Two men sit down at a bar. First man: I hear you're having a baby! Second man: My wife had a miscarriage. First man: Oh.... The talking ceased

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How many no-armed amputees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you call a man with no arms or legs after he got into a fight with his cat? You call him by his name and apologize for leaving catnip on his head.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a kid with a peg leg and an eye patch? Names

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How are you supposed to breath with no air? um jorden sparks you dont?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is the answer to the universe? I would tell you but you would get board.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you get when Chuck Norris meets Chuck Norris? A bad joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

You wanna know something that's totally out of this world? The moon

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what is black and white and red all over.....a nun being murdered

thumb_up thumb_down +15

You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

So one day a man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink. He said he would like a glass of water. The bartender said "why come all the way to a bar just to get some water." The man responded "well its a longer walk to the coffee shop."

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers have no feelings.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the carrot say when he was Chopped. Auch.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

If I lock you in a room and let a snake in under the door, what do you get? A problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why couldn't the boy ride his bike? He had no legs. Why didn't he have any legs? He was hit by a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Don't rape me!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q:what has legs but may never walk? A: a table

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the cow die? Because we need meat

thumb_up thumb_down +11

onranges are orange bananas are yellow and apples are red/green ................... and im ................. PINK (lw/kc)

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? You set her on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When life gives you lemons,you say thank you.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops