what would you do if Michael Jackson was drowning? he can't drown he's already dead

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Why did the little girl fall off of her bike? Because she didn’t have any arms. like your mom

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Daughter: Mom can i watch a movie? Mom: Sure. Daughter: Thanks mom! You're the best mom in the world! Well....Mary is, since she had Jesus.....But anyway. Thanks!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the Arab do when he got frustrated? Burned himself

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do an elephant and a grape have in common? Well, depending on your ideological views they are either both God's creations or two examples of species which have evolved over time. That is all.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

How do you make a mime cry? Hit him with an axe

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Q: How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? A: You open the door put the giraffe in and the close the door. Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? A: You open the door to the refrigerator take the giraffe out then put the elephant in and close the door. Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend but one, which one is it? A: The elephant it's in the fridge Q: You have to cross a river that is inhabited by crocodiles how do you cross it? A: You swim across, the crocodiles are at the animal conference.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the doctor say to the female car crash victim? Nothing she was dead when he walked in the room.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Jackie Chan walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How did the cat get outside? It fell out the window

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

WHATS FASTER THAN INTERNET BUSTA RYMES

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's purple and gross? Purple gross stuff

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What do you call it when a cigarette is brown instead of white? A cigarette that is or has been damp so that the nicotine was able to bleed into the paper and dye it.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

why was the fat man excercizing? because he was a fatass and no one liked him

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Q: What's brown and looks like a weasel? A: A weasel.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know... I thought no one knew the answer to that question...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man asks a young woman at a party if a rag smells like chloroform. She doesn't respond because she's passed out. He takes her to a nearby bedroom, rapes her, and leaves the party promptly. He'll probably victimize many other women with this method.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

The daring man said "here goes nothing." And nothing happened. -Tag

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A man goes to a doctor to check about an itch on his testicles. Turns out it was just a rash and is promptly prescribed medication and it clears up in a week.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A black guy, a priest, and a rabbi all walk into a bar. They order water and chat about life.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Kys

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof? Get down.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops