how do you stop a baby from crying? Slit its throat

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they say a rolling stone gathers... speed until it reaches maximum potential speed and cannot go any faster.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your mom. Just kidding, it's the pizza guy. Pizza guy who?

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Whats the best part about having sex with 25 year olds? There 20 of them.

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My Nan, that is all.

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What Did The Ocean Say To The Other Ocean? What? Nothing, They Just Waved. Oh. Did You Sea What I Did There? No. I'm Shore You Did.

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how did superman die? he got cought in a plane engine!

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I just had major Deja Vu... Cool, Brett. No one cares.

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What`s the difference between a dead baby and a pencil? I don`t keep a pencil in my backpack

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What kind of mother doesn't do laundry? A dead one.

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What did the man say when he lost his car? Where the fuck did my car go

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Only people of high intelligence can laugh at anti jokes.

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If a tree falls on a deaf person, does anyone care?

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About numbers, it was 180 mg of valium... And I am going to live becausepeople got there in time, my heart never stopped because luck, the doc was only making a joke about me "having ingested enough valium to die at least twice". Sanders, I just got your girlfriend to agree to a threesome, if my banana ever wakes up again, AND WHEN... Thou areth forgiven, btw I sent him a picture of Line`s unshaved vagina, and a note stating: U recognize this? Find out more on horsehead network! Meh His name is Anders something Chattington, yeah for all that know him, guess whose finger is on her unshaven... Yeah, maybe you should not have messed with a guy that can have ANYONE. Ps: Then its your mother, then your sister which is 17 (and pretty 16 is legal here so fuck you Chatty!) and then I SHALL STRIKE THY WITH THE VENGEANCE OF A THOUSAND SUNS! Because you are forgiven, which I cant even remember what means, I mean I know I am typing my experiences here, but thats only because I remember by muscle memory where the buttons are, said the doctor... I can still play Snes emulators... Not, because my numb fingers cant click anything and Line is gone. I TOUCHED HER ALREADY YA KNO! YOU SAW THE PIC, My skin is tan, and... well you know she is here... The best part? She is totally okay with you knowing, sayonara pal, id watch the "fluor" in your mothers pussy the next time you eat it!

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- Knock Knock. - Who is it? - I am - I am what? - I am dying please help me. - Sorry, I don't speak with strangers.

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What did the Amazonian tribesman say to the European explorer? Nothing, he was focussing on eating him.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.

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who do you call when you see a ghost in your apartment? The Mental Hospital.

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http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2008/04/Deer_mating2.jpg

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What did the mom tell her son who she caught masticating loudly? "Do it with your mouth closed!"

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Yo momma so fat, when she walks she wakes the dead -Ryan Vallee

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Q: whats white and smells like shit A: my ass

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noah is a scrub jungle

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Guy 1: Why does it smell like a wet dog? Guy 2: Because I smell like a wet dog

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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