A: "How much rope does it take to hang a baby?" B: "I don't know, how much?" A: "The guy at Home Depot didn't know either."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the man sitting down? He was recently paralyzed in a car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

what do you get a man with no arms or legs for his birthday? a quick, painless death.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

I once did something.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Ask me if I'm a human! - Are you a human? No. The correct term would be a human being.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Q:What do you call a dog with no legs? A:It doesnt matter he's not gonna come

thumb_up thumb_down +31

is mayonnaise an instrument?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

knock knock who's there police

thumb_up thumb_down +9

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? -Allergies.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I'm gay.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Never go into your parents room with a blacklight.. -Ryan Vallee

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's big, black, wide, long, and has white lines all over it? A new highway road.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's green and has wheels? The farmer's tractor.

thumb_up thumb_down

so i walk into a bar the bartender says what do you want i say a beer please he then goes one dear coming up soi thought tomy self should i tell him what i really said so i let him get the dear but for some reason he came out with tears i asked whats a matter he said you let me go to kill a dear

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is the difference between a Ferrari and 1,000 dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

So this guy walks into the doctor's and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this." The doctor says "Yes, you've shattered both your kneecaps. You'll never walk again."

thumb_up thumb_down +4,714

Have you seen stevie wonders new piano? No Well it's really nice

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q. What's cold and has no feelings? A. A pole

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a handyman with no arms? By his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

One day, 2 people were gonna fight after school and then the final bell rung. The fight began and the challenger says, "Hey whats the one thing you say when you don't want to fight anymore and you let the other person win?" The other guy says to the challanger, "I give up?" Then the challenger yells. "I WIN!"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

"What's black when clean, but white when dirty?" "A blackboard."

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin turned to the other and said, "Boy, its getting hot in here." The other muffin said, "WE ARE GOING TO DIE IN HERE AND NO ONE WILL HERE US SCREAM."

thumb_up thumb_down -46

how many Ethiopians can you fit in a bathtub? all of them.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops