Why did the chicken cross the road? To go home and beat his wife

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why didn't the chicken cross the road... because it got hit by a truck

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

why did the girl fall off the swing ? because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What is worse than a papercut? Losing your legs in Vietnam.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

knock knock come in

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Or something... Volume one. What do you do if you are in the jungle and get confronted by one jaguar to your left, and one tiger at the right and got only one bullet left in your gun? You shoot the Jaguar and drive home in the tiger.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why was Timmy crying? because his impaled his dog while in a drunken rage

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what do santa clause and a blueberry have in common they both have beards....except the blueberry

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Wanna know how to confuse a black guy? Give him a friend chicken sandwich with mayo on it.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. I don't stalk him on normal days because that is both weird and illegal, thus I cannot come to a conclusion to what he does on opposite day. However, since he is lonely, I hypothesize that he must do something social, since the opposite on that is lonely.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Your moms so dumb she stuffed a battery up her butt and said i got the POWA!

thumb_up thumb_down +38

what do you get when you cross a dinosaur and a spaceship? a dinosaur spaceship

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was jimmy crying? He had a frog stapled to his face

thumb_up thumb_down +36

My friend may look like a circle but..... ......He's actually a square.......

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it's drivers license had been revoked for all of it's DWI's.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's 100 times worse that finding an worm in your Apple listening to Justin B. Sing! :-)

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What does Chuck Norris do when he breaks his legs? he calls a doctor.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a man without any money? Broke.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

why did the plane crash because the pilot was a tomato

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you call a disease caused by an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Libraries.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Hey guess what an antijoke is. What? a joke Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why is john unable to ride a bike? because john is a rock

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops