What do you get when you stab a six year old with a pair of scissors and a machete? A very angry, potentially murderous mother out for revenge.

what did the guy say when he lost his sandwich? wheres my sandwich?

What do you call Mexicans who go to jail? Criminals.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs at night? An experimental animal mutilated then exposed to radiation.

Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

A man walks into a bar. Three hours later, ambulances arrived, because the man was knocked out. The man who saved was known as a hero, and was awarded a medal for his good deed.

What did the black man get for Christmas? A felony conviction.

A squirrel asks an apple where is the nearest gas station. The apple doesn't reply.

What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a mustang? I don't have a mustang in my garage..

why did Timmy fall off the the slide? he was hit by a plane why was Jimmy laughing? he watched Timmy get hit by the plane

What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp.

Why did the Mexican man grow a mustache? It wasn't his choice. Men naturally grow facial hair and he ran out of razors.

How are leprechauns and lions similar? The both start with L.

Why couldn't the boy watch the DVD about pirates? Because his mother did not understand the importance of putting the disc back in it's case after use, and as a result, has become too damaged for the DVD Player to play.

Why did the chiken cross the road? It didn't, J-walking is against the law.

There are two men on a dock. The first man says, "What's your name?" The second man says, "GET OFF!" because he has turrets.

What did the caterpillar say to the robot? Nothing. Caterpillars do not have vocal chords and there are not, as yet, any truly portable robots capable of comprehending speech so to speak to one would be pointless.

When life hands you lemons you can't make lemonade, Sugar and Water are two other key ingredients that were not included with the lemons.

What did the black man say to the white man when the white man was drunk and naked on the roof dancing? Quit fucking around Brad and get off my roof or I'm calling the police because this is the third time this month.

Hamsters are a lot like cigarettes. They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

Why did the black man get arrested? He didn't pay child support for his 12 bastard children

What kind of Juice do White supremacists Hate the most? Minute Maid.

Whats big and blue and white and if it falls from a tree its sure to kill you. A fridge with a denim jacket on.

Knock knock Who's there? Dave, I've got a fucking gun. Let me the fuck in.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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