If I had a nickel for every time I heard that... I'd most likely have no money as I would spend it all on cocaine.

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Yo momma's so short, it's probably because she's in a wheelchair.

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Hi my name is Bob

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Q-How do you kill an elephant? A- An elephant gun Q- How do you kill a blue elephant? A- A blue elephant gun Q- How do you kill a red elephant? A- Strangle it until it turns blue then use a blue elephant gune Q- How do you kill a purple elephant?

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Your ancestors called. They want their glasses back!

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- Bob, what's interesting to see in NYC ? - Yes, exactly

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what's red and blue? your heart

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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man1:did you know hellen keller had a dog? man2: no man1: neither did she

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Does Fall come before winter? There is no defiant answer due to the fact that all seasons are in a cycle and our race has no answer to which season happened first on Earth.

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roses are red violets are blue i have Alzheimers but at least i do not have Alzheimers

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How do you help someone stop drowning You take your foot off the back their head.

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Yo mama's so old, she might die soon

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whats awesome? a blade of grass with a mexican hat and a revolver.

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When life gives you lemons.... Impossible life is not a person nor a dispenser of lemons.

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anti joke What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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How did mary and molly have sex it is impossible for two women to perform sex

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What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

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your mom is so fat she is at high risk of a future heart attack and should be taken to a cardiologist

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If you walked into a grocery store right in the middle of Cuba what won't you see? The missing Malaysian MH370 Boeing.

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A blind man walks into a bar. Nobody is surprised.

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When life gives you lemons you can't make lemonade! Life is not a person, place, or thing that is able to physically hand you something! But, you can go to your local grocery store and buy some lemons.

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? Using teamwork and coordination, each can place one foot on the seat of the stool, and using each other for balance and support, they can all stand on the stool. The fact that they are gay is irrelevant.

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What happened to the alligator who waled into a bar? He was killed and skinned by swamp hunters in Louisiana.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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