What the diffrence between a jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven

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Wanna hear something funny? Sure. Okay,cool

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Is you refrigerator running? That's odd you should call the cops about that one!

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Getting raped by a giant scorpion.

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Why can't Ray Charles see his friends? He's blind. Also he is dead.

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What did the explorer say to the new species Oh look it says squirtle let's call it squirtle Oh look it say woof let's call it poochyena

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What's worse than a 15 year old getting hit by a car? Adam Johnson

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If these walls could talk - the public would pay large sums of money to see this marvel of science. On a more serious note, they might also tell the cops about the many dead hookers stowed within them.

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Q-What did the blonde say when I stomped on her toe? A: asdfsdflsdrfjkofweønaweøiofioawef, .Would you be ever so kind to move your foot as it is currently in a position of where it causes my nerves to send pain impulses to my brain. Thanks

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why did the dog go inside the church? cuz the door was open.

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When you are swimming across the ocean, and you lose your wheels, what's the difference between a duck? ... Because bananas have no bones.

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why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent

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A mama cow was sitting in the barn with her 3 babies. The first baby cow goes "Mom, why did you name me Daisy?" "Because a Daisy landed on your head when you were born" The second calf goes "Mom, why did you name me Rose?" "Because a Rose petal landed on your head when you where born." The third calf says "Aasdfghoiuytfghjkuiy" The mom replies "Shut up brick"

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How do you make a telemarketer scream? Set him on fire.

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What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

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A man walks into a bar... he is blind so it isn't funny

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Q: What did the kid with no arms get for christmas? A: A set of Legos

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Why did the insect play marco polo? It couldn't. Marco polo requires multiple players.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, It's none of my business.

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Why did the kitten cross the road? Because its owners abandoned it.

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What did one platypus say to the other? Whatever noise platypuses make. I'm not sure. I am sure that they lay eggs though.

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how did the bling man cross the street? He didn't half way there he tripped and got ran over by a car.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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