- Anti Joke

How many babies does it take to cover a roof? Depends on how thinly you slice them.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

What happened to the girl who got an abortion? She got an infection.

What is one similarity between John Samos, and the dreadful clown? they have a red nose and are payed to be funny, aside from John Samos!

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What happened to the homeless man at midnight? He took a shit on the ground

Roses are red, Violets are red, Daisies are red, OH SHIT! MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!!!

You know what he said? How did you know what he said?

why did suzie fall of the swings? because she had no arms.

What do you call Metta World Peace after he has hit somebody? Metta World War.

How do you make a lawyer cry? You can't. The production of tears requires a soul, which, regretfully, no lawyer possesses.

Why did the chicken cross the playground? Thats what she said

why did the black man drink grape kool-aid kool-aid refreshed him after a hard days work out in the field picking cotton

Did you hear about that anthony weiner guy. He is very depressed, and your mother has cancer.

Roses are red, Facebook is blue, we have mutual friends, and violets are blue and roses are red. FRIDGE

what did the thief say to the man that lost his car? i stole your car.

what did the apple say to the orange? -- NOTHING! APPLES DO NOT TALK!

who can be more evil than the person who hit my nuts. Adolf Hitler.

What do you call a Mexican in the sand? A churro! (not trying to be racist, I'm even Mexican)

Knock Knock? Why did you just say knock knock just ring the doorbell

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The first line is spelled wrong, Ha, I tricked you

There's a 4 door kayak going down the street and it loses a wing. How many doughnuts fit in a dog house? And remember its not yellow, because snakes don't have armpits.

Q: Wanna hear a dirty joke? A: A kid fell in the mud.

What's Worse Than Falling Over? .......Rape.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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