A man went to his doctor and said, "Doctor, every time I hit my hand with a hammer, it hurts!" Then both him and his doctor died; so it didn't matter.

What's better than wining the para Olympics? Wining the Olympics.

What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

What do you get when you cross a Minotaur with a snowman? A cold mythological creature.

Q: What did osama bin laden say to the worker behind the gas station counter? A: May I buy this bag of chips?

You grand mothers so old she going to die soon.

"HEY DUMB FU** THIS STUFF IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY!!!" SAID SIMON COWELL!!!

So there is the standard english class with groups of different people. You got the nerds, lads, violent ones etc. Now the kids are doing a standard pop quiz. The nerd is next to the violent kid. The violent kid asks the teacher if he can go to the toilet. Everyone is nervous as it was based from last year's work which they haven't studied for. He then stabs the nerd in the neck multiple times and finishes his test.

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Why didn't the new baseball cap fit little Tommy? Because Tommy was decapitated

Ask me if I'm on a horse. Are you on a horse? Yes, are you on a horse? No. Oh...

Q:Whats yellow and on the floor in the bathroom? A: A Rubber Ducky

Yo mama's so ugly, one day she looked in the mirror and her face was a wreck. Later that day she committed suicide.

Q:what do u call a dead baby tied to my feet? A:new shoes

Knock Knock Who's There? Poop. Poop who? HAHAHAHAHAHA you said poopoo

2 biggest lies I have read and agree to the Terms of Service - View Terms of Service and That baby dont look like me

What did the homeless man buy with a dollar? Nothing. He didn't have a dollar.

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What do you call a Welshman with a stick up his arse? A very odd man

Q: What do you call a serial killer named Mark? A: Mark.

What's the difference between the NBA and the WNBA? What's the WNBA?

How do you save stop your soulmate from dying of cancer? Shoot them on the head.

curtis campbell has no ear lobes so he bought some milk and drank it with his cereal.

How many babys does it take to paint a wall red? 7 and 24 paint brushes cause babys need do overs

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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