What's worse than getting shot in the face? Nothing really because that could leave you seriously handicapped for the remainder of your life or there is a good chance that you are dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

ROB SNIEDER ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS A CAARRRRROT! rated pg-13

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Dylan F fell off a bridge Landed in some water and was ok 2 days later he got bit by a shark He is now in a coma

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock Who's there? Dave, I've got a fucking gun. Let me the fuck in.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you get when you cross a Lion and a Shark? You would likely get trouble, seeing as its both animals are quite dangerous and crossing even one of them is ill advised.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A high school student finally gets the nerve to ask his long-time crush on a date. They begin dating, and eventually settle down and get married. After six months of marriage, she dies in a car crash and he spends years in therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How many kids does it take to get a day off of school? ...26

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Wanna hear a joke??... No...... oh ok :(

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the robot say to the child? Nothing, he malfunctioned and strangled him. Despite the authorities best efforts to free the kid, he was still strangled because robots are really strong. After killing the boy, the robot self destructed and leveled 5 city blocks everyone within the vicinity was killed.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you eat for breakfast and is sometimes blue? Pancakes.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did Colussi miss school for 2 years? -Because he died

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the turtle cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's purple, red, green and does jumping jacks. Nothing... that sounds pretty crazy if you ask me.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

connor sucks

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Knock Knock! Who's There? Mike Mike who? Mike who you just called and told to come over Oh ok, come in

thumb_up thumb_down

A guy walks into a bar what does he say? OW.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Question: How did the chicken get to the other side of the road? Answer: Too find his joint.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you." So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind." The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out! "The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.' The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.' "The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded! "So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.' "The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible. "The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'" The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.

thumb_up thumb_down +6,203

Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are shit Violets are my dick Guess what I do for a living? Sex with refrigerator monkeys!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Two women that are both blonde were driving together down a hill. Suddenly, the brakes fail and one blonde says "Oh no, we're gonna crash. The blonde in the passenger seat says "Don't worry, there's a stop sign." Then the blonde driver says "I'm not dumb okay, that's yield sign.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What happens when a man farts a fancy memorial party in a ball room in England... At least 1000 people die somewhere on earth in the time his butt squeezed out that fart. And I'm sure someone gets raped.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's red and green and goes 500 mph? A frog in a blender.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops