When life gives you lemons, Commit felonies

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Why did the black guy smell fried chicken? He had a brain tumour

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Why didn't Santa deliver presents until the night after Christmas? You should go ask someone who knows.

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Why did the Michael lose the race? Because he had no legs.

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We are as to jokes as atheists are to religion.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Suisidal

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why was 6 afraid of seven? because 7 brutally beat and raped 9

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John said: "This roller coaster makes me green." HIs mother replied: "That's because you have leprosy."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I threw it after I chopped its' head off.

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knock knock who's there ?? the police now get out !!

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what did the chocolate bar say to the ice cream cone? nothing: chocolate bars can't talk

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Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

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So a man walks into a wedding and asks the waiter where the to wait for the punch... the waiter says, "there is no punchline."

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Nice legs....What time do they open?

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Q: why did the chicken cross the road? A: to get to the gay guy's house knock knock who's there? the chicken

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There are two hippos in a bathtub, one says to the other, "pass the soap." the other hippo says, "no soap, radio."

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YES! EXACTLY!

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If youve ever seen the wizard of oz movie and family guy, then u get what i mean. Hes a PHONY! a BIG FAT PHONY!

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What do the Wii, PS3, and Xbox 360 all have in common? None of them will get you laid.

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what's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm ? finding a half worm.

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a white guy walks into a black guy bar who walks out. A. half black half white baby.

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One day, a bear happoned across a man and said "How do you do today good sir?" but the man ran away screaming "OH CRAP, BEARS!!!!" because it just sounded like bear growling (which i would love to dedicate to my friend Chris Bradley, just to make the ball to stick ratio too high)

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A shark ate your mom

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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