Why couldn't Matilda walk to school? Because a dog ripped her legs off.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You just glass her.

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what did michael jackson do when i swore at him? nothing he's dead

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how do goldfishes drown? you pull them backward water fills there lung and there die

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What did the dinosaur say to the centipede? Its funny cause the dinosaur is big and the centipede is small. Also dinosaurs can't even talk!

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What is worse than being blind? Having a brain tumour.

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three black men walk into a bar. they where asked polity to leave.

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What's more fun than nailing a baby to a wall? Pulling it off.

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THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE!

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What do babies and caterpillars have in common? They're both dead. Except the caterpillar.

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IKR! and I hear rondo and wade were in a fight too!

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Ask me if I'm a Banana Are you a Banana? Yes Oh, I couldn't tell in this lighting

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What did the little girl buy for her cat? A box to bury him in.

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What does Osama Bin Laden and the typical Western man have in common? Extensively modern ppoorrnnoo-graphic collections.

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This desk is two chromebooks wide. It will be one once I push yours off.

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What do you get when you cross a baby and a chainsaw? Life imprisonment.

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What did the hispanic guy say after he took a bite out of a McDonald's hot n' spicy chicken sandwhich. I'm lovin' it.

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What do you do when a guy pulls up in a van with piercings and a gay lisp, what do you do? Get in the van.

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Your mother is so morbidly obese that she greatly exceeds the necessary recommended serving sizes of each meal.

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A: Did you know Helen Keller had a treehouse? B: No. A: Neither did she.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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What do you call a dog riding a bicycle? An talented dog.

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How does a black guy die? He doesn't , he's black

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Why was the dyslexic cowboy crying when he came into school that day? He had chronic diarrhea.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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