A mosquito flies into a bar and orders a bloody mary, the bartender then takes out a swatter and kills the pest. Noticing the event, the patrons cheer and continued drinking their frothy beverage. Minutes later, the phone rings and the bartender answers the phone. "Hello?" "Hi, I'm looking for a friend of mine, is he there?" "Let me check, by the way, what's his name?" "Jack Hoff" "One sec. HEY FELLAS(yelling over the noisy bar), IS THERE A JACK HOFF HERE? I NEED A JACK HOFF! ANYONE?" Mr. Hoff, sitting at the bar hears this and asks, "who is it?" "He said he's a friend of yours!" "Which one?" " He said his name's Dick Stroker and he needs help on something hardhe'll meet you around back." "Oh ok, thanks."

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did old Mary fall off the cliff? There were no brakes on her wheelchair

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q: why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Justin Bieber is so gay he dates girls

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Me: Wanna play a game of red light and as I get closer to you, you get to call red light?? girl: Yea! okay, go! girl: green light!! Me: Sorry, firetrucks don't stop for red lights

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: What do you call a Deer with no eyes? A: No ideer. Q; What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? A: Still no ideer.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Person 1: What's 2+2? Person 2: 4 Person 1: Oh, you already heard that one.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

*see an orphan* Knock knock Whos there Not you parents ...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

a person smokes weed... and gets high

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you get a cat out of a tree? Throw a jar of foreskin at it.

thumb_up thumb_down

What eats grass and goes MMMMOOOOOOO? A weird person that likes to eat grass and MMMMOOOOOOO

thumb_up thumb_down -14

There are four worms walking in a straight line. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The fourth worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a shovel? I don't have a sack of dead babies in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why do black people eat fried chicken? Because they're humans and many humans enjoy the savory taste of fried chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

What did the little boy find when he came home from school? His mother hanging from a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

The girl was really drunk and passed out. She woke up the next day with a hangover.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

One day 2 people were gonna fight after school and the final bell wrung then they started the mtch and the challenger says, "Hey whats the one thing that you say when you don't want to fight and ypu let the other person win?" The other guy says, "I give up?" Then the challenger says, " I WIN!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Jameson: hey peter peter parker: what Jameson: do you know what my favorite kind of beans are Peter: no Jameson: van de camps

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Try this on your friends and make them look dumb So a plane crashes on the border between the USA and Canada. Where do you bury the survivors? You don't bury the survivors.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How did Jesus walk on water? Jesus is God in the form of a man, and he is the only human being ever with the ability to perform miracles

thumb_up thumb_down -18

live or die you decide to late time to die

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Knock Knock! The man inside chooses not to answer the door and the caller walks away.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops