There is a bus driving down the street, suddenly a man jumps out of the buss and splatters on to the sidewalk, why does he jump out? the buss driver was asian

thumb_up thumb_down -34

woman's rights

thumb_up thumb_down -12

a person who will soon die of beeties

thumb_up thumb_down -8

My mom told me to shut up because I was screaming as I was strangled.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's the difference between me and a dead baby? I'm not dead, or a baby. I am well into my teens and very healthy.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the elephant climb the tree? Because he didn't want to tie his shoe.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did Abraham lincoln do after getting assassinated? Certainly not riding a bike thats for sure.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

how do you kill a zombie? Zombies arent real.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why did the chicken not cross the road? He ran

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Your momma's so fat... She's on a diet.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, then they probably won't hear the lumberjack's cries for help either.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's worse than being short? Being a Tutsi in 1994.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What is worse than finding a dead mouse in your loaf of bread? A lot of things since you were able to sue the bread company for tens of thousands of dollars.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why did the little boy cross the road? because he had been raped.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Skinny guy: Hey wanna hear a yo mama joke? Fat mother: Hey you wanna die?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why was the anti-joke poster offended by all of the thumbs down? Because he didn't understand the concept of an anti-joke and instead submitted a childish, racist, incoherent lame 'joke'. This filled him with angst because he is uneducated and doesn't respond well to criticism.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's pink fluff? Pink fluff. What's blue fluff? Pink fluff holding it's breath. What's red fluff? Angry pink fluff. Ask me if I'm a truck. Are you a tr-- No. What's green and has wheels? Grass. I was just lying about the wheels. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple, 'cause the other half's in your mouth. What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Angry pink fluff. What's worse than angry pink fluff? The holocaust. That's not funny. Stop laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's black and gets in trouble a lot? A dog with black fur that has not been well trained.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the man walk into the bar? Because he wasn't looking where he was going

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A man is being followed by a large swarm of mosquitoes. He eradicates them by spraying himself with an insect repellent that has a high deet concentration.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

whats worse than getting a papercut on the tip of your finger? getting crushed by a refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why did the cute baby start crying?? because its feet were eaten by rats.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops