Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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How much does a polar bear weight? The average male polar bear weights about 1500 lbs (680 kg)

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Why can't Vampires go out in the sunlight? Because they don't exist.

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A man walked into a bar and a knife seventeen times.

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What did the dog say to the house? Roof

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What do you call an Iraqi man steering the plane? a pilot, you racist.

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I scream! You scream! - You've Just Been Rapped

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What did the Pope say to the homosexual couple? Welcome to the community.

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finding out that when you had sex with that prostitute, you severely injured your urethra tube and you cannot create urine or spurm.

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A blonde girl is lying dead on the floor with a potato peeler in her hand, what killed her? Substance abuse and loneliness.

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A girl hands her boyfriend her phone and says it's his dad. He throws it on the ground exclaiming, "My dad's not a phone, duh!"

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Knock Knock Who's there? A human pretending to be a dog A human pretending to be a dog who? Errr...I mean...woof

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your face

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What do you call a black guy who is selling drugs? A pharmacist.

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your momma so dumb she put a battery up her but and said i got the power!!!

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You just glass her.

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How do you catch an elephant? Dig a nice deep hole in the ground, and fill it with ashes. Next, line the outside of the hole with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.

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Q:Why did the chicken cross the road A:He didn't he was tortured then killed and turned into a sandwich that you can buy for the price of $1.00

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42, that is all

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What does a person and a tree have in common? You can knock them down if you hit them repeatedly with an axe.

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do you know what Noah didn't bring on his arc? unicorns

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People who find just saying 69 is the funniest thing ever.

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what do you call a Ukranian woman without a visa? my maid

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Why did the lady have a birthmark on her leg? Because she came out of her mother's leg.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops