Why was the black man picking cotton from the backyard? Because he enjoys gardening as a hobby, and prefers to do it every Sunday, after work.

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Just checked my Tesco burgers in the fridge and they're still within the use by date.

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If a canoe is stuck in a tree with its headlights on, howmany pancakes does it take to cover the roof of my house? False, snakes don't have armpits!

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what is the difference between an octopus and a dead dolphin? one as tentacles the other is dead.

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What did the viking say to the alien? "Vad i namn av valhalla är en utlänning gör här?"

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Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall? A: Fish don't have vocal cords that allow them to speak in a way discernable by humans, and if they did, it would just sound garbled and bubbly due to their being underwater.

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What did the black boy get for Christmas? A bike his parents bought him.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

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What did the man say when he lost his car? Where the fuck did my car go

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Only people of high intelligence can laugh at anti jokes.

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A man walks into a bar. Something funny happens.

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When a fat lady walks by what do u think? R u fat or pregnant

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whats orange and cant talk? an orange

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How many kids does it take to get a day off of school? ...26

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Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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What did the farmer say to the cow that asked for food? No.

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Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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What's worse than falling off a horse? Falling off a cliff.

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Why did the teenager drink a beer? Because it was actually full of sizzurp

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How did the chewy cross the road ? it was stuck to the chickens foot.

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johnny goes to the shops asks the lady at the counter, can i go home The Lady says ..... Buy one get one free

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Why couldn't the man make it to work? Because as he was leaving his apartment, he saw a gruesome murder on the street that was part of an ever-growing and evolving genocide. Quickly following this, he broke down into psychological turmoil and wandered aimlessly through the streets until he eventually reached a forest, where he was taken in by a wild boar and raised to believe in boar-gods. The man died peacefully while planting potatoes.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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