how do you teach a baby to walk? cut of its hands.

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A guy is taking a pee in the ocean and a fish swims up and drinks the pee. The fish says "thanks for the lemonade."

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Every Good Boy Deserves Fibromyalgia

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roses are green violets are green i was drunk last night

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Three men are facing a firing squad. They are all promptly executed. Even if they were to escape by distracting the executioners, they would no doubt be shot down before they could get for.

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slaughter the mussies #EDL

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What happened when the joke was bad? crippled up like cancer of the eye

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What do a Shark and a lemon have in common? They can both swim, except for the lemon

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Q:What do you call a black priest? A: A great quality volunteer at a local church.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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How do you make a clown happy? You sucks it's dick

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Why do women hate getting shot? They die.

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Want to hear a scary story?' I was droppin a two ball and the monster walked in

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What is small, green, lives 10 meters under the ground and eat rocks? The little green rock eater!

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Knock Knock! Come in the door is unlocked. I have cookies!

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Roses are red, Wait. Why start this poem when you cant finish it Refrigerator

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On a scale from 1-10, what is your favorite color of the alphabet?

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why didn't the mexiczn eat the black man's cooking? because it wasn't good

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What did one duck say to the other duck? Quack.

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be. He could not be. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. He's either in great danger or has a psychological disorder.

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What's funnier than a dead baby? Almost everything. Infant mortality rates are incrediby high in many third world countries, and it is certainly no laughing matter.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The road was Catholic, and it couldn't cross itself.

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What did the German say to the Jew? Sorry.

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What did your Little brother get for Christmas? Lice.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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