- Anti Joke

How do you make a frog stand still? Shoot it.

Why was little Jessica missing?? She was stuck in the freezer.

What do you call a watermelon in Africa? A watermelon.

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A jew is a person contending to the faith of Judaism, and a pizza is an Italian flat normally round or square baked good consisting of dough, tomato sauce, cheese and various spices, and is sometimes enjoyed with toppings such as meat or vegetables.

how many babies does it take to paint a house? that is child labor, which is illegal in many countries.

how do you get a happy man to stop smiling? hit him in the face repeatedly untill he is dead.

Why didn't Joey play with the other kids on the playground? Answer: He was dead

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Tourette's, PENIS.

Why are anti jokes so funny? Because their not.

What do you get when you hit a deer? A dead deer, which you should probably take home to eat - wouldn't want it to go to waste.

Why did the car stop? It ran out of gas.

Nothing if you heard a loud sound or something that was me dropping the phone, by accident, its busted, I will call you when and if all of your "facts" turn out to be true, Hey, had no idea my doppelganger would be so down to earth by the way, so I am sleepy, what about you?

Your mom is so fat she's overweight

Hey its Nero7 (seriously I can go back to Nero now that all other six have been murdered) I can help myself from laughing, not because your "pimp daddy" is crying like a bitch here (I can punch his skull in with a certain arm again if you want), but because I think it was about time you told him how it is.... Okay, and because (sorry babe I dont mean you no harm) "pimp daddy" is so fitting that its funny, but hey, I fucked up by trying to get him to know you again, I might just redeem myself not by breaking no concrete with his skull, but rather by breaking his skull with concrete. Listen, you better stop using your real name (leave that to a crazy fuck like me, nobody believes its even on my birth certificate anyway (crazy ass parents these days huh?) It will all be okay, the other "Nero`s" went down the way they always wanted to, fighting for whats right, fighting for the good of their people... ...Still feel like shit, my head is not clear yet, but I have a backup plan for all my backup plans ;), I was hoping things could always be resolved peacefully, but you might have heard me talk or type about "my shadows" or "The shadows of Nero right?" Lets just say that I more than once met that fuck which walks around the hidden cameras once in a while, and that if he is the leader, he is indeed the leader of a group of spetznas that went rogue... ...Guess its time I told you, these "shadows" are a bunch of spies and assassins I trained after getting trained by a couple of our members that work for a certain... "Federal Bureau Illegal" You are right about me wanting to do the right thing, but if you had believed it was about talking about how to achieve peace and love all the time, I will have to disappoint you... As much as I once hoped that was possible today these guys are trained and proven spies and assassins, and I well, not anymore, too old, but this is worth a shot. A couple days, give or take, and ill be fine, Ill need you to decipher this message (yeah thats why it is unnecessary long sugar bear on for me) Tell my boys that "The Mr.Black needs his shadows" And give them the coordinates, and for fucks sake, do not tell them anything else, or else they will most likely come for their caller instead. If they have any questions they will call you back, its that simple... A lot of good came out of this you know, maybe this dream will soon become my vision for those that seek out the darkness again, because at this point, I bet that at least some people, will at least try respect The Last Nero again... (Let us never use that name again) Hey, ill make sure I have a backup after this backup, and I will "call you here" yeah those numbers after the phone number embedded in this message, is the day and time (AM) ill contact you again, and if things dont work out... Ill finally get to use my lighter, and lit this stick of cigar I have been keeping around for years, and have one last smoke in a boom of glory. Hey, speaking of bull, I lied to you back then, I am not 45 or whatever I said, I am 35, I just did not want you to think you where being raised by a kid back then, and in case you wonder why I never brought you back to your mom, its because I spoke with her and she was never really against the idea of your dad making a bit of coke money as long as he shared... Need to lie down for a bit, lost my contacts, so I am back to using these dorky glasses, when my Shadows call you back, please tell them to send Mr.Black some contact lenses, or a couple of field glasses, ill need them. Love ya girl, please call my wife and tell her that I love her, and that ill do my best to make it back... Sigh, for dinner or something... Just let her know again if you never hear from us again eh? Ps: If you want me to kill your father (he has lived a good life, and I made sure he lived one too good for an asshole) then send me the secret code "yes kill my "pimp" daddy. Please reply, and then its time you go to bed... Says the guy that just admitted he is four years older than you... Sorry for that...

What's the difference between Chuck Norris and broccoli? A lot.

Q: What's the difference between lucky charms and a baby? A: One is magically delicious and the other is a breakfast serial.

What did the murderer get for Christmas? Executed.

What did the gay kid in high school say? I'm straight.

Sorry not thinking here, of course I will arrive sooner, give me 20 minutes or so (got to scout the area, you never know) As for coding, there is no hidden meaning so yeah... That is probably some "Neronist" coding format I never knew of I am using so well. Cant drive like this, so I will use a cab and wait for you at the back seat or something, I will let the Taxi cab honk the numbers of code here so you can come out knowing its safe. I sincerely thought you where at the home, according to our coordinates you are... Dont tell me that bastard built some basement over there, wow! I really miss him now, if nothing else because I would have liked a wine cellar made in less than... Sorry, ill be there asap, 20 minutes or less, nah, believe me, "fancy" is the least of things I want, and I wont be changing my mind anytime soon. See ya. I am sincerely surprised you even remember me, then again I look a lot like your crush. Abel (in case you where wondering, this is not my name either, but you get the picture by now)

knock knock who's there? roses are red, violets are blue, i shit in a bag and now its in flames on your porch

Ha-Ha! Well now, we call this the act of mating But there are several other very important differences Between human beings and animals that you should know about I'd appreciate your input Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time Do it now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory" So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B-5 you sunk my battleship Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files" Do it now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now

what did the chinese guy say to the black guy? hello

Roses are red, VIolets are blue, Tulips are white, Sunflowers are yellow

How many dead babies would it take to plug the Fukushima Dai-Ichi nuclear power plant? None -- they are using thousands of litres of liquid glass coagulant instead.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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