How many seals does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Depends on how high the ceiling is.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

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I heard an awesome joke last night. I cannot remember it.

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How do you make a suicide jumper not jump? Shoot him instead.

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Person 1: Why do eskimos wash their clothes in tide? Person 2: It works very well.

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Child: Hey mom can i go to the store with you? Mom: no son, i'm not really going to the store. I'm cheating on your father.

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Q: What is the differenc between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babys? A: I dont have a lamborghini my garage.

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What do a squirrel and a cigarette have in common? -They are both perfectly harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

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What is 0% sugar, 100% pure, 150% hyperbole, 90% bug-free, has 4815162342 lines of code, autonomous, is awesome, bigger than a breadbox, bread is pain, is bringin' home the bacon, classy, doesn't use the U-word, deja vu, deja vu (oh wait a moment), does barrel rolls doesn't avoid double negatives, doesn't bother with clones, Engage!, Enhanced!, Euclidean!, Excitement!, Exploding creepers, Finally complete!, finger-licking, full of stars, funky LOL, GOTY, Give Us Gordon, Indev, Ingots, and has an End? Minecraft!

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- Knock Knock - Who is it ? - I'm a Jehovah witness - Sorry, I don't know anyone by the name of "a Jehovah witness". Bye.

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Q:why did the man jump of the house A:he did not I threw a frige at him

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guy walks into a bar. other guy says to him, "are you blind"? "yes", he answered.

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Heskey time.

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A man walks into a 1980's style restaurant he takes a seat and orders his meal.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To see his brother im dying of leukemia.

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So a horse walks into a bar.. and breaks both its front legs. The owner has to shoot it because it can't race anymore

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Why does ISIS want guns? Because they wanted to kill. Duh.

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What's the difference between red paint and blue paint? One looks like blood and is used a lot in restaurants. The other is blue.

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What did the priest say to the nun? ... I don't know, I wasn't there.

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What did the T-rex say to the velociraptor? Dinosaurs are extinct.

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why did the mexican stab those people? why? he didn't you racist

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What do you call a guy with no legs and no arms? Mat.

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What do you call something you should prepare yourself for when having sex with a prostitute? A.I.D.S

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When life gives you melons, your dyslexic

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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