A blind man asked me out last night. I told him I was seeing someone...

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chuck norris won the world series of poker using his superior knowledge of counting cards and calculating probability.

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Why did the bald man lose his hair no not cancer obviously AIDS.

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What do you call it when Justin Beiber has sex with a woman? Intercourse.

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What's blck and blue and doesn't like sex? The ten year old in my car.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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My computer crashed today I was watching porn.

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slow down! you move too fast. you gotta make the morning last. just tripping down the cobblestones. looking for fun and feeling grovvy.

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Whats gayer then dancing with the stars? Justin beiber

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What's johnny's favorite bedtime story? The sound of the subway. Johnny and his father are homeless and can't afford bedtime stories

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Q: Whats worse than finding 10 babies in a trash can? A: Finding 1 baby in 10 trash cans!

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A man walks into a bar, the bartender says, "why the long face?" the man replies, "my wife has terminal cancer and has been given 2 weeks to live."

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i have a black man in my family tree. i am 25% african american among several other ethnicities.

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What's big, hairy and smells like sweat? The big show after a hard days work in the ring.

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Barny the purple dinosaur has no imagination, stuck his finger up his ass and called it masterbaition!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was late for its laser bypass surgery.

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Nickelback ranked number 1 as greatest rock band according to rolling stones magazine!

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what's a snake that has no legs a snake

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What happened to the man that walked into the bar... He walked into the bar

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a man was beating his wife his wife asks him to stop he says no and continues beating her

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What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Your in the wrong hemisphere

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ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE HERE'S A KNIFE KILL YOURSELF KANE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Knock Knock I have a door bell It's broken Oh

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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