietnamese concert and says, "I could take a lot of them down with me."

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"George? I wanna tend da wabbits, George" - Lennie Smalls

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What's the difference between 4 and 6? 2.

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A man... walks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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