What should you never give to your friends as a wedding present? An old plastic bag full of rubbish.

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Why was the boy cold? Because he couldn't afford clothing.

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If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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Why did Teddy eat dirt? Because he was hungry.

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Me: Wanna play a game of red light and as I get closer to you, you get to call red light?? girl: Yea! okay, go! girl: green light!! Me: Sorry, firetrucks don't stop for red lights

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This is a shovels and rakes conversation. No hoes allowed.

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You heard now that you can not only bet safe at net casinos, but also win safely? Win safely? The hell does that mean? You mean you could win unsafely before? Like the betting casino crashing after you win a million? Moral: That crap is even less moral than I am ffs! Now they give you like 5000 game bucks free just to get you addicted.

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What is red and has wheels? Grass, I lied about it being red and having wheels.

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If life give you lemons, throw them at people.

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Where's my baby??

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What did the ocean say the other ocean? Nothing, bodies of water are incapable of speech.

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roses are blue, violets are red. I am color blind

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Why did Stephen hawking walk into A bar? He didn't. This situation is impossible considering the fact that he suffers from a horrible condition causing terrible muscular paralysis preventing him from walking.

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Why did the rooster cross the road? To go play with the other roosters.

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -None, they will pay for somebody else to do it

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What is better than a Beer? Two Beers.

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What do a grape and an airplane have in common? They both have wings! except not the grape.

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God told John to come forth and recieve internal golry forever. John came fifth and recieved a toaster.

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Two cows are out in a field grazing. One falls over and dies because it was unhealthy and was ravaged with a deadly disease. The other cow, which does not understand death, continues to graze until the farmer moves it back to the barn.

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If you're American when you go into the bathroom and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? Magic.

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Women can vote? WTF

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Why did the vagina smell so bad? Because it had yeast infection.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because on the other side of the road people don't question his motives

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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