Why was the girl crying? She prolapsed.

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3 like an eel

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Elvis presley was taking a poop and couldnt poop cause he was dead.

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Three Jews walk into a bar... I lied, it was a gas chamber.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? He died! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was attached to the first! Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game! Why did the fridge fall out of the tree? The branch broke! Why did Sally fall off her bike? She got hit by three monkeys and a fridge!

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A seal walks into a club.

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What is long, hard, and full of semen? An erected penis.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven.

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What do you call a large group of Apes attacking San Francisco? Well, it isn't called anything but coincidentally there is a movie called Rise of the Planet of the Apes which was released August 5, 2011 starring James Franco and Andy Serkis. -David Bruggen

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What did God say when he made the first black person? I have just added a significant element of diversity to the human species. Intolerance between ethnicities will surely prove to be an obstacle in societal progression, creating hardships for many. I know this because I am God.

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I have a horse.

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What did muscleman say to his dad? You know who else is my dad? MY MOM!

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please thumbs this up to help rhinos with boners thank you

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What's older than history? Pre-history.

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What do you call an attractive woman in a blender? A very rare occurrence.

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"Why is Barney green and purple?" "Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way."

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what do you call a woman with cancer wearing a wedding dress? a shouttellcock

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Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 is right behind 7 and he's naked.

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i used to take arrows to the knee,til i took one to the balls.

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Knock Knock The occupant uses their peephole and realizes it is a familiar face then proceeds to let them in.

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A man walks into a store with a faulty washing machine. He provides a valid guarantee receipt at the customer service desk and it is replaced without an issue

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy.

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I think people who go to see a psychiatrist need their head examining.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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