Why did the black man go to Jail? He was visiting his friend!

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GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious! GLaDOS: The end. GLaDOS: The end? GLaDOS: That's not funny. GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing? GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out. GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen. GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers. GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse. GLaDOS: Briefly. GLaDOS: Reactions? GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.

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What is the saddest episode on tv ever? The live broadcast of the World Trade Center being destroyed.

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whats the difference between 69 and 6.9 theres a period in the middle

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Q - What is worse than a nerdy joke on anti-jokes with a lot of big words in it? A - Although I get scared when i see big words, the page long jokes are probably worse

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Q: Why did the plane crash? A: Someone threw a hippo at the pilot.

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What did the boy with no legs get for his birthday? A bike

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what did the paraplegic get for his birthday? a bike...

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If a blonde and a brunette are both falling out of a building, which one will hit the ground first? The brunette, she jumped first.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Steve. Steve who? Steve Johnson, and I'm legally obligated to inform you that I'm a sex offender.

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Q: If you're driving down the street in your canoe and the wheels fall of, how many pancakes does it take to shingle your dog's garage? A: 27, because bananas have no bones.

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How can you shed 10 pounds in one day? Get your legs amputed.

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whats red that looks like ketchup taste like ketchup and is't tomato sorce? ketchup

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Make it? Sodium levels? Means he is eating right? Its not ADHD, the chatter is his way of coping with pain and what I believe is PTSD (dont tell him, he would get mad, if he gets that blank stare while chatting a lot its like he is back in the past for a while, please distract him out of it, but dont tell him anything about that. Give him what he wants, its a secret but Nero masters hypnosis, and he pretty much knows himself to a point far beyond others know themselves, he can sense lies and knows how others are feeling just by the movement of their pupils, their eyes, their breath, the tonality of their voice and lots of things like that, I think thats some sort of hypnosis as well, he uses ritalin in order to focus and shut off pain receptors mentally and stuff I don't understand, I am sure he would not ask for it unless he knew he could take it, he has literally performed surgery on himself before, the kind that would kill anyone unless under strong anesthetics. (removed bullets from the back of his skull, people say its just a myth, but I was there so I know its true) Please trust me on this as weird as it might sound.

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Did you know: it is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer

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A black man killed someone

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Knock Knock Who's there? Gestapos.

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Q:Who has the highest K/D ratio in Call of Duty World at War A: Hitler, 6000000/1

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Shit I'm bleeding.

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How many stripes are there on a policeman's socks? None, policemen must wear regulation plain black socks.

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Mary had a little lamb... The doctor fainted

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Anti jokes gives me cold sores

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What do you do when you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Take him out of the bath, make sure there is nothing they can hurt themselves on, put something soft under their head and loosen their clothing if it’s constricting their breathing.

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name one pop artist who's better than Michael Jackson that's really hard. there's so many

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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