Why did the elephant cross the road? The chicken was on vacation.

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Simon: Knock Knock Alfredo: Who's there? Simon: Wire Alfredo: Wire Who SImon? Simon: Wire are you asking me this!!!!

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? An anachronistic hypothetical sporting event that would never happen.

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So a little girl walks into a bar.. and gets kicked out for being underaged.

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What do you get when ned puts toast in the toaster? A fucking massive sperm whale.

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What did a child without arms and legs get for Christmas present. Cancer.

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You read the Terms of Service.

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What did the boy with cancer get for christmas? -A haircut

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What do you call a cat with no tail? A Manx cat

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An amputee walks into a bar with a big smile on his face and sits down. The bartender looks over at him and asks "So why are you so happy?" The amputee doesn't answer because he has been completely deaf, blind and mute since birth.

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If life gives you AIDs, make lemonaids.

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What did the deaf person say to the comedian? ... ... ... ... I'm sorry, did you say something?

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How many dead rats can you put in your ex-girlfriend's bed? 437.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He had no conscience and therefore was not able to backup the very reason that he crossed the road.

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Why was the baby upset? Because it accidentally killed its twin brother by pushing it off the bed.

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Why did to plane crash because the pilot was a tomato

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What's the difference between a black man and a bicycle? ( I don't know. ) You're so racist.

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a guy walks into a bar.. ouch

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What's worse than finding a bug in your soup? The Holocaust

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch? About 3:26 PM Eastern Standard Time.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a black person? Black people are good at running.

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How do you know an elephant has gotten into your refrigerator? The refrigerator is lying on its side and the door is ripped off. The food is all over the place and the shelves are scattered around the floor. Your house will have suffered severe structural damage that insurance plan might not cover. Also there is a mortified elephant in you kitchen.

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What did the crazy asian man say just before he died? He didn't say anything- he was in an 18 month long coma due to a brain stem stroke. He left behind a wife, a 3 year old daughter and a newborn son.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops