Im good at other things... ...like giving handshakes

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What's the same about a clown and a knife? They are both fun, except for the clown. I hate clowns.

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anal seepage

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How many elephants can you fit in a car? Five. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.

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A man walks into the doctor's office and says "I'm not feeling to good doc." and the doctor says "Thats because you have a fatal brain tumor and probably don't have too long to live."

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Five little monkeys jumping on the bed One fell down and bumped his head He suffered a serious concussion and was never the same again.

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your mother eats so many chocolates and sugary confectionary that i would recommend a check up the the dentist.

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How are a dead chicken and a woman alike? They both belong in the kitchen

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Why was the pencil case unzipped? Because it wasn't zipped up.

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What happened when the irishman left the bar? he didnt

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what did the lamp say to the woman Nothing, a lamp is a plastic glass and metal inaminate object therfore it can not speak

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WOMAN! I am not a sweetheart at the core, I am slightly sweet on the outside and really really dark and cruel on the inside, so I can trick people into loving me before I consume them! Anyway, sure, I will get to it, first thing when I wake up, like 8 hours from now okay? Moral: Seriously? Are you hoping to see a sweetheart at my core?

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Women's rights.

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What does Yoko Ono say while rehearsing her song before a concert? She gives directions to the band.

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Friends are like potatoes, If you eat them, they will die.

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What did the man say to the attractive female bartender as he left the bar? Well, it's been fun but I hate you so I'm leaving to kill your entire family.

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Why can't Ray Charles read? Because he's dead

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An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

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Why did the man get fired from his Job? The boss became his ex girlfriend 2 minutes ago

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Make some fucking lemonade.

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A guy went to McDonalds and asked for a cheeseburger: —Can I have a cheeseburguer? —No

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Do you know what Chuck Norris does for a living? He's an actor, I also heard he's quite good with martial arts.

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Why did Jimmy go to the doctor? He had just been hit by a semi truck and his legs were severed. He died later that night.

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Knock Knock Business Man: Who's There? Al Qeada Business Man: Al Qeada who? Al Qeada is flying an airplane into your building Then a commercial airplane flew into the oddly placed door on the 95th floor of the North Tower. That's how 9/11 happened. Have a nice day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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