A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2008/04/Deer_mating2.jpg

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What was funny about the Halocast? Nothing, thousands of innocent people died

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Why did the little boy let go of his balloon? Because I was raping his face.

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What's worse than 9/11? a dipped glass of milk

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What's red, white, and black, and spins around and around? A penguin in a blender

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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What did Al gore say after he sold his TV Station to Arab Oil Money? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. CHA-CHING!

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We could have had it all Rolling in the deep You have my heart inside of your hand As you've just now inexplicably ripped it out of my ribcage.

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How did the man die? He was killed alive.

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Why are you gay? Because ***** you

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I like my coffee like i like my women, blonde with big boobs.

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A dog walks into a bar. The owner got a fake service dog identification and everyone really enjoyed it.

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Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness

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What is better than winning a gold medal at the parolympic games? Having two legs!

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What do you call a Mexican guy in America? A Mexican American

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What can be smooth but also rough? Endoplasmic Reticulum

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you have consumed.

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Three midgets walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders whiskey, and the third one ordered water because all three of them had agreed that he would be the designated driver that night.

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A kid walks into a bar, everyone fled the bar because they were all afraid of goats

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What has straight black lines and is square? A refferee.

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Haikus are simple but sometimes they don't make sense refrigerator.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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