- Anti Joke

Ask me if I´m an orange. Are you an orange? No I? a person.

Why did the boy fall off his bike? Someone threw a fridge at him.

Knock Knock.. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Daves dead. This is Darrell.

How do you kill a fat guy Keep giving him food he'll die eventually.

What's the difference between you and yourself? Yourself has 4 more letter in it.

What do Ethiopian children do at night? Starve

A man had just got done with work and was driving home through the country side when his car broke down. He turned the key and the car didn’t start so he turned the key again and it didn’t work so he started walking and walking and walking... and walking and walking and walking some more. And finally he came across a farm. He knocked on the door (knock on something) he knocked again (knock on something) he knocked again and finally the door opened (make the sound of a door opening). (In old man’s voice) what can I do for you sonny. The man said that his car broke down a few miles back and asked if he could stay there for the night and call for a tow truck in the morning. (In old man’s voice) sure but under one condition the old man said. And the old man walked out to the barn opened the barn door (make the sound of a door creaking). He moved the hay bale (make a thumping noise). Under it was a trap door the man opened the trap door (make the sound of a door creaking and then a thump). Under it was moldy, old, damp, steep steps. They walked down the steps (Make the sound of steps creaking (multiple times)). They walked down the narrow corridor and walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to a giant glass door the man pushed it open (make the sound of a door creaking). They walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to an iron bared door. The man opened it (make the sound of a door creaking). Then they walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to a large open room and in the corner was a cage and in the corner of the cage was a black figure (make sure you don’t say it was an ape). The old man said (In old man’s voice) don’t touch it and so they. Then they walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to an iron bared door. The man opened it (make the sound of a door creaking). They walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to a giant glass door the man pushed it open (make the sound of a door creaking). They walked and walked and walked some. And finally they walked up the moldy, old, damp, steep steps. (Make the sound of steps creaking (multiple times)). He closed the trap door (make the sound of a door creaking and then a thump). He moved the hay bale (make a thumping noise). Closed the barn door (make the sound of a door creaking). Walked to the house and went to sleep. The man had a dream about touching the figure (make sure you don’t say it was an ape) and right as he touched it he woke up. He thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. He had the same dream and woke up. He went back to sleep and had the same dream and decided to go check the thing out (make sure you don’t say it was an ape). He walked out to the barn opened the barn door (make the sound of a door creaking). He moved the hay bale (make a thumping noise). Under it was a trap door the man opened the trap door (make the sound of a door creaking and then a thump). Under it was moldy, old, damp, steep steps. He walked down the steps (Make the sound of steps creaking (multiple times)). He walked down the narrow corridor and walked and walked and walked some more. Finally he got to a giant glass door the man pushed it open (make the sound of a door creaking). He walked and walked and walked some more. Finally he got to an iron bared door. The man opened it (make the sound of a door creaking). Then he walked and walked and walked some more. Finally he got to a large open room and in the corner was a cage and in the corner of the cage was the black figure (make sure you don’t say it was an ape). He goes up to it and sees that it had changed places. He studies it more closely and sees that it’s a giant ape! He’s about to touch it and says to himself no I shouldn’t touch it the man told me not to I shouldn’t do. And then he’s about to touch it and he pulls his hand back and thinks I should get out of this place when I'm not paying attention I'm going to touch it and then he feels something fuzzy on his hand and looks at it and his hand is on the ape. Then he starts to panics and thinks what have I done. But strangely nothing happens and starts to wonder about why the man told him not to touch it. And then the ape starts to stir. The man runs for it. After a minute of running he hears the cage burst open (slam in the table). He gets to the iron barred door and slams it shut (thump on something). After a few seconds of running he hears the iron barred door burst open (slam on the table) then he slams the glass door shut (thump on something) and after a while hears the glass door shatter open (slam on the table) he quickly gets to the stairs. Runs up them as fast as he could slams the trap door shut (thump on something) throws the hay bale on (thump on something) slams the barn door shut (thump on something) slams the barn door shut(thump on something) he starts running for the car and starts trying to get his key out of his pocket while he runs he get to the car fumbles his keys around to find the right one finally finds it and unlocks the door puts the keys in and turns it and nothing happens he turns the key again and nothing happens then he realizes that his car has broken down. He tries to calm down and realizes that he hadn’t heard the ape break out of the barn and must have had a very hard time getting up the small steep stairs. Then he hears these repeated thumps (thump on something (many times and get louder)and figures out that it’s the ape running then it stops all of a sudden… (thump on something as hard as you can)and then he heard this loud crash on the roof. then the ape punches through the roof and destroys the passenger seat and then rips off the roof. Picks the man up holds out his pointer finger and says (in a deep menacing voice) tag your it and runs off into the distance.

what did Charlie Sheen say after he won a game of chess? I just won a game of chess!

There once was a mountain climber. He loved to climb mountains. He had climbed all of the world's tallest peaks...except Mount Everest. So, one day he decides to climb Mount Everest. He takes weeks and weeks to prepare himself. He trains and trains three times a day till he thinks he is ready to climb Mount Everest. Climbing up it takes forever. It feels like it has been days in the dreary cold. Finally, he reaches the peak. It is a glorious occasion. On the way down, a huuuuge storm rolls in. He falls down a cliff and breaks both of his legs. The pain is unbearable. He screams and screams but no one hears him. Finally after what seems like days, a group of monks find him and carry him to their monastery. Chapter Two Once the man wakes up he thanks the monks for saving his life. They give him a room, food, and nice clothes. Every night in his room, he hears a banging behind his dresser. It is really loud and he is quite annoyed by it. The next morning he asked the head monk what the noise is. The head monk says " I cannot tell you, you aren't a monk." He hears the banging noise every night. HE asks the head monk every morning but he always says he cant tell him because he isn't a monk. So the climber decides to become a monk. After years and years of training to become a monk, he finally becomes one. Chapter Three So he says to the head monk, " I am a monk, so now can you tell me?" The head monk replies, " I can't tell you, but i can help show you. So he pushes the drawer back and reveals a little door, He gives the man a lantern and says to go through it. The man goes through the door into a little, dark tunnel, eager to finally find out what the noise was. He crawls for what seems like hours and hours and hours and days and days and days and days. He finally gets to the door where the banging noise is and opens the door. What he sees amazes him. Do you want to know what the banging noise was? I cant tel you, you aren't a monk!

Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes A: Nothing - call an animal cruelty service

three black men walk into a bar. they where asked polity to leave.

I used to be an Adventurer like you... But then I decided that it was a dangerous form of employment and stopped.

Knock-knock. Who's there? Just open the damn door

How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? one, hes an electrician

Why was the little girl lying on the floor? Because she had no arms or legs.

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? It doesn't matter because the deaf man couldn't hear him.

A cannibal wearing a sport coat, grey slacks, and a pink tie walks into a bar holding a duck in one hand, a chicken in the other, and chewing on a human arm. He is subsequently shot by one of the patrons. There's a concealed weapons law here.

What does AIDS smell like? AIDS has no smell. AIDS is a diease contracted though sexual contact with another being with the diease. It greatly increases the risk of infections and malignancy. Although AIDS has no smell, in the final stages large sores develope on the surface of the skin. This means you are going to die. Thus, HIV/AIDS has no smell.

why did the boy drop his icecream?? he got hit by a bus

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead

Where are you going Your house

Why did no one throw a fridge at the boy on the swing? Because fridges are heavy.

Women's Soccer.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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