I hate it when I get an erection and it pushes Pluto out of orbit.

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Why did the baby stop crying? I hit him with a brick.

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learn. advance!

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No Oh... well he hasn't either

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What is a ghost's favorite appetizer? Ghosts aren't real.

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yo mama's so fat, she wears a big belt

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How do you get someone to come out of the closet? Unlock it

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How come Helen Keller couldn't drive? Because cars were not invented back then.

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Q: What did the pony say when it had a sore throat? A: "I have throat cancer and only have six weeks to live."

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

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whats black and yellow a chinese with a bruise

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why did the poet kill the blackchicken? as a source of inspiration for his poultry

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Nicole Ritchie walks into a grocery store.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a homicidal maniac.

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Q: Why didn't the Government help the poor little boy? A: Because he was taking a test and that would be cheating.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he won't come.

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What do you call a schizophrenic Clown surrounded by 10,000 Amish gangsters, all armed with dildos? I don't know, but it would be a heck of a sight, wouldn't it?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? after approximately 10 seconds of looking back and forth left to right the chicken finally came to a realization that the road is clear and safe to cross.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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What worse than finding crap on the road? Tripping over and landing on it.

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What did the politician say to the bank robber? "Were both robbers"

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stephen hawking walks into a bar...

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What is Wonder Woman's drug of choice? Heroine.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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