Fred: says hi Bob: says shut up why the hell do you have to be so rude!!! Fred:thankyou ob thats better

Q: What do you call a black person living in the United States? A: An African American.

Why did the man not get home to his loving family? He blew up.

Q: Where is the One Piece? A: My girlfriend is wearing it.

Knock knock Whos there Your Ma Your Ma who Your ma's in jail!!!

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's not funny.

Why did the tomato turn red? The salad pulled out a gun.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

WHY DID THE MAN RUN A MILE?.BECAUSE HE WAS TRYING TO CATCH HIS NOSE AND GET A TISSUE

Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses all walk into a bar. They sit down at a table and glare at each other before turning to watch the baseball game. They support opposing teams.

Excuse me, I have a shitload of stuff to do, so you are Eliza huh? I thought that was just one person conveying something to someone. Anyway, what is your name? My name is actually Nero, but you do not strike me as an Eliza, first name is more than enough. You know, if you dare, Ill be back shortly, I was gonna shower but then again, I haven't moved at all today, so yeah. Saved you? I have never saved anyone well, excuse me then, see you around, worry less about people bothering with us chatting, hell they might risk learning something (not a chance, people here are fucking jackasses, with one exception, and I do not mean me this time).

whats worse than 10 dead babies nailed to one tree? 10 living babies nailed to one tree

Just so you are warned here folks, some of the jokes down here are really nasty, like you know... Antijokes... But luckily you got my family friendly stories about sex, incest, panties, grenades, dripping Meows, yeah... Regular family show stuff... IT HAPPENS TO US ALL! Right? Please tell me right? Riiight? Right? Yes? Phew, okay, for a moment I actually thought you where gonna tell me I was normal...

