i like men but im not gay

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Three blind mice go into a pub, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

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What did the guy who killed Osama Bin Laden say? Burn!

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A man walked into a bar. He got a concussion and couldn't see strait for days.

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What's worse than eating half a worm? Eating somebody's brain.

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A Jew, a Mormon, and an Atheist walk out of a bar. They all get in a car with the Jew driving. They were all deceased do to the fact of a very large car accident. Know your limits. Don't drink and drive!

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What did the dog say to the mailman? nothing, dogs lack the mental capacity for human speech therefore he was unable to communicate his message verbally

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How could you ever watch a man hit another man and say nothing? UFC is on at 9:00pm.

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What did Stephen Hawking say to a prostitute? Push me, and then just touch me, Till I can get my, Satisfaction.

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roses are red carnations are white dont go to bed or ill f**k your friend dwite

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What did the brick say to the face? Nothing bricks don't talk.

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What has eight legs and one eye? Two chairs and half a pigs face.

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a black man and a squirrel get hit on two different roads what's the difference? well for starters theyre two different species. a squirrel is much smaller than a human and has his own mark on society. the man will be missed dearly by his family and if the impact with the car wasnt bad, he may have a chance to make it out alive at the hospital. the squirrel however is not so lucky. it will be left to die on the street or would have died on impact already with sadly no squirrel hospital to tend to it.

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What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's favorite lollipop? Choppa Chups.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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How many cows does it take to put in a lightbulb? Well, you see, it depends how many cows it takes to put in a lightbulb.

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Knock knock Who's there? Police Police who? You're under arrest, open up or we'll knock your door down

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what did one elephant say to the other one? nothing silly elepehants dont talk

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My wife came up to me and said, "I want you to make me scream with 2 fingers!" So I poked her in the eyes!

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Beans, beans good for the heart, the more you eat the more likely you are to grow into a healthy young man/woman with low risk of heart disease.

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FUCK THE CHRISTIANS

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*prepares this to get negative votes*

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Whats the difference between the Pope and acne Acne doesn't get onto a kids face until they're 13

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What did Kony say to the children right before he took them Come with me you f******* n*****

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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