Why doesn't Julius Caesar answer his cell phone? Because he's DEAD.

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Where can you find a tetraplegic? Where you left him.

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What do you call a middle-eastern man flying a plane? A pilot

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Q: What did the doctor say to his wife? A: Penis.

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Why couldn't the little boy tie his shoes? He had no arms

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Why did the cook throw up at McDonalds? Because his pay check was made out to the Ronald McDonald Foundation.

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What did the star say to the asteroid? Nothing, astral bodies can't talk, you dipshit.

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Why did a girl get an STD? She had sex.

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Q Why did the chicken cross the road A Nobody knows why because nobody is psych

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Why did the kid cross the road? To show his friends that he had guts. And man, did he have guts.

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1,2,3,4,5..what comes next? yeah you should know how to count

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Q: How do you turn lights on and off? A: With a switch

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Why did Michael Jackson die Cuz

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What do you get when you see a black man writing? A man devoted to getting a education.

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Q: How do you make an onion cry? A: You can't, it's an onion.

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There was 2 friends named Shutup and Trouble. They were camping and Trouble got lost in the woods. Shutup called the police. Shutup: Hello, is this 9-1-1 my friend is missing. Police: What is your name sir? Shutup: Shut up Police: What? Shutup: Shut up Police: What did you say? Shutup: I said Shut Up Police: Hey are you looking for TROUBLE? Shutup: Yes! Police: Guess what? We found him, he's safe in the station. We will have a officer come by a drop him off. Have a good day Mr. Shutup Shutup: Thank you

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You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't divide by zero.

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Why didn't the plane crash... because of the wight male piloting it

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HA HA HA HA HAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHYHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA - Bomber

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My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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A apple a day keeps gramar away.

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How do I become successful like you dad? Just do good.

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Q: Why do Asian children tend to be smarter than other children A: They have longer school years

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Why did Bill correct Matt when he called him Jim? Because that wasn't his name.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops