Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because it was cooked with eleven herbs and spices.

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Your mama's so fat, that at her last annual checkup her attending physician informed her that it would be in her best interest to diet and exercise before her obesity manifested itself in a variety of chronic afflictions that would detract from her ability to lead a long life.

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Boy: Will you go out with me? Girl: No. Boy: Why? Girl: Because I don't want to.

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They usually say "fuck" the police! But no one wants to fuck the police...

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Why did the Mexican cut his neighbor's lawn? His neighbor cut his lawn the previous week.

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What's black and sits at the top of the stair case? Stephen hawking in a house fire.......

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A man finds a lamp in the desert. He picks it up and dusts it off. The lamp becomes cleaner.

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There were three blondes hanging off a freezing cold helicopter. A burnette, a red head, and a blonde. The redhead's hands were getting cold so she let go so she could blow on them to keep them warm. She fell off the helicopter and down the cliff. A little later, the burnette did the same thing, i mean their hands were cold. But the blode then said " guys, your doing it wrong. You have to do it like this." She blew one hand at a time, " not like this: she showed them how they did it and fell off too.

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Did you hear about the black kid that had a gun? Yeah, it's a.20 gage that his father bought him for Christmas so that he could go hunting together

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and asks for directions to the nearest Applebee's.

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What do you call a green blur in the sky? Super pickle?

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Q:Whats 2+2? A: 4

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What is the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One you can smash with a hammer and the other is just a watermelon.

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What happens when a building has a 13th floor ? You realize this isn't a del building and fall down 13 flights.

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How do you tell if your lesbian lover has cheated on you? If she's pregnant.

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Beans beans, they're good for your heart, the more you eat the less at risk you become to such health problems as diabetes and heart attacks. The increased carbohydrates and antioxidant properties maintain a manageable balance for the body's digestive system to maintain a good constant internal environment.

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How did Hellen Keller eat her meals? With a fork.

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Why couldn't the towel talk? Because it didn't have a language.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it felt like it!!!

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How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit him with an ax.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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Q. How many infants does it take to paint a wall? A. Depends how hard you throw them...

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A rock walks into a bar. The town goes into extreme panic and is abandoned because rocks are inanimate objects.

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c-? men, C-men

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops