whats the diffrence between madeline macan and a submarine? there isnt one there both at the bottom of the sea and full of seaman

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A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game. She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand." "What did you not understand?" And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

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A mother had three kids: 1st kid- “Mom, why did you name me Daisy?” Mom- “Because when you were a baby a daisy fell on your head.” 2nd kid- “Mommy, why did you name me Rose?” Mom- “Because when you were a baby a rose fell on your head.” 3rd kid- “Blahblahblahflismdjsk” *makes retarded noises* Mom- “SHUT UP BRICK!”

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What do you call a nun who is just walking around? A Roman Catholic

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Your mother is so fat, she tried to suicide because she was unhappy with her weight. She tried a diet and it didn't work; she suffers from depression and went to see a doctor about her weight. Life is getting worse for your mother and she is starting to develop diabetes. Your relatives and cousins are going to the hospital to visit her sometime this week; the doctor says she only has about a week left before she passes away.

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What do short Mexicans do after a hot shower? Dry off with a towel like everyone else,

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A muslim gets on an airplane and takes his seat. The plane lands safely and he enjoys his vacation in Florida.

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I once heard a funny joke, it was as funny as a funeral

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Why did the elephant fall down? He was shot by poachers.

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what do you call one black man surrounded by ten white men.... A story teller

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How does an elephant climb a cliff who cares

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An ant tries to climb and sit on a tube. It couldn't. Do you get it? … I don't either.

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Have you heard the joke about the cat? No Are you kitten me

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What happened when my familys break on the car didn't work? They rolled down a hill and fell off a cliff and died. I loved them.

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my brother yells at me for singing in the shower so i scream "how can you hate from outside the tub when you cant even get in?"

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Why did Lucy have blond hair? Answer: Because both her parents had recessive hair traits.

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A muslim walks onto a plane. He goes to 13C as that is his seat designated on his ticket.

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What do you get when you cross bread an eagle, a wolf and shark together? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it will kill all of us!

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How do you confuse a bus driver? Go invisible and throw bananas at him

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Why were people laughing when Muhammad Ali signed autographs for his fans? He was making jokes regarding his Parkinson's syndrome in order to elevate an otherwise melancholy experience for the audience.

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Rosie are red velvet blue I made eggs just for you

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Why couldn't the dinosaur sing? Because dinosaurs are extinct

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Two blondes walk into a building......you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician who broke his calculator? He went to the shops and bought some laxatives and a new calculator.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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