Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your parents are dead, and so will you.

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Q: how many oxen does it take to row up the empire state building in half of a green canoe under the purple sun while eating a dead moose with no arms? A: Purple, because snakes have no elbows.

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What's a ghost favourite colour? Ghosts don't exist.

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Whats worse than burning jews? jews that are alive

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What happened when you heard this joke? You didn't laugh.

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The President, a terrorist, a student, and a genius were on a crashing plane. They all died.

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What happened when the Arabic man went through airport security? He was racially profiled and stopped, delaying not only him but the line of people behind him.

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My friend told me to jump right off a cliff That's impossible since this cliff goes left...

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There were 3 men on a rough each granted one wish to make. The first guy sees a bird and runs and jumps off the ledge and wishes to be a bird and he flies away. The second guy sees a butterfly so he too runs and jumps off the ledge and wishes to be a butterfly and flies away. The third guy telling himself those were all stupid wishes, makes up his mind what he is going to wish for so he runs to the ledge and just after he says "I wish to be" he trips on the ledge and says, "shit!" So his wish was granted and shit he became. The End.

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Wat do u call a priests shit Holy shit

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A chemist and his buddy walk into a bar. The chemist, trying to sound smart, says, "I would like a glass of H20." The buddy, being a normal person who actually cares if he looks like an idiot, asks for plain water.

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Doctor, Doctor, I feel like there's two of me! There's not. Your long lost twin died of terminal cancer.

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I don't have ADHD I just- Hey look a squirrel!

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What do you call 100 dead babies in my garage? Murder.

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Why did the waiter put rubber bands in the soup? Because he wasn't a very good waiter.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?" the horse then says nothing because horses cannot talk, only humans can talk.

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At least now we know, that most people are not like that, and with that sentence, my desire to see humanity as a whole happy, is dead. Thank you, you have made me realize that for each and every thing positive I have found within myself, I believed that I was simply learning more about how to be an average human being. I admire you, yet as painful it feels not to deny the truth, much of what I admire within you, reminds me of my self. Share that money with me, but as a gift, not as a contract, as a friend, not as someone buying me out, because my values might not be much, but for now, its what remains of the world I sought to create. Let us speak some other time, It was nice meeting you again Red, you always dig your way into my core, where I discover that I am stuck in life because I still sad deep inside, and then you take some of that sadness away.

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Why did the motorcyclist die? I heard he was sat on by Chuck Norris.

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Iceland is actually green and Greenland is actually icy and Germany started the Holocaust.

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what's the difference between you and a yack one is a spitting idiot and the other one is a camel

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Why's it so bad to be black and Jewish? You have to sit in the back of the oven.

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What's big, red and eats rocks? A big, red Rock-Eater

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What is brown and sounds like a pickle? Poop

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Warning: Legit Joke Below What is the difference between an elevator and a Mexican? Only one can raise a child.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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