Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end

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You know what really pisses me off? When I drink too much coffee.

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Cheetahs run at an alarmingly fast rate for short periods of time. Until I shoot them with harpoons.

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i tell you whats funny......... what? a fat sudanese man

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A: What happened to the snake? B: It died

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What did the hobo say while giving birth? bob come over here and hold my third leg for me??

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What is worse than the holocaust? 2 holocausts

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What did the kid say to the ginger? You're gay.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, and so do I.

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What's funnier than 24? NOTHING!!!

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L's I's that took Viagra.

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You know you have no friends when you write anti-jokes. [M]

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Justin Bieber

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How do you put a bananna in a mini-van? Walk up to the mini-van and stick it in the backseat.

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone? She got hit by a bus Why was Billy laughing? He was driving the bus Why did Bobby drop his ice cream? Billy put the bus in reverse Why was Johnny crying? Sally and Bobby stole the money from his bank account and now he is poor and homeless

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Why did the portuguese fisherman take out a $20,000 loan with a reknown loan shark at exorbitant interest rates? He needed to buy a kidney on the black market for his drug addicted daughter who had also destroyed his credit score meaning he coudln't get a loan from the usual credit facilities such as banks and credit unions.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Father Dougal Mcguire

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What's the same between a mole and an eagle? They both live underground, except for the eagle.

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I would write a joke, but it wouldn't be funny

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Earlier that morning the farmers daughter had inadvertently left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distracted of late. Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soybean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture removers van as it attempted to make its way home. Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman. "Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flies". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most iridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.

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What's easier than taking candy from a baby? Almost nothing.

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what does a buttler put in a closet ? stuff.

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Q: Why was Sally crying? A: Because someone punched her in the face

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The global news

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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