A man walks into a bar, looks to the right and sees a man one foot tall playing the piano, he sits at the bar and says to the bar tender,"I'm feeling kind of down" the bar tender gives him a bottle of very strong alcohol and later that night he goes home and hangs himself.

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What did the dead man say? Nothing because dead human beings have no beating heart and do not live so they cannot speak.

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An anti-Semite, a Jew and an American walked into the bar. The barman said: "Hi, Sara".

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Why was the woman in the kitchen? Because she is enjoying the meal her husband has prepared for her after a long day at her second full-time job of the day

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Why Tom is Gay ? Because brocoly didnt eat a mashroom .

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What's Pink And Wet? A chewed up piece of Bubble gum.

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How can you tell if a duck is quaking? Hear it

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A black man walked into a bar. He cashed in big on workers comp.

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How many jews does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Red." "Red who?" "Red any good books lately?" Suddenly, the séance lost credibility.

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What's black an blue and doesn't like sex? The 8year old in my trunk.

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An asian man walks into a bar He buys a drink.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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How do you tell if a politician is lying? You make him take a polygraph test.

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A momma tomato and a baby tomato are walking down the street, and the baby tomato starts to fall behind. The mother turns to it and says "hurry up."

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What do Jay Williams, Lebron James, Candace Parker and Maya Moore have in common? They were all winners of the Morgan Wootten Player of the Year Award.

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What do you call Charlie Sheen when he's on drugs? Charlie Sheen.

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Man 1: my wife has lovley perfume. She smells like a peppermint cream. Man 2: Yeah, I know, I spent eight hours shagging her last night.

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Q: What did Jenna Jameson say when she heard hard banging near the front door? A: Come inside

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What's the difference between a duck? One of it's feet are both yellow.

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What did the mental patient say to the apple? She didn't say anything because she was a catatonic schizophrenic.

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what happens when you throw a green rock into a yellow pond. it makes a spash.

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Hey I just met you I'm on bathsalts your face looks tasty

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, Everything's grey, I'm a dog.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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