Fact: When you die, you can't eat ice cream!

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What is worse than finding an apple in you worm? Biting into an apple and finding 2 worms

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. The police catch them, and they are sentenced to jail.

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im a dragon, no im not

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What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

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Why are Pine trees green? Because light reflects at different wavelengths, and the chlorophyll, found in chloroplasts, being abundant in the needles of pine trees, Reflect the correct wavelength for green.

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How did the man eat 100 mints in one bite? I'm not sure myself, but we can agree on one thing, his breath is gonna fresh.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Because he thought it was a game.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because in between 6 and 7 there used to be the number § but 7 raped and murdered it.

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Why did the gay guy walk into a straight bar To find the better looking guys

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A Sodium atom walks into a bar. A Chlorine atom bumps into it, taking the electron, then making a bond. Suddenly, the police come in. They arrest the Chlorine atom, of course, but they also arrest the Sodium atom. He says, "what did I do?" The policemen say, "you're too ugly to be out in public."

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What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

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What do a grape and a reindeer have in common? They're both purple, except the reindeer.

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I walked into a bar and it hurt because it was metal

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Why did the midget cross the road? He needed to buy a ladder

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Q: What did the first kid say to the second kid before he handed him a pencil? A: May I have a pencil?

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life is like a rapist. sometimes they're nice other times, they ram you in the ass.

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Guess what I saw... Wood, I'm a carpenter.

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What did the golfer do on his vacation? He played golf.

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What is the opposite of pro? Con right? So what's the opposite of progress? Congress

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A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

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Why couldn't Jimmy ride his bike? His family had to sell it in order to put food on the table

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse replies "My wife is dying of terminal cancer."

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If you are what you eat, then imagine a prostitute.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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