Roses are red, Violets are Violets. Screw this poem. Potato.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A rabbi walks into a bar, in traditional Jewish garb. The bartender takes one look at him and says "Sorry, you'll have to leave". The Jewish gentleman says "Why, don't you serve Jews in here?". The bartender replies "Of course we do, but we just found asbestos in the walls and we're closing for remodeling." The rabbi politely apologizes for making misplaced assumptions about the bartender's place of business.

thumb_up thumb_down +903

Why did the Squirrel swim across the river upside down? To keep its nuts dry.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Yo momma so fat she went on the Subway diet and is now exercising regularly to lose weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,175

What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls? You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were driving on a highway. The redhead asked the brunette, who had the map, which was the next exit. The blonde was better with maps so she took it and announced where to go. They made the exit and enjoyed a nice lunch.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What would you do for a Klondike bar? I'd probably pay in cash.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q. What did the monkey say to his little brother? A. Nothing. Monkeys are physically incapable of speaking, therefore it is impossible for them to communicate using the human language.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got ran over.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

a dyslexic man walked into a bar, ordered a beer, and no one was aware of his affliction

thumb_up thumb_down +2,434

A kid walks into a bar. He leaves wasted.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What has four legs in the morning, three at noon, and two in the evening? A baby with leprosy.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How many Jews did Hitler kill during the Holocaust? Too many.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Yo momma is So Fat? And isn't your cousin Chow Yun Fat? I think I know some of the Fat family. How are they all doing?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Whats the most impotent thing to remember when your going skateboarding? A skateboard.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Axel? Its Eliza, is that you? You alive again? I don't want to be no successor of anything, but thanks I guess. Neo-Nero has not shown up since you returned, I think he isn't very proud of himself and wont be a problem here on forward. He did push me aside, but now that you are alive, I wont even consider the thought of you "dying again" and unless you are dying or seriously ill, I don't want to hear anything about it. Seriously, how bad are you doing? Physically I mean? I am relieved, I mean we all thought you where dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Do I know any jokes about sodium hypobromite? As a matter of fact, I do. It goes: "Do I know any jokes about sodium hypobromite? NaBrO."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Yo momma so fat, people snicker as they walk past her, quietly laughing at a women obviously struggling with obesity. They then proceed to stop laughing, as they realize that their mother died from diabetes. They then proceed to move on with their day.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen property that you should return immediately because the consequences of shop-lifting can prevent you from getting a good job and might land you in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What should you do if you come across a slut with a fork up her @ss and a gun in her hand? Do not look at her and walk away.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How come grilled cheese?

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock Knock. Who's there? Me. You who? Me.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why was the black man good at basketball? Because he practiced.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

How to you kill a pizza guy? Shoot him in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops