Ask me if I'm God.. Dude, we all know you're not God.

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Ask me if I'm a rock. Are you a rock? No.

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What did the one midget say to the other midget? We r both small

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You heard now that you can not only bet safe at net casinos, but also win safely? Win safely? The hell does that mean? You mean you could win unsafely before? Like the betting casino crashing after you win a million? Moral: That crap is even less moral than I am ffs! Now they give you like 5000 game bucks free just to get you addicted.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a train? Because she's blind.

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Friend's are like penguins, they both die when you stab them in the heart.

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Why was the boy cold? Because he couldn't afford clothing.

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What did the dog say to its owner? well as you can see it is physically impossible for a dog to speak english or any other langueges such as french, spanish or chinese.

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So a guy walks in to a bar.... and orders a beer.

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The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The average American sees a half-finished glass of water that is not flavored and is therefore is not worth any reasonable person's time.

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What has feet, but no legs? An alien.

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what has wheels and is red. A heart, i lied about the wheels.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he has two legs

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Why did the chicken go to KFC? Because it was suicidal.

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why are the Harold and Kumar movies really funny? the man who wrote obvieusly has a good sense of humor.

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why was the jewish man so sad because his family was killed in a bus accident and he severed his spine and cant walk ever again and his insurance couldunt pay for the bill so he is now bankrupt so he borrowed from the mafia and now owes them 100,000 in a year or they will cut off his fingers and gauge out his eyes

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What do a rabbit and a plum have in common? They're both purple expect the rabbit

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Why did the monkey fall from the tree? It passed away in its sleep.

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I have a friend named Jay . But for short , he likes to be called J .

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So, a Turtle, a Giraffe, and a Hippopotamus walk into Stop-N-Shop. They are quickly excorted out and the Zoo is contacted to take the wild animals. The Manager wonders why they were there in the first place.

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What's the difference between two telephone poles? T-shirts! Because motorcycles don't have doors!

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while having sex, the boy asked, "how many ears do elephants have?" his father answered, "two"

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What's brown and sticky? Some brown pigment mixed with something sticky like glue.

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How do you scare a little boy? You tell him everyone he loves was shot to death by you and then kick his guardian .

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops