Why didn't the boy eat his vegetables? he was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do Germans treat the Jewish? Kindly, and with much hospitality.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

How do you kill a retard? you shoot him in the head

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's brown and sticky? -A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

why do you put a baby in the blender feet first to see its expression

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the cashier let the jockey off 10 cents? because he was short 10 cents

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A horse walks into a bar. It trips over a barstool, breaks it's leg, and is butchered and turned into canned dog food.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

did you hear about the man who crossed the road? he made it.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How do you fit 3 squirtles two bulbasors and a charmander in a smart car You poke em on

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How did the blonde die? She got slurped up by a 1,000-foot anteater. How did the 1,000-foot anteater die? He got slurped up a 10,000 foot anteatereater. How did the 10,000 foot anteatereater die? It doesn't matter. The Earth just got slurped up by a one-trillion-foot planeteater.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog

thumb_up thumb_down +12

a potato a chicken and a rooster ate a cat and you just wasted your time

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why can't Anne Frank drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's the difference between an ant and a dinosaur? They are both birds, apart from the ant and the dinosaur

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock Knock! "Use the friggin' doorbell!"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why did the boy get hit by a bus? because he was black

thumb_up thumb_down -7

what's yellow and hovers? a yellow hovercraft.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What has eyes but can not see, and rolls everywhere it goes? A man who fought for your freedom and lost both his eyesight and legs in doing so. Have some respect.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the kid lose his mom? She was shot.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

have you seen ray charles' house? neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops