What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? He said : "where's my tractor?!"

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What's the difference between a kleenex and a man? One absorbs your tears while the other makes you cry.

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The feds ruined the first underground, so in order for this to not happen you joined them?

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What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? An anachronistic hypothetical sporting event that would never happen.

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knock knock whos there open open who the door

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Your mother is so fat that I would call her quite fat indeed.

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Why does Spongebob go to work? Because he's ready.

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So what have you overcome? I mean I know alot about you, but little about your personal deeper self, with that said, you telling me you are some kind of X-men when it comes to genetics?

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what did "A" and "B" look for when they went to the beach? what are you talking about? letters cannot travel!

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Then help me understand Nero, people had the free and legal right to decide to be a part of our, or your society if you prefer, where has that option gone now? Where is the people that choose to believe in their own potential and in the one of their equals? Today we live in a society where its basically pop culture to dislike oneself, where it is considered narcissism to like oneself, and you know that we have both been affected, while those we considered allies before, have joined the same people that branded us evil.

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Knock Knock! Well come on in!

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Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

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Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? There was no cross walk.

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What Do you call a black priest? Holy shit!

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knock knock. no one answered so the man at the door went home.

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An englishman, an irishman amd a scotsman were walking down the street. What a fine example of unionism

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your dog pooped on my lawn Now my violets are even more blue

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A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "why do you have a wheel in your pants?"

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You:why did the kid get a massage? Guest:Why? You:Cuz he wanted one.

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Knock Knock F*ck of I'm watching p0rn

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Yo mama's so poor, she doesn't have a lot of money.

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Omg you bought a Prius? Children in Africa are starving and could have used that money to buy food.

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i Have read and agreed to the terms of service

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What do you can a boy with no arms and no legs? Names!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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