- Anti Joke

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

Roses are red Violets are blue The more you know

What do you call a black guy selling drugs. A pharmisict.

my wifes star sign is cancer, kinda ironic how she died really..... she got eaten by a giant crab.

Why did the man run away from the woman? He forgot his rape kit.

If I was in a room with Osama bin laden and george bush, and my friend. And I had a gun with two bullets, I'd shoot my friend twice.

Those who can't teach... Aren't teachers.

Every day Mr. Robbins, or Big Jim as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up to his wife farting rather loudly, giving off a potent and irritating smell. This happens because she has a certain condition that makes her much more gassy than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be playful because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He then grabs his pistol out from under where his pillow used to be and then continues to pistol whip her for the annoyance. After bloodying her up a bit he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then cry at his increasingly shrinking penis because of his steroids abuse, which hasn't made him get in shape or become stronger, but rather worsened his already four hundred pound weight to an astonishing four hundred and one pounds. After crying for a while he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and gets chewed out by his boss every day for his lack of effort and is then threatened to be fired if it does not improve by the end of the month. He is always being chewed out by his boss because he does the absolute minimum he is legally allowed to do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. But, at the end of the month he is never fired because he threatens to kill his bosses daughter whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. Normally someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but unfortunately the police chief is his father, who has an out-dated sense of Male Superiority, and the only detective in their small town suffered a heart attack four months ago. This caused a problem because the body was never disposed of because the only medical examiner died one day prior to that because he tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and fell off the mountain, killing both him and the only man who knew how to use a telephone in their town as that man tried to grab and save him but was only taken along on the ride. And now no one wants to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes because they do not want to walk into the department because of the smell, and nobody knows how to use a phone because that person died trying to save the life of the only medical examiner who tripped over the body of the only doctor at a crime scene and went tumbling down, leaving the only detective to rot in the department, causing nobody to want to report any crimes. Big Jim then went home and his wife shot him to stop him from killing her eventually, but was never arrested because nobody wanted to go into the police department to report the crime, but the only police chief, who was his dad, does not want to see his son because his son made fun of him for smelling like dead body because he was always inside a room with a dead rotting body.

why did the depressed man jump off the bridge? He likes bungie jumping, and wanted to cheer himself up by doing one of his favorite hobbies

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. "Can I touch it?" "No way -- you already broke yours off!"

Why isn't Juley at school today? Oh Her father chopped off her arms and legs, gagged her, ripped out both eyes and threw her in a lake tied to cinderblocks!

Knock knock. Who's there? Docter. Docter who? XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

what do you call a kid without arms and legs? names

What happened after Will Ferrell took a dump? He wiped his ass and flushed.

Q: How many cantaloupes can you fit into Jackie Chan's basement? A: 4

How do you make a small child cry? You cut off his fingers..

How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? None they're dead.

What's Funny and has two Wheels A kids falling off his bike

A man buys a kitten from the store. He gets home, takes it out of its cage, and realizes that it wasn't the kitten he wanted. He then returns to the store and exchanges for the kitten he originally wanted, but then decides to keep both because he is feeling particularly hungry.

I got pussies, cocks, asses and bitches. In my animal store.

What would Martin Luther King Jr. be today if he was white? Alive.

Your mother is so black...because she recently suffered a horrible accident with fire and has irreparable skin damage.

How do you knock a cat out of a tree? If that doesn't work, use a lethal BB gun

What do you call someone like Sarah Palin? A tragic victim of America's flawed educational system. But hey! She learned one thing though! Russia is right in her own backyard! Oh wait that would be wrong unless her backyard stretched all the way across Alaska and the Bering Sea. So she didn't learn anything at all. OK she's just dumb

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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