why was the giraffes head so far away from his body? because he has a long neck

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there!!" The next morning he got up early and told his wife to come to the driveway. He quickly pulled out a .44 magnum and murdered her violently.

thumb_up thumb_down +689

why did the magician stop doing magic ? he got hit by a bus and died

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A man returns from the army and finds his wife in bed with another man. He kills them both.

thumb_up thumb_down +575

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you make Lady Gaga sad? You kill her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, If a wood chuck could chuck wood? A full study has never been commissioned into the amount of wood chucked by a groundhog and thus far remains an unknown quantity. ls

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How did the man die? A gorilla raped him

thumb_up thumb_down +7

There are four worms walking in a straight line. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The fourth worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How do you drown a blonde? Intentionally attempting to drown anyone, regardless of their hair color, is murder which is illegal and morally wrong to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Why did Harry get in the taxi? His mother told him to put his seatbelt on.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

One day a man named Tyler put a picture of an Asian in his wallet and proceeded to call himself Asian even though he was of Caucasian. Then a theif pick pocketed his wallet and was confused.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did one volcano say to the other? Hey.... wana get some lunch... later, not now of course it's WAAAAY TOO EARLY!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Knock Knock. Who's there? It's the gas man, I've come to read your meter, like we arranged.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

my bubbles!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did boy with now arms and no legs get for christmas A pogo-stick

thumb_up thumb_down +19

I started a pottery course where the two instructors looked like Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze. The only other student looked like Whooping Goldberg. This teacher to student ratio proved invaluable as I am hoping to make a living as an artist and really appreciated all the extra attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

a korean guy robs a black guys convenient store!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Listen, I cannot as much as I would like, to take the full responsibility for every decision my former followers might decide to make of their own, we are no religion nor do we follow any kind of doctrines, we encourage freedom but also respect for our fellow human beings, all of them regardless of race or affiliation. But you let me know whoever has as much as looked at you the wrong way, and I will make sure they no longer find themselves welcome within my order, nor anywhere else if their actions merit the firm hands of justice.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How is nothing something if it is nothing?...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's red, black, and blue all over? A canvas with red, black, and blue paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

whats sad about a ton of blacks in a limo going off a cliff. they'll destroy the car

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops