A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What happened to the girl who got an abortion? She got an infection.

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What is one similarity between John Samos, and the dreadful clown? they have a red nose and are payed to be funny, aside from John Samos!

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He is promptly arrested for sexual harassment.

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Did you hear about that anthony weiner guy. He is very depressed, and your mother has cancer.

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what happens when you try to believe it's not butter? 34 Indonesian kids lose their job.

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roses are red violets are blue ill keep u in my heart forever and ower baby to

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Why didn't the black kid get anything for Christmas? His family was Jewish.

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Q: What's the difference between an Indian and a Trampoline. A: You take your shoes off to jump on a Trampoline.

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What is striped black and white? A prisoner in jail arrested for the murder and rape of a 7 year old child.

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What do you tell a woman who claims that she is going to yell "fire" in a crowded movie theater? That doing so could result in serious injuries or even death, and that she would be wise to reconsider her future options, as she could be held responsible for any and all problems that arise.

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Knock Knock. Come in.

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What's the difference between my dog and my wife? I respect my dog.

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q. why did the guy forget what he did at the paty last night? a. because he had short term memory loss

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Three men are on a plane (note this is a low altitude plane) they're are going on they're 2nd grizzly bear hunting trip in Alaska. they crash into a mountain and all die. except the pilot. he left the wreckage and died from the freezing temperatures of an Alaskan winter.

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Which is worse, 9/11 or the holocaust? Biting into an apple and finding a worm.

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Roses are brown I likes clouds This joke isn't funny so don't laugh

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How many blond girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, it is a faily simple task

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want more?

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When is the best time to wear a striped sweater? All the time.

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What is stupid and looks like you? You.

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Why did the girl scream at old people? She had turrets. www.youtube.com/LouisGames www.twitch.tv/KiLM_Ghostz

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Why did the guy run out of the whorehouse? Because when she spread her legs it looked like she was pulling apart a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

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what did the thief say to the man that lost his car? i stole your car.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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