What's green, fuzzy, and can kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

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A man walks into a bar and says "Ow".

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What happens when you shoot a priest in the heart? He dies.

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A caterpillar and its mom (a butterfly) come upon a lion eating an antelope. The caterpillar says "Mom, why is the lion so mean to the antelope?" The mom replies: "it's the circle of life." The next day, the caterpillar and his mom witness a bird of prey swooping down and eating a mouse. The caterpillar asks why the bird of prey is so mean and the mom responds by saying its the circle of life. The next day, the caterpillar and its mom come across a trail of dead animals. They follow the trail to the end where they see a great lion. The mom opens her mouth to say its the circle of life when her son jumps up and eats the lion. THE END.

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Q: What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? A:One is fun to hit with a hammer, the other is a watermelon.

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Q: what did the poor, blind, deaf, orphan girl get for Christmas? A: cancer.

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why wasnt johnny in math class?....he slipped and cracked his skull on his way there, he is now recovering at the hospital

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You're mum is so fat, she has low self-esteem

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Why did the sponge go to the store? The same reason all sponges go to stores: to be sold to patrons of said store.

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Did you hear about the three black guys who got run over by a car? No? Neither did Ray Charles!

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the WNBA

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Tell her to inform the police that her significant other is assaulting them and that she should file a restraining order.

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What's red and green? A frog in a blender

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A woman walked into a club. Or at least, that's what her abusive boyfriend told the police.

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a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?" and the horse says "my wife has terminal cancer.

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Want to hear an orphan joke? Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents

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Women's rights

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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Where did Susie go during the explosion? On her knees to catch it.

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A black guy and a white guy are arguing over what race god is. So they go to god and ask what race he is. He says, "I am what I am." The white guy says, "yes." The black guy says, "why did you say yes?" If he was black he would have said, "I is what I is.":):):):):):):):)<3

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What did the little boy get for christimas? Nothing because he's a selfish asshole.

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Knock knock Whos there Your Ma Your Ma who Your ma's in jail!!!

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What is black, white and red all over? An interracial couple that has been shot and murdered.

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Knock Knock Who's There ........................ ........................................... I hate doorbell ditchers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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