What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? Nothing. Nothing happens when you insert batteries backwards

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a grasshopper walks into a bar the bartender says hey we have a drink named after you the grasshopper says what dave?

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What did the girl say when she arrived at the party? "I like what you did with the furniture!"

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Roses are red, violets are blue! Damn, the florist messed up the colors again!

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Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

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What do you call an arab flying a plane? A pliot

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What do you call a muslim? A terrorist

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What did the 3 month old puppy get for Valentines day? Heart Worms. What'd he get for Christmas? Put down.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What did the Atheist say in church? His best friend's eulogy.

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Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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What do you call a black man driving a expensive sports car? A respectable member of society

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ding dong thats right no knock on door anymore

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You want some cake? Sure! Okay, go buy the ingridients and bake me some. YAY!

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrarri? A dead baby is a non-living human, while a Ferrarri is a brand of car.

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What did the deer say to the hunter? Deers are animals, they haven't yet evolved enough to talk..

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Why did the kids stop playing tag? Because the boy was "it" was kidnapped and never seen again

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How many Jews can you fit into a car? Well, it depends on how many Jews there are and what kind of car it is.

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What do you call a child with a peg leg, and eye patch, and no hand? Names

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was involved in a homicide at the Children's Hospital resulting in death row right away and the killing of 12 other numbers

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

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So a man and his wife were in a horrible car accident. The man died, so why isn't the wife mourning his death? Because she is also dead. But, do you know who did mourn and cry over this horrible tragedy? Their children, other family members, and friends.

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What's the difference between a black man and a park seat? A park seat can support a family

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every knight i see an owl at window

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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