Comments my ladyfriends are totally not daring me to type here *yawn* My penis is small. Nero`s penis not active and retractable. My penis is only 19 cm. Nero wishes it was "only" that big, fuck I got more self irony than these got guts! "Nero is hung like a horse" Nero has not, nor will ever try to compare, but fuck, proportionally its impossible huh? "Nero is underrating himself" Pff, A God is always a God. "Nero is an insane Narcissist" Two of the ones Nero regularly bangs dared him say that, if that's my name, I love this game. "Nero has a bent dick" What? I do not, some people do, is that good or bad? Nero could not care for the opinions of others but you right... Fuck nevermind. "Can we stop quoting my dick, seriously?" What I just said out loud. "Nero is an animal rapist" Nero believes that the newcomer that first dared me to say "His dick is "ONLY" 19 cm" is being a bit passive agressive, just a tiiiny bit, now lets go with child molester and pictures or something huh? SIgh... "Nero has balls of steel" Now, we are really on the same wavelength. "Nero would never do this on youtube" I regularily do and will stop now just to show off. "Nero knows no fear" I FEAR tht you might be wrong, but I FEAR you might also be right "Nero adds the comments under because he gets insecure" No, but if you keep adding all with "Nero" as in third person instead of I, it wont quite add up will it? "Nero nearly always refers to himself in third person" Nero concurs "Nero has bitemarks on his penis" The shame! Oh no! XD because men really dont like to show off their scars lol XD, my dick has been sucked by thousands the shame XD "Nero is not brave but borderline insane" Ouch... Seriously it takes balls to be borderline insane, and I am completely and total insane, I could sit down and yell this at a karaoke bar you know... Why not? "Nero has feelings" This is my own, fuck I am brave, even brave enough to admit I dislike this being questioned. "Nero is afraid of hights" "Nero admits that jumping from a 120 store skyscraper left him sleepless for two weeks or something insane, I happen to do much of my work at that same floor so OBJECTION DISHONORED!" "Nero is not a sex God" Nero is confused, Nero gets told that all the time in bed. "Nero gets lied to in bed" Thats just mean, what does that have with admitting stuff. "Its settled, Nero is fucking bad ass" I know and I keep telling you, now you realize? "Girl S, girl B, and girl T and K do not enjoy having their first letter in their names mentioned" Nero gives zero fucks. "Nero is getting blueballs" True, oh no, my sex drive is excellent. "Nero got beaten by a bitch" You just asked me to quote you s a bitch, okay I typed that and you girls noticed that but did you notice that I apologized for using that word? No? Well good luck finding it now! But hey, I am sorry I did not mean it, I was just getting VERY TIRED FROM EXTREMELY HARD SEX So is it forgiven? "Nero is forgiven" Sincerely, that is the weirdest most akward thing Nero has been dares to post so far, Nero does not believe in forgiveness but in taking responsability. "Seriously BITCHES! Give me something challenging!" Nero deals fair and justly to the deserving "Nero`s typing sucks in english" GIRLS SPEAKING LIKE ZOMBIES HAVE TERRIBLE GRAMMAR, NERO IS NOT A LAWYER IN ANY ENGLISH SPEAKING NATION AND KNOWS SIXTEEN OTHER LANGUAGES EIGHT OF THEM WHICH HE USES DURING A YEAR. "THIS IS GETTING BORING" Mine. "Game Over BITCHES!" You wont admit I am bad ass enough to post all of this, I wont admit that you got the... Whatever it takes to behave like girls women whatever you like. "Nero will post this because he is insane" Nero wonders if that was a dare or just girls agreeing completely with his opinion of self. Posting. "NOO WAIT DONT BE STUPID WE, I ETC ARE JUST KIDDING DONT DO IT" Nero senses buncha idiots but shuts his ears, this was a dare and Nero is a daredevil... To the point where Nero does not understand why he had to detach the laptop and hide in the toilet in order to post this... Nero hears its all like "Do not humiliate yourself" "Do you have no self dignity?" "Nero does not understand what the fuck is humuliating nor against self dignity..." Well What the FUCK does a REAL NEROMAN NEED SOME QU33R DIGNITY FOR! "Nero hears girls questioning Nero`s social awareness" XD "Nero does not care what the fuck random people thinks about him, there will always be bad opinions, jealous opinions, and opinions that lead to sex" "Nero is not perfect, but wont admit it" Nero is not perfect, he knows, but Nero has not claimed so either, so Nero thinks that people should stop thinking that Nero is perfect. "Wow, did he like really post it? That is so like lame!" Nero, can hear in girls voice that they are merely testing Nero. "Nero claims he posted this to them" Girls laugh, Nero was right, they laugh with Nero not at Nero, "Really asks one girl to Nero" Not yet, here goes... What, is this supposed to be humiliating? I HAVE A SAYAN SWAGGER BITCHES! (did not actually say that, but... Employerss wont stop reading Nero`s stuff and get to work. "Nero will start cutting the daily salary of his employers" Mark my words. "Nero can you just get the fuck out of the toilet?" Nero holds on a bit, girl does not know there is another toilet, this could get fun and kinky. "Is he actually using it?" I dares myself here, people think im shitting or something, okay time to post this sigh ever boring crap that humored them at least, and that will make them go "Asshole I almost pissed myself" Nero regrets opening the door at all XD Next time... And then Nero will tell idiot B that there are four toilets at the very same corners... Which is far less weird than it sounds, no crowding at parties fancy with the fucking ugly and disgusting employees that are still reading this (YES YOU!) And the hot chicks, and me parties... (this is not a party, this is a... Smaller grouping). "Nero is a braggart" Ok you got me there, my lifestyle includes expressing the joy pride and happiness it gives me, the satisfaction, without revealing the name of my bitches... Nor girls/women/cousins/female anima... Ok not that last one, well actually she was fucking ugly, and it was a dare, so maybe she passes as a... No? Nah, Nero cant say such things even to the ones of... "Inner beauty". "NERO IS FINISHED" Now Nero just regrets keeping the door close, you which read this far too, because you could have seen the cutest prettiest boobiest girl in the group, piss herself at. "Why knows, I turned on the webcam.com and Nah, I dont reveal that kinda shit to others than God and myself... Which is of course only myself" "Nero is a fetishist" Ok of what? Nice one, Neither Nero nor the "suggesters" know... "Nero is bored of this and wont have more suggestions" DAMN STRAIGHT! "NO DONT POST THAT YOUR DIGNI" NERO FUCKS DIGNITY AND POISE AND... NERO IS METAL HARDCORE HE CHAINSAWS PETS HEADS OFF BY DAY AND DEFENDS THOSE ACCUSED OF CHAINSAWING PETS HEADS OF BY NIGHT. "Dont Post that come on!" Nero gives Zero fucks about what whiny girl B almost pissed herself girl thinks, and he still scores... If you know what I mean ;) "NOOOO WTF! WHY WHAT WILL THE HORSEHEAD NETWORK THINK OF YOU?" Well I am already the Moral Man and the most pointless invention which is a man (unless you include Justin Beiber, which makes you weird) Moral: It also means that I am the man whose "moral name" has most green thumbs" "Nero please, I need to use the toilet, I got to pee" Lol XD okay not in the mood for this, and the word pee with that voice made what could have been fun sound... Too young. "NERONERONERONERONERONERO" MORAL MAN

Q: What did the Rabbi say to the butcher? A: "Do you have the time?"

What are 3 skills black people have that they use for basketball? Great hand eye co-ordination, communication and encouragement.

What's the difference between a ball and a bouncy ball? A bouncy ball is bouncy.

What did the cancer patient say before they died? I am in so much pain. I love you all

What do you call 100 dead babies in my garage? Murder.

If life give you lemons, throw them at people.

How did the three girls get free drinks? Two of them were attractive and out of obligation to "the game" the third girl was also purchased a beverage.

How did the black kid get in school? By taking the bus.

What's the difference between a duck? They are mostly the same, only one leg is shorter.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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