What do you call cheese that's not yours? Someone else's cheese.

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What's the sound of victory? The sound of a knife cutting into a baby.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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What is more tragic than a nice day wasted? Obesity.

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What is blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint!

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Dont be silly, you know that everything is relative, and that relativity is as unlimited as the subconscious mind, give me ten more minutes, and I can hypnotize you in five minutes in order to see life in slow motion yourself for as long as you feel like. Just dont expect your body to adjust like mine, meaning that if you try to run, your brain will use its old habits while your perception is used to the slow ones... In other words, you will end up on the floor or smacking into a wall.

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Why does this dog have herpes? Global Warming.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Ram My Penis Into Ram My Penis Into Who? Me.

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What's worse than an empty bottle of Yoohoo? Literally nothing.

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What's a golfer's favorite sandwich? Well, it depends on the golfer

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Is you refrigerator running? That's odd you should call the cops about that one!

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Teacher:What is the outer layer of a tree? Dog:Bark. Teacher: What is the square root of 69? Dog:8.30662386

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Why did the old lady but her Jelly In her roller skates and dress them up like a doll? She has Dementia

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S.O.P.A

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You want to know what is worse than having a teen parent? Being a teen parent.

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There are four types of people in this world. I never said I would name them all

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What happened? I have absolutely no idea.

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Where do cows go on the weekend? The slaughterhouse.

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Humpty Dumpty didn't fall I pushed him

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Q: Why didn't the chicken cross the road. A: because he's a chicken?

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So a black man walked into a bar and ordered a drink. He payed for the drink and couldn't have been more courteous

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What do you call a lettuce named Andrew? Andrew.

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Why did the man throw the clock out the window? The man's loving family had recently been murdered, and the clock was a constant reminder of their mortality, as it had served as the center of those horrific events.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops