Knock knock. Who's there? It's the government, your home is being repossessed.

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A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

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Why don`t women need watches? Because in our modern society, there are many clocks in most locations.

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there once was a guy named james who like to play video games he was told one day that he was gay and he immediatley consulted a priest for reconciliation

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What happens if you punch a girl? An equal rights protest.

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Why are tests such a pain in the ass? Because your vomiting shit you'd learned the night before.

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how do you make Will Smith cry? cut off his toes and fingers.

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Roses are red Violets are blue You just lost the game UMAD Bro?

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Knock Knock whos there? brad are you thomas brad are you thomas who? for goodness are you a parot or something

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't get back up? She had no legs.

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Why did the kid fall off his swing? Because his mum threw a fridge at him.

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A black man walks into a bar with a lovely parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks "hey where did you get that Africa says the parrot...

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So, today I was walking down the street... I met a black guy.

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Knock knock Who's there Bill Bill who? Bill Thompson

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Q: Why did the plane crash into a mountain? A: The pilot was a tomato.

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In soviet russia, 6 is not afraid of 7

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Q: Why is Abu Soooo Dank? A: Because he scores too many left-foot bangers

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What color do you wear if you're in the NAVY? Beige, white, sometimes camouflage - really, it depends on your rank and the situation.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? You. You who? You should be drug out into the street and shot. Whoever you are, I will find you.

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What does a cow do at McDonald's? He is eaten by obese people.

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A man walks into a bar... and watches the Monday Night Football game with his pals.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to his party? Because he used to be alive and was burned to death by an overturned truck carrying chemical's so his family canceled the party to organise the funeral.

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Roses are nice, violets are fine, ill be the 6, if you be the 9!

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What do you call a man with no penis? WOahMan! O_o

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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