Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How did the dead baby cross the road? stapled to the chickens foot.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why do birds fly south in winter? Because its too far to go walking.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's black and white and red all over? Nothing, becuse if something is red all over it cannot be black nor white.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Me: You know what's funnier than 24. Friend: 25? Me: No, 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Last week, one of my ex girlfriends called me. She said she had to tell me some bad news. "I don't know how to tell you this but I have AIDS. I really didn't know how to reply to that so I said the only thing I could say. "Yeah, I know."

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: How did Whitney Houston die? A: Who?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was the asian boy abused? He got an B in math

thumb_up thumb_down -20

If a quiz is also referred to as a quizzicle, then what is a test also referred to as? A test, really. There are no synonyms for 'test' which would result in a humorous punchline; 'exam,' 'essay' and 'evaluation' are the closest possible answers and none of them provide humor at all.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did the mother say to her baby? These little piggies taste good!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the business man say to the homeless person? Get a job

thumb_up thumb_down +15

The sun was burning as the Elephant offered the mouse to walk between the sun and the mouse so the mouse could get some shade. Mouse: Lets switch places so you can have some shade too! Elephant: Good idea! Just then unexpectedly the elephant slipped on a banana peel and tilted towards the mouse. Squish. Moral: The reason they never tell kids the full story... for real.. honest...

thumb_up thumb_down -106

If chuck Norris is so awesome how come he's not at my house slamming my face into the keybodhdtegdudgegdtdjaowpqhwvsmx vxbdnsksksh

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What was the last thing the clown said to his wife before she died? Rebecca, just stay with me, the ambulance is almost here.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

How do you say a bad word in your language? Like this: "A bad word in your language"

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Mary had a little lamb, its heart was black as coal, it crept into her room one night and ate her f***ing soul

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Where did little susie go during the explosion? Everywhere :) What color were her eyes? Blue. One blew this way and one blew the other way. :p Knock, knock Who's there? Not susie :)

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A blind man asked me out last night. I told him I was seeing someone...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do a grape and a reindeer have in common? They're both purple, except the reindeer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the skeleton stay home from the party He was buried in a coffin underground and, as a matter of fact, wasn't actually invited

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Knock knock. Who's there? FedEx. FedEx who? Just kidding, it's hookers.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops