Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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how do you make a homosexual man have sex with a woman? shit in her vagina

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What do you call a blind fish? Amblyopsidae.

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Why does Chuck Norris own a can named Chuck Norris? because he is self-centered due to all the attention payed to him for virtually no reason at all.

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Ok class, we are doing arts and crafts today, but remember, have fun and be creative... Thats what she said

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Measurology: The measurement of your measure can measure the measurement of measures, along with measurements exceeding the measurements of measurement, with measures at the measurement of measuring measured measures. - ToFlyForU_28

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why are black people good at jumping and white people aren't? That's stereotyping people .... anyone can be good jumping as long as the practice.

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What's worse than some one spitting in your food Hitler revealing he's actually a Jew

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69

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Roses are red, violets are blue, your face belong in the zoo, don't worry I get there too, not in the cage, just visiting you :)

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What is the black stuff between elephants toes? Slow natives

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Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks, as he saw the first two men previously walking into it, and it looks like it rather hurt.

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Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken.

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How do you stop a car? Put on the Brake

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Q: Why did the boy fall off his bicycle? A: Because someone threw a fridge at him.

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I like my women how i like my coffee. Without a penis.

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teacher: what do you call a math book with no writing in it?! student: idk what? teacher: a notebook! student: ok... thanks

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Why did the tissue dance? Because it had a boggie

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Why did the fat man cross the road? Because he felt that being overweight, he had to do something about it and go to the gym.

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Why was the girl crying? Because I raped her

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What's the difference between a baby and a textbook? You throw a textbook at the wall with TWO hands.

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A plane crashes on the border of the United States and Canada. Where do they bury the survivors? Why would they bury the survivors? THEY'RE ALIVE

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You ask your friend if they want to hear a joke when they say yes tell them that thought you had a joke

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What is a question?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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