What's the difference between a dead baby in my garage and a Ferrari in my garage? I don't have a Ferrari.

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What did the dog say to the Jewish Rabbi? Bark

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A: my name is Joe and i like onion B: ok

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Knock Knock Who's there? A kind hearted serial killer who will win your heart emotionally and then shoot you to death unexpectedly.

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What did the starving kid say to the starving parent? Pineapple

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How do you have se with hellen keller? Very sweetly

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What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench? the NBA

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How much cocain did Charlie sheen do? Enough to kill 2 and a half men

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If life gives you lemons, steal the declaration of independance and use the lemons and a hair dryer to reveal the numbers on the back. Then enbark on an epic journey that ends with the discovery of the templars treasure. Lastly, use the money you earned to buy some lemons and make some lemonade.

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a jew, a muslim and a christian all walk into a bar; because of the difference in religion im afraid such an event is unlikely to occur in the future.

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Whats worse then a hundred dead babies? One trying to eat its way out.

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What's huge, gray, and has a trunk and wings. An elephant with wings glued to it.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face (pokerface)

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What did the boy skip rocks with? -A rock

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you: Why did the chicken cross the road? them: "To get to the other side...?" you: Oh! *stare*

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What did the flight attendant get for Christmas? A Trebuchet from medieval times dating back to the 12th Century CE.

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KILL WHITEY

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Roses are red, I want a gravestone, nobody loves me, forever alone

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So I took this girl into my room we got in bed, We got under the covers and.... We had a rather delightful game of scrabble.

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What do you get when you cross a horse and a pony? A mule

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Knock knock Whos there? Sorry, wrong house,goodbye!

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what did lois call peter when she first saw him? i dont dont know do you?

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roses are red violets are blue i'll be back in an hour or two

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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