Your mom's so fat that she is going to contract heart disease by age 30.

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So this guy is waiting for a heart transplant. He dies.

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If yesterday was friday, today is saturday, what day is it tomorrow? sunday

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What's worse than stepping on legos? Massive genocide

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Anyone reading this I'm not writing anything Kevin

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Why did the black guy cross the street? Because his master ordered him to

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Knock Knock Nobody answered because the people in the house were away.

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What brown and squishy? um um um um melted kit-kats

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Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangeroot ? Ones a marsupial. The others a Geordie stuck in a lift.

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-Knock Knock -Who is it? -Your father, i forgot my keys.

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Whats worse than one bee? Two bees. Whats worse than two bees? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Three bees.

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What's the best time to visit a dentist? Generally every six months or so.

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Did you hear about the human cannonball who lost his job? Circus attendance is on the decline, as people are spending less money on entertainment, due to a slow economy and poor consumer confidence. Because the circus owners paid him under the table, he did not qualify for unemployment and was force to take a job at Hardies. He has a drinking problem and suffers from depression.

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A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

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There were 3 women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were driving with a gorilla when suddenly the car crashed. All the women died but only the gorilla survived. The police investigated with the gorilla and did some simple sign language. The police, using hand motions, asked the gorilla what each individual female was doing before the car crashed. The gorilla ran away for reasons unknown.

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I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus, the divorce papers were filed soon thereafter.

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Two muffins are in an oven. Although they both possess the extraordinary ability to speak, strangely each remains silent, apparently lost in their own thoughts. Thus nobody has any reason to think they are any different than any other muffins. Later after they've been baked and allowed to cool, they are sold to a woman who eats them along with a small salad. She enjoys their chewy, hearty texture, and lightly sweet taste. She is completely unaware of what amazing discovery has just been lost to science.

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What's small, white, and it killed Bruce Lee? Aspirin.

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How did the man rob the bank? With a gun

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If you want to make the little things count, teach midgets maths!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, Others dont

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Why was Jimmy so upset? Because both of his parents died.

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How did the black man get a new television? He worked hard and put away a small percentage of his weekly wage in order to save for this new addition to his household.

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Why did the man cross the road? He was in a state of depression and chose to commit suicide.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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