Knock Knock! Who's there? No one. No one who? Cares.

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So Bob walked into his house after a long day at work and layed a rope on his bed. A few hours later his wife came home and found a beautiful tire swing in their backyard but her husband shot him self in his throat.

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Q: Why did the cookie go to the dentist? A: Because he was dying of brain cancer.

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Johan showering. . . AWK

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the firefighter says to the other firefighter: hey firefighter, are we going to fight a fire?

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What did the guy say to the blonde? "You're a blonde."

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What did the little girl say to her step father? Please stop raping me

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whats the difference between a grape and an elephant? the grape is purple

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I was expecting something like that... Anyway, good you do not mind in particular, because that means I am just boring myself here, so, tell me something about yourself you don't tell people most.

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Guy- Wanna hear a joke about my dick? Nah, it's too long. Girl- Wanna hear a joke about my vagina? Nah, you'll never get it.

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What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

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What did Santa say to his elf? Nothing. Santa isn't real. Elves aren't either for that matter.

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whats red white and blue? i dont know

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School means: Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Lives

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Dear Reader I am writing to express my complete and utter disdain toward the subject of your face. Rarely have I to witness such a repugnant sight. I would like to inform you that, upon most regrettably witnessing your face, my delicate stomach muscles gave way, and my morning meal, of lightly buttered Kipper and freshly squeezed orange juice most unfortunately ended up in one of the seventeen human waste disposal outlets to adorn my manor house. I struggle to comprehend how you, being such a selfish sadist, are able to live with yourself, knowing how much dismay you have caused me. Might I suggest that you pay a visit to a prosthetic plastic surgeon, in order to prevent other innocent's to suffer as did I. I request politely, but please be firmly assured in the knowledge that I will complain to the magnificent force of the police should you not comply with my reasonable request. Your face simply can not be allowed to exist in it's current form. I would go so far to say that it may be a danger to the elder's of our society, with their regrettably weak hearts.

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Q:Why couldn't little Bobby read the bible? A: His parents weren't into religion and he was blind

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On a scale of one to 10, F*ck yourself.

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(Family sat down at table) *Child goes to start a story* - "I have a ginger friend.." Everyone bursts out laughing and leaves the child confused.

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What's the difference between Justin Bieber and R. Kelly? One is an arrogant asshole known for pissing on things, the other is R. Kelly.

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Pain is temporary. However, the scars from 3rd degree burns are forever.

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If life throws you melons, not only might you be dyslexic, but you are probably also uneducated, since the phrase is "if life gives you lemons".

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor Wheres my tractor?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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