A blonde walks into a hairdressers salon. She gets her hair cut.

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Why did the blonde girl lie? Because she's a liar.

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Steve is an average man. He has a good life, is married and has 2 kids. So why did he have his dog put down? Because it was hit by a car and had 21 broken bones and was in severe pain. Steve thought putting it down was the best thing to do.

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Your mother sleeps around so much that I worry that she may be taking too much medicine for her insomnia.

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What did the muffin say to the other muffin? "Hello, nice to meet you."

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Eat a d!ck you sh!t fukk! I'm going have to ask you leave now

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In an effort to bond, the American president and North Korean Supreme Leader place a bet on a football game. If the President was correct, the Supreme Leader would have to buy them a drink, and vice versa. The game is close but in the end the President's bet wins. He asks for the drink, but the Supreme Leader refuses. An argument breaks out, and lasts for several hours. Eventually the Supreme Leader becomes too infuriated, and leaves. So the next day, North Korea declares war on America and launches nuclear missiles towards them, millions of lives are lost, and the world descends into anarchy.

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Tucker Rivera

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You have 5 $1 dollar bills. Your mom rapes you and you still have 1 $5 dollar bill.

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My dog has no dictionary. How does he spell terrible?

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Wanker

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Why was the kindergartener crying in the corner? His family was poor and his father abused him.

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Q: Why are pine trees green? A: Time to get a watch

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what food wouldn't you take on holiday with you? any its all inclusive

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knock knock Who's there? Me Me who? Me Doa Kong Oh, Hi! Come on in.

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How do you cheat your friend up Throw a BRIC at her face.

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What's worse than finding gum stuck on the bottom of your desk? A clown following you around carrying a shotgun and throwing toothbrushes at you.

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a person who will soon die of beeties

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why did the pyromaniac burn down the house? because he is a pyronaniac, he derives pleasure from burning things.

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What's the easiest way to load dead babies into a tractor trailer? Pitchfork.

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A small plane is flying across the Atlantic Ocean, on board there's a Black Guy, a Jew, a Priest, and a Mexican. The plane has engine failure and needs to crash, but luckily there are enough parachutes for everyone. The evacuation is succesful.

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Why did the child say he had been a ubused. Answer: because he had been.

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How do you torture a turtle? If you came up with an answer to that question you are completely and utterly unethical and immoral.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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