knock knock whose there? banana? banana who? im sorry but you have to go to the doctor now.......

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why didn't Fred answer his phone? Because Fred is a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

your in court a woman police officer says anything you say can and will be held against you. the man replies titty

thumb_up thumb_down +19

who do you call when you see a ghost in your apartment? The Mental Hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A leper sees that a woman has dropped a bag of groceries on the sidewalk. "Hey ma'am, can I give you a HAND?" asks the leper. "No thank you, sir. I can manage." replies the woman. "That's a relief," laughs the leper, shyly. "I am quite weak due to leprocy."

thumb_up thumb_down +19

If you go to a restaurant and you have more food on your plate then someone who is obese, you KNOW you have too much food.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How many kleptomaniacs does t take to screw in a lightbulb? What lightbulb?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you do if a goose comes flying towards you? Duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

-I have an idea! Let's play twenty questions! -Alright! But i have to warn u I have piss running down my leg

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A good way to remember which one is Beavis and which one is Butthead is to remember the acronym "Baby Blues." B in baby stands for Beavis, and b in blues stands for Butthead. You're welcome.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A black man and a white man were both pulled over for street racing. They both were also found to be drunk driving. Only the black man was arrested. It turns out the black man had just massacred an entire Amish village before going street racing to celebrate.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the black man drink on a hot summer day? Some water, it quickly replenished the liquids he was perspiring do to the temperature being sufficiently hotter than his body temperature

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Nineteen terrorists walk into three airports. Several hours later, thousands of people are dead sending the world into a state of emergency that subsequently changed how we live our current lives under the constant threat of both government oppression and extremist terrorism.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the boy cry? His Parents died.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A: What's that on your shoulder? B: A birthmark. A: How long have you had it? B: Don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

"Knock knock." "Come in."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.... I hate your guts.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the moose cross the road? Migration.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man walks into a bar. He is now passed out on the ground. (TD)

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What goes in dry and comes out wet Gum

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what happened when Bob told a joke? Joe laughed.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's harder to pick up, a football or an anvil? It doesn't matter when you lost your fingers in 'nam.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's. Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops