Cleveland winning something

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: Why do sharks live in salt water A: Because if they don't the die from blood loss because their blood-cells swell up and explode in non- salty water.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Dear crush, I want to drink you

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you call a shark on land A dead shark

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A caterpillar and its mom (a butterfly) come upon a lion eating an antelope. The caterpillar says "Mom, why is the lion so mean to the antelope?" The mom replies: "it's the circle of life." The next day, the caterpillar and his mom witness a bird of prey swooping down and eating a mouse. The caterpillar asks why the bird of prey is so mean and the mom responds by saying its the circle of life. The next day, the caterpillar and its mom come across a trail of dead animals. They follow the trail to the end where they see a great lion. The mom opens her mouth to say its the circle of life when her son jumps up and eats the lion. THE END.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you make Jacob cry? Take away his xbox

thumb_up thumb_down -16

I AM SATAN, YOU SHALL LOVE ME BEFORE EVERYBODY ELSE! YOU SHALL STONE THY INSOLENT CHILDREN! THY SHALL R*PE AND KILL IN MY NAME! YOU SHALL HANG MY SON ON THE CROSS WHICH I SACRIFICED BECAUSE HE IS IMMORTAL/BECAUSE I LOVE YOU? "Moral" "Man": Joke is on you, who do you think I am, God?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A man on an airplane is extremely frustrated by a small, screaming child. He puts on his headphones and listens to music.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How do you tell if a girl is pregant? Stick a banana up her vagina pull it out and see if it has a bite on it

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing? R: Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Why did the fireman go to the police station? He didn't go to the police station, he went to the fire station.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What is fat and white? A polar bear with a glandular problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Knock knock. Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop who? (smell my poo)

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man walks into a bar gets drunk passes out then goes to rehab because he has a problem

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man walks into a bar. He was the barman. [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is funnier than a dead baby? almost everything. there is nothing funny about a dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Where does a leper go every Monday and Wednesday? The dermatologist.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

If you have me you want to share me, if you share me you no longer have me. What am I? (a secrect)

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do five Jews get to America? They get their passports and ride a public plane, safely leaving the airport and getting on a taxi to go to their hotel.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I’m on the new Seefood Diet… I can only eat Fish or shell fish

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops