Why could'nt Susie talk? The mafia cut out her tounge

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man is driving home from work. he realizes he left his suitcase back at the office. he turns around and drives back to the office. he walks in the office and grabs his suitcase, and as he's walking out he's stopped by his boss. his boss simply asks "what are you doing in the office at this time, Eric?" the man replies to his boss " sorry sir i was just grabbing my suitcase as i forgot to bring it as i was leaving work" his boss lets him pass " okay Eric, have a good night" the man get back in his car and drives home. but on his way home a pedestrian runs in front of the road. the man runs him over unintentionly. the man is jailed with manslaughter for 4 and a half years

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What do you call a man with a spade stuck in his head? An ambulance, he may be in need of urgent medical assistance

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the man drink water? Because he was thirsty

thumb_up thumb_down +33

what's the funniest anti joke? not this one

thumb_up thumb_down +51

If Jonny has 300 pies and eats 299 pies what is left for Jonny? DIABETES

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I've had Alzheimer's for as long as I can remember... So since yesterday.... CHAYOTE ASTRONAUT SPACE SAY WHAT?!?!?!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did one dinosaure say to the other? Nothin, they are all dead. XD

thumb_up thumb_down

Hello

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Three blondes are walking through the woods when the come upon a set of tracks. The blondes stepped away from the tracks to watch the train as it went by.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

What do you call a fat, ugly kid? An unloved child.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Some parents named their sons: Who, What and Where. Many people were left confused as to the couple's decision, and some remarked that the sons would likely get picked on in their early school years.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Depends how you look at it, I like some girl, she and that girl gets along, I get along with the two girls, and yeah, I make them fight to the death as I consume the weakest one and make the new one my wife of darkness! Well, actually, threesomes, but NEVAH, NEVAR!! *shakes fist towards the skies* with another man! Now if my waifu wants to have some fun with a girl, I say why not (and then she asks if I want to join always so far), its genetics, you know, each caveman had like 600 wivus and he did not have time to bang them all, now let those genes go trough MAN for a couple of millenia, and he becomes the KING OF DEMONS... ME! Those other scumbags are a whole other story. Oh, and the 600 wivus did either go without sexytime, or you know... I mean you do KNOW that women are like comfortable naked together and yeah...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

balls

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what did the n i g g e r with alzheimers say to the c h i n k? 9/11 was the funniest fake joke since the holocaust and 9/11 and the holocaust and 9/11... and... what?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the fireman go to the police station? He didn't go to the police station, he went to the fire station.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A nhiger walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand. "do you have any lemonade" the man said "no. we don't serve nhigers lemonade. but you can drink your own piss boy, thats home made.." the nhiger waddled away (waddle waddle) till the very next day. The nhiger walked up to the lemonade stand with a lawsuit file right in his hand and said "you are legally required to serve me lemonade" the man said "fu(k you nhiger go back to where you came go back to Africa it's full of aids" the nhiger said "goodbye".... i'm too lazy too finish this off so i'll spoil the ending, the nhiger was actually a smelly pakistanian, which was actually a dirty chi-nk in costume. let's just say lawsuits were filed but the lemonade stand owner had casey anthony's lawyer and in the end never had to serve fu-cking nhiger ,smelly pakies or dirty chin-ks again :) The End. Happily Ever After.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Women don't have penises. Am I the only one who can't get over how WEIRD that is?!?!?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Q: Why didn't the boy go to school? A: It was the weekend.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Yo momma so ugly..... what more do you want

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q:why did the boy not have to walk his dog? A: because the dog and the rest of his family died in a terrible house fire while he was away at summer camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the elephant climb the tree? Because he didn't want to tie his shoe.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Seriosly. too much sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

why does Tom Sawyer like apples? He likes their flavor

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops