A women walks out of a kitchen.

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a little girl is playing outside of her house when i man in a van approaches her and stops to ask if the girl will help him find his puppy and that he has some gandy. seeing as the girl has a great love for animals she gets in the van. the man and the little girl drive around until they find the puppy. the man is so overjoyed her rewards the girl with candy. he then drives her back to her house and she feels wonderful having helped the man find his puppy. the end.

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Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint.

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A plane crashed. The pilot was some sort of food, like a loaf of bread or a salad. Neither of which can fly a plane or do much of anything-- like get a plane to move in the first place, let alone take off.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient ability. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Two fuses wearing bombs for hats were sitting on a bench with their frayed feet dangling on the ground. A match was walking along and tripped, hitting it's head on the ground and bursting into flame. Luckily the fuses had finished lunch by that time and gone back to work. Unluckily for the match it died from burns to 80 percent of it's body.

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How many muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb. One.

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Two men walk into a bar and begin ordering drinks. Both men engage in polite conversation with each other. At the end of the night they each take taxi's home because they realize the potential risk they pose to others if they drive intoxicated.

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I know animal testing is cruel, but my dog did really well on the SATs.

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Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash with a hammer. The other is a watermelon.

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Friends are like balloons When you stab them they die.

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Beka has AIDS

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Q: What did the bulbasoar say to the charmander? A: bulbasoarrr

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A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.

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What is Cleopatra's favorite cookie? A: Chips Ahoy

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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What do you call white people on a bench? NBA What do you call black people on a bench? RTA

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was clumsy.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels at the loss of their firstborn child.

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Penis

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What's the difference between being gay and being homosexual? Nothing really. The two words are synonyms so try can be used interchangeably.

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Why couldnt the kid see the pirate movie? Because he didn't have eyes.

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what happened to the slut last time she opened her legs. a bee flew in and stung her. turned out she was deathly allergic. she died a painful death.

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A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. Unfortunately, the bar was closed due to the poor economy. Luckily there was an Applebee's across the street and they were able to save money with half-priced appetizers.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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