How do you keep a secret? Kill yourself.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock! Who's there? Not Sally.

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What does a blonde's vagina taste like? The same as her brain, cabbage

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I farted and it smells like rotten ham with melted cottage cheese now dislike this please.

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How do you get a dog to stop humping you? Pick him up and suck his dick.

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Why couldn't Paul see. He got stabbed in the eye by two mexicans

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Q: What do you get when you cross Rebecca Black and a day of the week. A: a stupid song called FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Knock Knock Who's there? Donald Trump Donald Trump who? I already told you my full name. You're fired!

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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I used to be an inventor, but I had other ideas.

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A woman walked into a bar at least that is what she tells her friends about how she got a blackeye.

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What did Grandma give little Ben for Christmas? Nothing.She died on Thanksgiving day.

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Two cows are in a field. One says to the other, "are you worried about this mad cow disease that's going around?" The other replies, "I'm not worried - I'm a squirrel."

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how do you get a cat out of a tree? with boomerangs

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Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? A:Pull the pin and throw it back

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What do a duck and a bike have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck.

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Roses are Green Violets are Black Everything's different since I took crack

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I liked your first album but I feel that it went downhill from there. There are a few good songs on your third album though.

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What did Chuck Testa do when he saw she had died of a heart attack? He cried and gave her a proper funeral and burial.

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Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I don’t know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

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Why did the young boy drop his bus. He was hit by an ice cream.

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How many Japanese people does it take to make a whirlpool? - None, because they're all dead.

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Roses are blue, Roses are red. Give me your money, Or I'll cut off your head.

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How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? None, any dog aware of the situation would kindly inform its owner.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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