Did you hear about the guy who had his head chopped off? He's dead.

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Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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what do you call an astrounaut in space? an astrounaut you racist bastard

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Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you." So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind." The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out! "The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.' The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.' "The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded! "So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.' "The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible. "The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'" The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.

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What did the boy eat for breakfast? Food

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What did the athiest get for christmas? Well he shouldn't get anything becuase he doesn't belive in jesus.

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What part of a vegetable are you not supposed to eat? His wheelchair.

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What's black and white and black and white and black and white? A chessboard.

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What does a man say to his annoying friend? Please stop annoying me now.

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Q: How many pandas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: I don't know.

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Did you hear about the guy who fed his dog his baby? No Oh

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Yarn

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A Jew, a Muslim and an atheist meet at the same bus station. A religious argument breaks out shortly and the three board their respective buses angry and upset. They were a really bad example of religious tolerance.

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How can you know your roommate is gay? His dick has the taste of shit

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What did the peanut say to the jelly

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A hermaphrodite walks into a bakery, orders an eclair, then leaves.

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Why do I write Anit-jokes. Because I'm very bad at delevering good punchlines. They generally fall flat.

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How do you stuff a giraffe into a refrigerator? You can't, giraffes are too big.

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If Selfish Sam has twelve cookies and Tricky Todd asks for three then how many cookies does sam have left? Twelve. Remember he's selfish

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because I hit her with a shovel.

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What do you call a blue bucket? A blue bucket. What do you call a red bucket? A blue bucket in disguise.

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Seriously tho, too much sex? I need to know dog.

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i hate it when people repeat the same jokes. i just hate it when people repeat the same jokes.

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What did the dog say to his own poop? You gonna eat that?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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