Guy 1: Where's your dog Guy 2: I Dunno Guy 1: I ate it

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Knock knock! Why didn't you use the doorbell?

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A man walks into a bar and says he has a talking dog. He is then taken to a mental hospital and diagnosed with schizophrenia.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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So Nero, what the fuck are you doing? XD

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TRENT EGENLAUF IS a LITTLE BOY

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Why don't you hit a black guy riding a bike? Because that is dangerous and he could get hurt.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Obama. Obama who? Barack Obama, President of the United States. I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of sugar. I'm baking cookies for my family, because they really like my cookies.

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Why did the Jew go to prison. He slaughtered his family.

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do you have snow in your vagina? because i am going to plow you

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A elderly man was driving down the freeway when he got a call from his wife. He answered the phone and his wife said "Be careful dear, I just heard on the news that someone is driving the wrong way on the freeway." The wife then heard a loud crash over the phone as the drunk driver going the wrong way slammed head on into her husbands car, killing them both intstantly.

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What did the mother give her family on christmas? Some gelt, dreidels, and Challah because it also happened to be Chanukah on Christmas that year

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What has a fiery tail and is mentally handicapped? Charetard.

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What's the difference between a park bench and a black man? The bench can support a family!

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When time is the best time to make a wish during the day? 9:11

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What's worse than the holocaust? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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Question: how many times a power rangers episode show a power rangets face ANSWER: dont ask me im not that big of a power rangers!

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Who's gay? Justin Beaver

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whats sad about justin bieber getting hit by a car and dying ? I wasnt driving the car that hit him.

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Why does Toby suck! Because he sucks!

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What did the mentally challenged kid get on his test? Drool

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69

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Why do monkeys fly with their wings? Because Elephants tend to run out of battery.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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