How many babys does it take to paint a wall red? 7 and 24 paint brushes cause babys need do overs

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

When there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call? The Police. There's something strange in your neighborhood.

Mom mom momie mom mom mom mom momie mother mother. What! Hi.

What did the boy in the wheelchair get for Christmas? A bicycle.

Why did the man apologize to the other man, after he had hit him with an axe? He didn't. The man was dead.

Ashton Kutcher meets a fine cougar at a bar and the cougar fatally wounded his throat.

Q: What did the clam say to the postman? Moral: "Hey its me the worlds only talking clam! How you doing dude!"

Three men were on a plane. Oh wait. You probably already heard this one.

A duck walks up to a lemonade stand. He didn't say anything because ducks can't talk.

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

What happened when the Asian girl got an 89 on her Test? Her parents kicked her out of their house.

Why did the fat man cross the road? Because he felt that being overweight, he had to do something about it and go to the gym.

Knock, knock. MAN: Who's there? ... MAN: Hello? Anyone out there? ... MAN: Must be the wind.

Man #1:Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: I don't know Man #1: Because he died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: Because he died? Man #1: Yep. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: Really? Come on, I've already answered your stupid question. Man #1: JUST ANSWER! Man #2: Fine, because he died. Man #1: No, peer pressure. Duh. Man #2 promplty punches Man #1 in the face and continues about his buisness.

How did Alice get revenge on Diane when Diane called her fat? When Alice was pregnant, she stabbed herself in the stomach and blamed it on Diane. Diane was then sent to prison for murder and received a sentence of 25 years. Alice laughed in court, and Diane was forced to commit suicide. Alice then stole Diane's husband, and she lived happily ever after.

What do Lebron James and Bill Murray have in common? They are both black basketball players. Except for bill murray

How do you get a cow off a swing? Hit it with an axe.

An Irishman walks into a bar. He died of alcohol poisoning that day

A man walked into a bar. He has been in a coma for six weeks now.

Q: why do orphans always go hard? A: because the can never go home.

Why did the girl throw away her hairspray? Because she realized the harmful contaminants emitted from the nozzle were expediting the deterioration of the ozone layer thus contributing to global warming.

Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank

A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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