Did you know him? Why the anonymous tip?

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I forgot the rest, Don't laugh at me...

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why was the Islamic woman killed? She insulted Allah.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

anne hatthaway

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Two Muffins in an oven One muffin looks at the other muffin and says: "Oohhhh it's hot in here!". Then the other muffin says: "Oohhhh a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

a man walks into a bar. Bartender asks him "Hey buddy, why the long face?" The man says "Because I'm a raging alcoholic and my wife has left me."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because seven "eight" nine. Yeah, I went there.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Can I ask you a question? You just did

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How do you confuse a blond? Ask her to solve ( [3x - 3x^2 +1]^744 ) x ( [- 3x + 3x^2 +1]^745 )

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Will my son live, doctor? No because you don't have a son and I am not a doctor

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what do you get if you put a baby in a microwave? an erection

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why was the black racist guy and the white racist guy, who 0hated each other, afraid of Michael Jackson? They didn't want to be the other each others color.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Knock Knock *opens the door*

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the tomato say to the ketchup? Nothing both vegetables and condiments are inanimate objects, therefore cannot speak

thumb_up thumb_down -8

...this makes a cop throw a car and then call "inception!"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you confuse a blonde? You put her in a round room and tell her to find the corner.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

So a magician was droving down the road and then he turned into a driveway!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

melons are berries, tomatoes are fruit, being a smart-ass isn't that good.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Why did the chicken cross the road? The question just posed is unanswerable, as in order to state the reasoning for the chicken crossing the road, one would have to assume the a chicken has a concept of 'road'. As the chicken is an avant, we can safely say that it has no need of pavements/ sidewalks or roads. As a result, it cannot possibly have an incentive for doing so. Consider the following hypothetical analogy: you are walking in a forest, and you unknowingly cross another animals scent trail. You cannot possibly say WHY you walked across the scent trail, as you didn't know it was there. You can state your reasoning for walking in the first place, but not for crossing that specific scent trail. In conclusion, this question is unanswerable, due to the chicken's lack of knowledge about roads.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the black man say to the Jewish man Nothing, because they were walking on the street and did not know each other

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Does an albino chameleon turn different shades of white?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops