Why were my arms so tired after I flew in from the coast? Because the stewardess, god rest her soul, failed to latch the door securely.

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How did the old man die? He was shot after eating a rather large watermelon while skydiving out of a helicopter, boob fighting 5 toddlers.

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there are two muffins in an oven one muffin says "whoa, its hot in here!" the other says nothing, because it is a muffin, and the other muffin, in reality, said nothing either.

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what did the black guy ge for christmas? a speeding ticket

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Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he is no longer alive.

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Why didn't the 1 month old chicken cross the road? Because by that time it's already a Mcnugget.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? it was thrown

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Joey: hey bobby who you talking to? Bobby: oh yeah I forgot to tell you your mom died.

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A hard-working man, in his early forties with slightly graying hair, arrives to work earlier every day. He values integrity and dedication. His loving wife is proud of his accomplishments and her favorite part of the day is when he arrives home from a day at the office. He is close friends with the Director of HR, because he believes that we all should be respected and treated fairly on the job. Today, there is a board meeting, which he prepared for extensively, because he cares deeply about what happens to this great company. His boss greets him after the meeting is done and says, "Great job, that presentation was even better than yours usually are." It was a very long meeting, so they both end up going to the Men's Room. What does he say when his boss corners him near the urinals and demands sex? Nothing. He doesn't like to talk during sex.

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Three guys walk into a bar: a Priest, a rapist, and a pedophile...and two other guys

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Knock knock, Who's there? Justin Bieber, LEAVE!

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Why was the protester on the floor? Because the protest had become a riot, and police brutality is a serious issue.

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How do you starve a black man? Take away his current food stocks, and means of income.

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What did the strawberry say to the elephant? Nothing. Because it's a strawberry and strawberries can't talk.

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What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? A school bus after a horrible traffic accident.

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Two bars walk into a guy, and the bartender says, "You're telling the joke wrong, stupid!"

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A Mexican, Asian, and a black guy are on a bridge, the Mexican says there is too much rice and throws some off the bridge, the Asian says there are too many burritos and throw some off the bridge, the Black says there are too many candles in his house and throws his car off the bridge. Everyone was happy and left besides the Black because he threw his car off.

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Q: what's red and blue and covered in piss? A: everything. I'm so sorry.

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Why did the short man fall down the stairs? He got shot in the face with an assault rifle.

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay in unimportant.

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What did the paraplegic say when he walked? Nothing, paraplegics can't walk.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas many gift card to stores he liked

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What did the big Chimney say to the little Chimney? Nothing they are chimneys ....

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You grand mothers so old she going to die soon.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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