Why didn't the boy want to go to school? Because it was 3am.

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What more fun than a barrel full of monkeys? A barrel of dead babies

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what happens when you try to believe it's not butter? 34 Indonesian kids lose their job.

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Joe has 30 candy bars and eats 25. What does john have now? DIABETIES. Joe has diabeties. Please comment!!!!!!!

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What can you tell by a black guy who walks into a bank with a ski mask on? His face was severely disfigured in a horrific accident.

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Why did Hitler Commit suicide? Because he was completely depressed and overwhelmed by the fact he had lost World War II.

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how many people does it take to change a light bulb....... none..................its stilll bright

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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What did the kid with no arms get for his birthday? A sock puppet.

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What's heed and has wheels? Your mom.

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Have you heard about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problems out with a pencil... It was a #2 pencil

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What would you do if Spider Man gave you super powers like his? Nothing. Spider Man is not real therefore you are most likely dreaming and need to wake up soon.

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How do you cause ultimate pain to a imprisoned Jew during the holocaust? Moral: You give him an apple WITH a worm in it.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender said "why the long face?" The horse then panicked, and feeling threatened, it kicked the bartender with its hind legs and galloped out of the bar. A civilian took immediate control of the situation and dialed the number for animal control, who arrived shortly and tranquilized the deer and put it back in its natural habitat. Don't worry, that didn't actually happen

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how do you confuse a blonde? ask if she wants a cake...then rape her

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Cyrus: Can you dig it?! Phil: I can feel it calling in the air tonite……..oh lord

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Q: How did the man walk across the road? A: With his own 2 feet!

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Why did the doctor not make it to his appointment in time? Because he died in 9/11!

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Q: What are the best kind of jokes? A: The funny ones.

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I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through.

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Why did the ginger go to hell? Because after all the bullying she endured for her hair color, she felt her only option was to commit suicide.

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Rap. Skate. Smoke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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