How many Babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them

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Evil Witch: Hey Snow White, want an apple. Snow White: No thank you, I just ate, I'm good. Evil Witch: But its good! Snow White: No thanks, I'm good! Evil Witch: Ill put caramel on it!! Snow White: NO THANKS! Evil Witch: FINE!! The Evil Witch then pulled out an AK - 47 and violently murdered Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was an animal with a small brain and could not comprehend the situation.

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Why did the boy run a marathon? because one of his good friends had just earlier passed away from pancreatic cancer and he decided to honor his memory by raising money through a 5k run. His family, friends and acquantances were all very proud of him and decided to hold the charity every year.

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awkies when jamie and jacob hook up, and u have to tell the dog..i maen danni that this has been going on for 2 months

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What's small, black and at the top of a burning building? Oh shit - I forgot my baby

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A man walked in the kitchen with a gun. He made a sandwich.

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How do you stop a bus? You try to wave down the bus driver, they're usually nice people who will stop for you if you put in some effort and act appreciative.

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Periods are red, waffles are blue, some poems rhym, this one doesn't.

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

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What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me i'm going in.

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Why was Cinderella so bad at ball? Isn't that sexist, making assumptions about Cinderella's sports capability when you have never seen her play sports before (because she is a fictional character) and then asking why this is true when you have no proof that it is in fact true? But I would guess the correct answer is (if she is bad at ball in the first place) that she never played ball before. Think about it. Why did you have to ask this question at all? Isn't it obvious?

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Why did the man have sex with other men? Because he was homosexual.

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Hi, how are you doing? Good, yourself? Fine, thanks. Have a nice day. You too, bye.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your mother. Please open the door. Your mother who? You were adopted.

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What was Hellen Keller's favorite color? Velcro.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? He said : "where's my tractor?!"

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The good part of "Age" of Ultron? THANOS REIGNS! Disagree? Just leave the green thumb and fuck off!

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Little molly says she wants to have a baby when she grows up because her little baby brother died of ta-sacs 6 months after birth.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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Two muffins are in an oven. Neither of them talk due to the fact that they are muffins and are inanimate, therefore denying them the ability to talk.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Physics. Why did Tommy fall of his bike? He was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator.

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- Knock Knock!! - whos there? - KGB - KGB wh........... *slap* - vwe vwill ask the questions!!!!!!! - Knock Knock!! - whos there? - KGB - Mom the KGB is here again....... - i dont care just answer the damn door - 5 seconds later nobody answers the door....... u here a crash and all of a sudden big men run in with guns - one comes over and slaps the mother while he continues to say " the KGB vwill vwait for no one!!!!!" - every body in the house is shot and and the KGB goees on to tlive normal lives........ for the KGB

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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