A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What sound did the man make? Splatt. He fell off a building.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put my sausage in your oven

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Knock knock Who's there? Overused punchline Overused punchline who? The Holocaust.

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What did the white father tell his mexicon son and his wife as he left for work bye

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Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

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Two muffins are in an oven. And by muffins I mean jews. They both die a horrible death.

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Knock Knock Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you!- Napoleon Dynamite

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Q: What is the difference between a tree and a women? A: your mom

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I was gonna clean my room. But then my mom did it.

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What do you call a Russian civil war? A war in which one side wants to seced from the other.

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Why is 13 the most hated number? 13 is Jewish.

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Roses are red , violets are blue, you like 1d? STFU

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What do you do when a blond throws a grenade at you? Take the pin out and throw it back. Then look down and realize there's still an active grenade in your hand. You've just become the joke

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What did the baby say to the banana? -- "mama!"

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Whats a buch of blacks running down a hill called? The Detroit, MI marathon in seeing that 84.3% of Detroit's population is of Arican descent.

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Okay, an ambulance is arriving for me (cops called it whatever I am fine) If you are still reading this then get the fuck out before I fire you no more messages.

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How do you starve a black person? Hide his food stamps in his work boots

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A man walked into a pub, and enjoys of a couple off pints. Some time later he loudly asks the gentleman next to him: Do you know about this thing called Fightclub?... The bartender had to call an ambulance, you don't talk about fightclub

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What is the difference between a car accident and being on your period? A period is less bloody.

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nice tits.

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pants on the ground pants on the ground lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground

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whos gay and sits next to me? Griffen in my architecture class

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What did the mother get her blonde daughter for her birthday? A flower on her tombstone.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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