What's long and hard and full of semen? An erect penis at the climax of an orgasm.

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Did you hear about the kid napping? They found his body in a ditch.

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What do you call a gay dinosaur? a mega sore ass

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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what happened to the guy that got attacked by a shark he died

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A deer walked into a hunter's bar... and was shot.

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Q:What do you call a black man on the moon? A:A problem. Q:What do you call 100 black men on the moon? A:A problem. Q:What do you call the entire race of black people on the moon? A:A problem solved

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a man died

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A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

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What is white and can't walk? A PVC Pipe.

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Q: How do you keep a carnival fish for more than a week? A: Place it in formaldehyde when you get home

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Knock, knock Who's there? Landlord; you've been evicted.

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs laying at your doorstep? Matt.

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why did the child go to school? Because he wants to succeed in life

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What do you call a brunette between two blonds? Probably their friend. How should I know?

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Knock Knock Whose there? A field full of mexicans A field full if mexicans who? F**k You

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What does a baby sound like when put in the microwave? I don't know, I was masturbating.

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What do you call a penguin in the desert? Most likely a dead penguin.

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and chess? Michael Jackson's dead.

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what did the dead woman say the boy? I am dead.

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What is one plus one? I don't want to do math.

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Your momma is so dumb she has to have weekly tutoring to help understand finding the value of x in an equation.

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What do you get when you cross a road with a car? Severe injuries or even death.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? A chicken doesn't need a motive to cross a road, it just does.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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