Two guys walked into a pub... and they totally redecorated it! It was brilliant.

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A friend? Just a friend that you told to stop pretending to be me? And you had no idea whatsoever that I am Nero as in not one of the six hundred thousand wabbabes?

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why is lady gaga so famous? because she has a penis.

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What do you get when a person and a cat try to have a child of some sort? Nothing because there chromosomes don't match, and there for physically impossible.

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YOU KNOW YOU'RE AS FAT AS JESSE WHEN... 1. The scales don't go up to the weight you weigh. 2. You know the true meaning of the word Plus-Size. 3. You can't see your feet without sitting down.

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Mom now that I am fourteen can I get a bra now? No Harold!

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Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

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Once upon a time there was a man that was exercising and he pulled a muscle and had to have his arm removed. The end.

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Q: Why did they bury the Indian? A: Because he was dead.

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What do you get when you put a woman in a room with 4 guys? She gets Gang Banged.

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Your mother is so fat that she has a very big butt and large breasts, which is quite attractive to some men, especially if they are open-minded.

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What's under there? I'm not falling for that one...

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Hitler walks into a temple..... Oh wait he died

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A blond, a brunette, and a redhead all entered their designated classrooms to begin AP testing. They all worked extraordinarily hard to earn a passing grade and receive college credit. The brunette and the redhead received passing, yet average, grades. The blond also received a score that reflected the amount of effort she put into studying and memorizing the material, because there is no correlation between hair color and intelligence.

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Q: What's worse then 10 babies nailed to a tree? A: 1 baby nailed to 10 trees

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Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Actually it's my cookie jar, and my cookies. I stole nothing.

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A penguin is walking through the snow, and comes across a polar bear with a hat on. He stops and stares at the polar bear for a second and then compliments the polar bear on his hat. The polar bear smiles and promptly consumes the penguin, build up a fat layer for the coming Winter.

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What do you get when you cross the ocean with a dinosaur? Wet.

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How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Suck its dick.

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Shut up, I already got that before you said it, typed it, whatever I do not give a fuck, I want the last word because, reasons of millions. I love you Nero come visit me sometime, wait ill come visit you, yes yes, but now shut up, I want the last word, because I made myself your bitch! You know its not what I mean the other way but then around again, I think, you are my I made myself your bitch, no wait, keep reading, you are, my bitch master..., pretty please let me have the last word? Never fucking mind! Have the last word, I surrender, I totally surrender I want my nose back XD.

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Snake: YES muahaha Eve eat the fruit from the three of wisdom muahahaha! Why do you not share with Adam? Muahahaha! Snake: Why is nothing happening? Then the sky opened and a heavenly voice spoke: "Well as long as none eats fruit from the three of KNOWLEDGE... Hmm, I better get rid of it altogether..." Snake: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

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You know what would be funny? If the Incredible Hulk asked Spiderman to change his diaper.

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Girl: What's up? Guy: If I told you, would you sit on it?

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is deceased, therefore rendering her incapable of movement, which is required to drive a vehicle.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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