How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

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3 Men walk into a bar, they all order up a drink. And then they paid their tabs and left.

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Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

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Stephen Hawking is so paranoid, always looking over his shoulder.

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what smells like red paint, looks like red paint and is called red paint? A pear, i lied about everything i just said

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What do you call a black man on the moon?? Never going to happen

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Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? No, we can't.

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Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the bird.

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roses are red, violets are blue, Hitler killed 6.6 million jews.

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A man walks into a bar. Splash.

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Knock, knock who's there? Not your Dad, because he left and created a better family.

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roses are red, violets are blue, im a bad poet, text me. LMFAO

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What's the correct way to eat spaghetti? Put it in your mouth.

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A baby seal walks into a club. It is eventually beaten to death and eaten.

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Three friends were walking to school, they all looked in front of them and ran away. What did they see? A 200 ft dragon eating their school.

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What's the difference between an anti-joke and a joke? The anti-Joke isn't a freaking joke. So stop freaking doing it!

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1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

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What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

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In soviet Russia...things are different

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what do you call a cat that cant meow? Charlie Sheen.

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What is small, red all over and gets shorter by the second? A baby cutting its hair with a potato peeler

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"What's black when clean, but white when dirty?" "A blackboard."

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An Aussie, American and Englishman were all drinking beer on a plane to Hawaii. All 3 of them were very excited for their vaction, which they all saved hard for and their breaks from work were well deserved.

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What is the funniest shirt Emil heskey has ever worn? A shirt that had this joke on it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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