time to spruce up!

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Why are black people like jelly beans? Nobody likes the black ones

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how many milkshakes does it take to bring all the boys to the yard?

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Why did the little boy die? He had cancer.

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Why couldn't the journal cross the street? Because there was a red light.

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one day a bear was eating for winter he ate about half what he had to and said "Im tired ill take a nap and eat the rest later. one month later he died of starvation

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Why was Mrs. Clause mad at Santa Clause? Because he was hanging out with three hoes, Ho, Ho, and Ho

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Knock knock Who's there? Hi I'm John from the jehovah witness society down the street and I'd love to talk to you about your beliefs! Would you like a pamphlet?

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Your momma's so stupid, she threw out all the W's in the m&m's packet

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My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

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What do you call a flat-chested woman with a penis? A man.

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What did the black man say after he swallowed the bicycle? He didn't say anything. Swallowing a bicycle is physically impossible.

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what's the difference between a pogo stick and a traffic cone? well for starters, traffic a cones main function is to cordon off areas or alert drivers to certain areas of road that are not to be breached and pogo sticks are used as toys to heighten bouncing. I'll stop here but the list goes on.

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And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, "The one whom I kiss is the one you seek. " To which they responded, "Gay. "

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Roses are cheap Violets are on sale It's Boxing Day Please buy my flowers I really need the cash.

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Why did the blonde fall off of the swing? Because someone threw a machete and it made contact with her skull, thus causing a painful break and rapid blood loss, making it virtually impossible to remain sitting upright.

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knock knock. Who is there? You have. You have who? Your entire family in my basement.

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live or die you decide to late time to die

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Hey "Oren" its Red, sorry but I got to go now. How you been doing? Kinda missed you over here. So you actually care about how you sound now?

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What do you call a man with only one eye? Half blind.

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25

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What the kid with no arms get for christmas? A baseball and a glove to go through with his dad

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Why did the Asian Kid pass his test? He studied hard.

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Why did the Sara fall off the swing, Because she had no arms. Knock, knock Who's there not sara.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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