I have a horse.

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Knock knock

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You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't eat your friends Nose it is!

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what starts with P and ends with u-b-e-s? Paul, can you brang me some priangles and the rest of my Rubik's cubes?

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How do you stop a baby flying 100mph? a shovel

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? Nothing. He celebrates Kwanzaa.

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Women's rights.

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Q: What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A: A pilot you racist.

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Why did the kid hide under the table? There was an earthquake.

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If your uncle jack helped you off your horse, would you help your uncle jack off a horse? Yes

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Why was the panda sad? It's family died when China had an earthquake.

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How do u get Hitler out of a car? You open the door.

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What happens when you choke a smurf? It dies.

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My daughter got a kinder surprise with cool toy today..... i killed her i didnt even want the toy

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What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

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What's big, black, juicy, large, and succulent? A gourmet meatball.

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What do you do If you can't afford a hair cut? Don't get one.

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Why did my cat die? I drowned it in the bath.

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I just wrote three jokes on antijoke.com ... nope, make that four.

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Q: What did the farmer say when he coudn't find his tractor? A: "where's my tractor?"

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs in the ocean? Dead.

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Why couldn't the melons get married? As gay cantaloupes, their jurisdiction didn't allow for same-sex marriage.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head are trapped on a desert island together After many days without food, they resort to cannibalism. The blonde eats the brunette, and the red-head eats the blonde. The red-head eventually dies once the water supply runs out.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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