- Anti Joke

So a little girl walked into a bar... A concerned adult then told the bartender. The bartender's name was Jim. Jim then asked the girl if she knew her phone number. The little girl said nothing and the bar tender was perplexed at the petrified look on the girls face. Jim the bartender then called the police and explained the situation.Once the girl was brought back to the police station it was learned that she had been missing for three months in a nearby county. The police then return to the bar to find that the owner had multiple kidnapped little girls in a cage under the bar that only he and the kidnapped girls knew about before the cops and Jim the bartender discovered it. The police then arrested The owner of the bar. He stood trial and was senteced to death row, he remains there today.

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

how do you confuse a blonde? ask if she wants a cake...then rape her

why did the kids pull the fire alarm? because there was a fire.

good looking women

Why did the Mexican steal a pack of tortillas? To feed his family. He didn't have the necessary funds to pay for it.

What did the unicorn say to the horse? I have a horn and you don't.

What did the boy say to the elders at the senior center? Dayum, you're all ugly!

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy wuzzy lost all his hair. Turns out he had brain cancer and died at age 30.

what did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas Cancer

your so fat. your fat!

A Gamer walks into the tavern, the bartender says to him, "just dont act like you control the place!"

Yo mamas so ugly that when she looked out the window, she was arrested for mooning.

What do you call a horny blond on the corner? A prostitute

10 kids are on a bus. It's just a normal bus, it takes the kids to school and lets them off.

What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? I don't hammer the watermon

Hello penis

"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

What happens when a bunch of animals break into your house... they eat you.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says why the long face? The horse says my mom died from cancer

Whats the difference between a duck? Both legs are of the same length. Especially the left one.

No!

Q: What do you call half of the worlds population of black people on the moon. A: Close enough.

Hitler has a certain "genocide-quaw" about him

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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