What did David's mom give him for his birthday? Nothing he hasn't seen her in eight years.

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What do you call a person driving a plane? Not a pilot, they fly planes.

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Why did the accident happen? The breaks on the car stopped working. Why did the breaks stop working? The driver was drunk.

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Roses are red, Violets are purple not f**cking blue!

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Roses are blue Violets are too I've got Alzheimer Roses are red

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Kid A:We're home alone, you know what that means. Kid B:Cover ourselves in vaseline and slide around like slugs on the kitchen floor? Kid A:Yes

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Justin Bieber's gay!! My butt is sexier!(;

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A wise man once said, "I am wise".

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Why was the black man fired from the bakery? He didn't work hard and was repeatedly absent

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yo mama is so fat even dora cant explore her

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nofin Eejit.

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knock. knock. whos there? ur mom now put ur pants back on

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Why couldn't the ten-year-old get into the pirate movie? Because it was rated PG-13

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What's worse than getting a F on your History test? The millions of children around your age that cannot even afford to go to school, most likely because they live in a third world country.

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What's frozen and eaten off a stick? Your dead uncle Norman

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what is juicy and smells like juice,but it is not juice? juice. i lied about it not being juice.

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What happened to the Californian who drove off into the sunset. He died. You can't drive in the ocean.

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What do you call an blonde, brunette, and a redhead? There has yet to be a definition for a group of people categorized by hair color.

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penis likes vagina cuz its straight (get it?? it has an erection!!!!!!)

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This guy walks up to the bartender, and says to him, " ill bet you $100 that i can piss in this cup from 20 ft away." The bartender laughs, thinking hes gonna get an easy 100 bucks. he says "ok, u do that and ill watch." the guy says "ok but one second." he then walks over to this table full of guys and the bartender see him and them whispering and shaking heads. then the guys walks back over, and says to the bartender, "ok here i go" then he whips out his wang and starts pissing all over the place,all over the bartender, the counter, everywhere but the cup. Meanwhile the bartenders laughing, because he thinks he made some easy money. then the bartender asks the guy for his money and the guy says, "alright one minute." then the guys walks over to the table full of guys and they al start pulling out money and give it to him. so the guy walks over to the bartender and says, "here you are, your 100 bucks" the bartender notices him smileing and says "u just lost 100 bucks why are you happy?" and the guy says, " you see that table full of guys over there? well, i bet them all $500 dollars that i could piss all over you, your counter and all of your things, and that youd not only be happy about it, but youd laugh!!!"

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Knock, knock. MAN: Who's there? ... MAN: Hello? Anyone out there? ... MAN: Must be the wind.

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What's sad about three black men in a Cadillac driving off a cliff? They were my friends.

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how do you make a plumber cry?.... kill his family

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What did the red fish say to the blue fish? Nothing fish can't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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