Q: How do you make an onion cry? A: You can't, it's an onion.

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Why did the Mexican sneak across the US border? There aren't many good jobs for him in Mexico, and with the cost of living in his small village, he will be able to provide for his entire family of seven on just minimum wage in California. He will miss his family terribly while he is away from them, but he believes it is worth it in the end. Once he saves enough, he will pay the coyotes to smuggle the rest of his family over so they can be together again. Hopefully none of them will die on the journey.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Why do they call Jean a redneck? Because her neck was red from being in the sun for so long.

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Why can't black people swim? Because there are sharks in the lake.

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What's worse than homework? A basket full of mutilated puppies....

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Why did the Mexican get arrested? Because he crossed the border.

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What's black and white and red all over and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a spear through her back

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Why does mcguigan get made fun of ? Because he is gay with Jack Walsh

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What did the father give to his son with terminal cancer for his 5th birthday? Nothing the kids going to die anyway

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What do you get when you cross a vampire and Adolf Hitler? A socially unacceptable and awkward hybrid of two unrelated, technically dead things.

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I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I also happen suffer from multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia refers to separation of mental functions, manifesting in anti-social behavior and delusions, and is unrelated to the separate disorder of dissociative identity disorder, popularly known as multiple personality disorder, characterized by at least two distinct and enduring identities and dissociated personality states. Both are crippling to normal behavior and function due to lack of public awareness and funding. Now get out of our ghost train or we'll cut you.

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy had cancer.

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer, the bartender quickly takes out a shot gun and shoots the horse because he is secretly dealing horse meat to tescos

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Roses are red Violets are blue Hop in the van or I will rape you

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How many Japanese people does it take to make a whirlpool? - None, because they're all dead.

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What did jimmy say when his brother had been mean to him all day and he was about to get a straw and his brother took the last one? That was the last straw!

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What did the man say when he walked into a bar? Nothing because he got knocked out because he was running too fast and hit his head.

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Whats the difference between a baby and a sandwhich... I dont rape my sandwhiches before i eat them

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilate was a loaf of bread.

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Why did the man put his money in the freezer? hes retarded.

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Why do Squirrels accidentally plant millions of trees. Because they bury their nuts and forget where they are.

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What did the fat kid get for Christmas? Diabetes......

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? I hit her with a shovel.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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