knock knock come in!

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A fish walked into a bar. Actually it didn't, since fish can't walk.

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What is black, white and red all over? An interracial couple that has been shot and murdered.

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What did the convicted necrophiliac pedophile do when he found a dead baby? He reported it to the authorities because despite his past habits and behaviour, and after years of rehabilitation he became a responsible and considerate citizen

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Tony Blair, Micheal Jordan, Fabrice Muamba, Aunty Josephine, Nick Clegg, David Cameron, and myself all go out for drinks.

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Why were The Beatles so popular? People across the world enjoyed their music.

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Why did the boy cry Because he fell

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Ask me if im a tree Are you a tree? No

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Once upon a time a homeless man was walking down the street. He stopped suddenly and realized he didn't know how to read. So he walked to the library to find someone to teach him. A woman was sitting at one of the tables so the homeless man walked up to her and asked, "Can you teach me how to read?" The woman stared at the homeless man for a few moments. Then she replied to him saying, "Not until you take a bath." Realizing that he smelled awful and that his face was covered in dirt he nodded towards the woman and left to go find a shower house. The homeless man came upon a hotel and asked the receptionist, "Excuse me sir, may I take a shower here?" The receptionist gave the man a long hard look and said, "Not until you find a better set of clothes." The homeless man looked at himself and saw that his clothes were quite old and worn out so he left the hotel to find a clothing store. He finds a clothing store and asks an employee, "Sir, may I have a new shirt, pants, socks, shoes and a pair of underwear?" The employee quickly said in reply, "Not until you pay for them." The homeless man remembered that he indeed was poor and didn't have a penny to his name. So then he walks out of the store to go find a job and make some money. He happens across a storage facility moving many heavy boxes. He walks up to the supervisor and asks, "Pardon me sir, do you need any help with moving these boxes? If you can pay me a few dollars I will help you." The supervisor said to him, "Sure, start moving them to that unit in the corner there. So the homeless man worked until dusk, made $55 dollars, went back to the clothes store, bought new clothes, waked back to the hotel and took a shower, and finally walked over to the library where the woman was still sitting and learned how to read. He walked out of the library feeling accomplished and full of pride. Unfortunately he wasn't paying attention to where he was walking. He slipped on the curb into traffic and was hit by a car, dying on impact.

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What do you get when you cross a lamb and a pigeon? You get your house taken away.

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How do you get your dog to stop peeing on the floor? SHOOT IT!!!

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How do you make the queen of england cry? You rape her violently.

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Q: What did the angry German man say to the Ameican? A: I dont know, I can't speak German!

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Question: What do you call a Black person who cooks food at a fried chicken restaurant? Answer: A chef

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"Almost as accidental as your spelling I'm afraid." -...

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What shouldn't you say to a dementia patient? You already said that.

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You know what happens when you assume? You make a judgment based on incomplete information.

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A blonde heard that 90% of all crimes occur within a one-mile radius of the home, so she had a security alarm installed.

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Lil Wayne's song 6 foot 7 foot was named after my wewe

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Why was timmy in the well? He had autism.

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Wanna hear a really dirty joke the boy fell in the mud

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every time I stay in the water too long my pp gets all shriverly sometimes can't find it omg that's so weird

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Why did little Bobby put a firecracker in the dog's ass? Don't worry he used lube.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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