Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It had cancer.

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Why was Mrs. Clause mad at Santa Clause? Because he was hanging out with three hoes, Ho, Ho, and Ho

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Q: What's red, pink and spins round and round? A: A baby in a blender Q2: What's red, pink, green, and smells bad? A2: The same baby 2 weeks later

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What do you do when life hands you lemons? Such a statement assumes that life is an actual person, which is impossible. Thus, you do not need to concern yourself with what you must do when life hands you lemons.

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The WNBA.

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What is red, and bucket shaped? A red bucket.

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What did Tarzan say when he took out his knife? I took out my knife.

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Why do monkeys fly with their wings? Because Elephants tend to run out of battery.

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A man breaks into your house points a gun at your head and proceeds to fire a blank... The man stares at your for another minute before jumping back out of the window he crawled in from and sitting on the curb outside your house rethinking his life choices.

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what can jump higher than a tree? anything that can jump because everyone knows that trees cannot jump.

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women's rights.

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Knock knock Whos there? Knock knock Who's there? Knock knock Who's there?! "is anyone home this is Helan Keller"

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What do you say to seduce a woman? Is that a mustache? WTF!

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no really what are ur names?

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An ordinary man, much like your friend Brad from that one place where you used to hang out, was walking along one night, much like that night last week, and saw a star. He then wished upon that star...and kept walking.

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what did the kid say when the bully took his ice cream nothing the bully punched him in the face first.

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What is the difference between a duck. One of its legs are both the same.

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A man died.

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how do you get a cat out of a tree? with boomerangs

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whats better than a dead baby..... wait..... whats worse than a dead baby...... never mind its not that funny anymore

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Q:What happens to an elephant if he falls from a building with 10 floors? A:He dies

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because the monkey was a dead. Don't you dare laugh. Asshole.

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What is small, green, lives 10 meters under the ground and eat rocks? The little green rock eater!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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