Once upon a time, a story teller used the "once upon a time" metaphor in order to tell you your parents have died in a terrible accident

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Text Klarens at 317-653-8695. Tell him crazy shit or send crazy pictures.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

John:Why couldn't the T-Rex clay his hands? Billy:Because his arms are too small! John:no he's extinct dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +38

wanna hear a joke? woman's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's sad about this man who committed suicide? He forgot to return his rented DVDs.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple. What's worse than finding two worms in your apple? Being raped with a cheese grater.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a mexican with a broom in his hand? a man who likes to keep his office at his own company clean

thumb_up thumb_down +35

This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the chicken cross the road?? Because he felt like it okay!!! Just let him be!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -62

How many skilled union workers does it take to change a light bulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What happened when the old woman crossed the road? A completely unrelated archery accident lead to the deaths of several people and thousands of dollars of property damage in another part of the country. The woman crossed without injury.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

whats the difference between harry potter and a jew? harry potter can escape the chamber

thumb_up thumb_down -23

went to mass. remembered to say with your spirit.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Why did the plane crash. its pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what do you call a black man that sells drugs

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the white guy say to the Mexican guy? Nothing he realize that the Mexican guy probably didn't speak English and he couldn't speak Spanish so conversing with this man would have been pointless.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Orca Whale walk into a local eatery to discuss what is on their mind. The Priest says he is proud that even though their community is comprised of people residing in many different religions, they still work together to strive for a better tomorrow. The Rabbi nods his head in agreement,he states that he is proud of all the hard working men in their community that are willing to make sacrifices for the needy. The Orca Whale also nods in agreement and pauses for a moment to think while he insight-fully gleams at his two other friends. The Mighty Orca Whale then contributes to the conversation by saying eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrr!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why can't february march Because april may

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson? Spelling.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the weird alien jump everywhere? You probably don't want to know. If you learned why it jumped everywhere,you probably would make fun of it. I don't know if you know this, but aliens are sensitive. If you made fun of him, you probably would create World War 3:Humans VS Aliens.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why cant the blind man read brail? he has no fingers

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How did i get from Pakistan to Iraq Iran

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops