Why couldn't the teenager go to the pirate movie? He didn't have any money.

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What do you call a one eyed hippo? A do-you-think-he-potamus

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Why couldn't the pirate play poker? Poker is a tricky game - maybe he'd never been taught how to play.

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i am a duck. are you a duck. yes i am a duck.

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A horse walks into a bar. It doesn't order anything or say anything because it is a horse. It proceeds to walk around and knock over a few tables before finding the door.

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Okay lord and master, now get lost, I am trough with you, I have other things to get done, XD My nose is so itchy XD

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Did I invite you to my birthday party? No. Then why are you at my birthday party?

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What do Ed Milliband and David Milliband have in common? They are brothers.

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What do you call a homosexual with no legs or arms. Jerry

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Listen I know you're a cat and I'm a cat but I know we can be friends

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What do Elephants never forget? 9/11

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What do you call a man with no arms an no legs in the ocean? Bob What do you call the same man on your front porch? Matt What do you call the same man on your wall? Art

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Why did the Spice Girls stop performing? They mutually agreed to stop performing.

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What's worse than genital warts? Herpes. You can get rid of warts

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Why did the chicken go cluck cluck oh baby yeah balloon your mama oops did kangaroo say? I had sex with your wife and stole your car keys.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Why was the teacher having sex with her pupils? Because it was 2145 and that kind of shit is common then

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Technically rainbows are white.....and have gold at the end.

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Where did the homeless man sleep? A rather nice hotel with fluffy pilloes

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Little Timmy enjoyed school He went to Sandy Hooks

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Knock knock. Who's there? Auntie.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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