What does the funeral director say at a jewish funeral? Ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

-Ask me if i'm a crab. -Are you a crab? -No, why would i be a crab?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

thre guys walk into a bar then goes to sit at a booth and the three guys have to go to the bathroom so they ask a waiter to safe they booth while they go to the bathroom 30 min later and they are still not back so the waiter goes by the door and one guy come out and the waiter asks " what were you doing" and the guy says " blowing bubbles " then goes and sit down " then the second guy come out and the waiter asks " what were you doing " and the guy says " blowing bubbles" and goes and sits down then the last guy come out and the waiter says " let me guess blowing bubble " the guy says back "no i am bubbles "

thumb_up thumb_down -11

so three men walk into a bar and one is a priest.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the chicken fall off the tree? It was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why are spanish people good at soccer? Hard work and a long-life time comitment

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What happens when you throw a yellow rock into a purple river? it makes a splash

thumb_up thumb_down -14

There once was a man from Nantucket. He had a huge appendage; his arm has been swollen from birth. What a bummer

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Writing is hard Poems are strong I am muslim And this is a bomb.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What does Osama Bin Laden and the typical Western man have in common? Extensively modern ppoorrnnoo-graphic collections.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the dog say to the other dog? Your breath smells like onions.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? There are many circumstances that could affect the outcome of the situation. One of them is whether or not the given people have or will soon obtain a ladder. In this case, the lightbulb could take more time than needed to be screwed in and effectively changed. Another key factor in the situation is the number of people. If there are enough people to reach the ceiling without a ladder, the lightbulb could be screwed in sooner or later than asked by the owner of the facility in which the lightbulb socket is installed. Finally, the height of the persons given is a crucial point in this situation. The people may be tall, thus allowing there to be fewer people needed. The people could be short and need a greater number of people than if the people were, perhaps, a bit taller. All in all, I'd say about 1-2.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Roses are black Violets are black Oh fuck I'm blind!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's worse than breastfeeding a wolverine? Force-breastfeeding a wolverine.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

how do you know when you've had too much to drink? . . . when you're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None they would just beat the room for being black.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +5,154

What's better than being rich? Not living in Kenya.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

wanna here a dirty joke? Suree A white horse fell in a mud puddle dum dumdum dum duuuuuuummmm

thumb_up thumb_down +29

38 studio's new game... Finance City

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Two Mexicans walk into a police station... they don't come out!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

what did the boy with no arms get for easter? a cane.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I'm a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops