A rooster lays an egg on the tip of a roof. Which side does it fall to? Roosters don't lay eggs

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q what r u eating under there? Aunderwear ewww thats nasty

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Three men walk into a bar they suffer permanent brain damage, and completely lose their basic cognitive abilities. They will never be able to speak to one another again.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do you get if you put in a pan- a raw chicken, a lemon, assorted vegetables, onions, maybe some soy sauce, and a little olive oil then place this pan into an oven for around two hours, allowing the chicken to moisten. then serve with the assorted vegetable .supper.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

I like my sex how i like my steak Pink and Bloody

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock Knock Who's there? No one was there. It was two birds flew into the door and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

They say the human body is comprised of 70% water, it's more like... 60% because I'm dehydrated if know what I'm saying... I should really drink some water.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A man walks into a bar and then, after a relatively short period of time, walks out of the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Where did the moon get its degree? Unfortunately, they haven't installed any colleges for planetary satellites yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How do you kill 1000 Ethiopians? Push 1000 Ethiopians off a cliff

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Whats blue and white and red all over? The American flag

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why didn't Katie cross the road? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did God tell Moses to deliver to the Hebrews? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Obama: And then I said there would be a change. (hahahahahaha)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why can't the T-rex clap? Because it's extinct

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did Hellen Keller say when she drove up to the stop sign? Nothing, she doesn't drive.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

what did Charlie Sheen say after he won a game of chess? I just won a game of chess!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

why did the onion fall out of the bag? ...there was a hole in the bag so the onion fell out

thumb_up thumb_down +54

laughter is the best medicine, unless you have cancer, then you will die.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Jack: Hey, you know what sucks? Jill: Vacuums Jack: Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense? Jill: Black holes Jack: Hey, you know what just isn't cool? Jill: Lava?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I am back with more jokes! -Lets go Mets It is best to dislike this one

thumb_up thumb_down -22

ss sa asd g dg asd g asd g sdg s dg sad g ads g s dg sad g sadg as dg as dg sdg ds gs dg sdg sd g sdg sd g sdg ds gsd g ds g sdg sd g sdg sd g sdg as sdg know i'm sayin?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what do you call a dog? it doesn't matter what you call it, its not coming

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops