- Anti Joke

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

Knock knock Who's there? The interrupting doctor The interrupting doct... You have Cancer

children are much like potatoes. when you eat them, they die.

A blind man walks into a bar. He had a few drinks then went home.

A man is standing on the street corner waiting for the bus. As it pulls up he steps on and pays his fare while he whistles to his iPod.

Why did the doctor not make it to his appointment in time? Because he died in 9/11!

Q) How many times did the woman jump off the cliff? A) Once she died.

How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one.

Which is the smallest? A. Jupiter B. Whale C. Cow D. Bracelet Answer: D

Why did the kid need glasses? A monkey threw a fridge at him.

Why did Johnny throw the clock out the window? His parents are never around to supervise him.

What did the Mexican shoe salesman say to the man? Excuse me, do you whih way to main street?

What is faster? A bottle of milk or a sand-filled pin ball machine? A fighter jet, stupid!

Don't count your eggs before you put them in a basket.

1: I heard a great knock knock joke, but you have to start it. 2: Okay, knock knock! 1: Who's there? 2: ???

Knock knock... Home invasion

Why didn't Sarah come to school today? She had a heart attack and died.

Friends are a lot like trees I just thought you should know.

What's better than getting second place in the paralympics? Having legs.

why was the boys t.v broken? because he through it out the window

what's blue , and you can urinate on it ? a rim block.

What shoots rockets but is not classed as a deadly weapon? A toy rocket launcher, I lied about the rockets.

What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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