Friends are like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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What's worse than finding a worm inside your apple? Finding an apple inside your worm.

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You know you're dyslexic when life gives you melons.

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Why did the white man kill the black man? Because he was a racist that didn't care much for black people or their ways.

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Why was the black person playing hockey? Because he found an interest to the sport during his childhood years.

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What goes up and does not come down? Why the hell ask me.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was trying to commit suicide through vehicular manslaughter and knew that the average human being would not be able to stop before it was too late.

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A: Want to hear a funny joke? B: Nah, I'm okay

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how many friends does tomas have 0 he is a loner

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Why did Billy start crying? Because he was abandoned at a young age- and was bullied since childhood in the orphanage.

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You know that you are going to fail horribly when... your purpose generally defeats the mission.

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My mom so fat, when she jumps gravity pushed her away from the ground

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Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you." So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind." The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out! "The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.' The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.' "The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded! "So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.' "The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible. "The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'" The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.

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Q: What is red and green and goes 100/mph? A: A frog in a blender

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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Why did the Mexican drive off a cliff Because he lost control of his vehicle which resulted in an unplanned trajectory causing his car to divert from the intended course and thus veer off the road onto the cliff

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Knock knock. Who's there? Imaj. Imaj who? Haha, you're a Jew.

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Two jews walk into a bar. They drank beer and shot some pool and had a good time.

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Wanna hear a joke? Women's rights.

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I'm Donald Trump! Wump wump wump! Win a few Lose a few I'm Donald Trump!

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What did the plane say after it flew into the World Trade Center on 9/11 Nothing, planes are incapable of speaking.

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ask me if im deaf. are you deaf? ...............

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Whats from Hattersley? Someone who lives in Hattersley.

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what do you get when you cross a broken arm and a broken leg? a broken head.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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