Two muffins are sitting in an oven.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have chlamydia, and now so do you!

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a tomato.

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What's brown,green got four legs and can fall out of a tree and kill you? A snooker table.

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Why couldn't kitty drink it's milk?\ It's face was nailed to the floor

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Smell your breath Coamhin you smelly cunt

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Peer pressure

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What do you call the offspring of a gerbil and a hamster? Whatever you want.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A bug in your nut.

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What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

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Why is the Holocaust/Worm in your apple joke the highest rated joke on Anti Jokes? Most of the viewers of this website clicked on a thumbs up symbol directly below the joke, which by the coding of this website triggered an algorithm that caused the number adjacent to this thumbs up button to increase and also caused the joke to appear higher on the list of most popular jokes.

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Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses walk into a bar and sit down at a table. They glare at each other for a moment before turning to watch the baseball game. They support opposing teams.

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft by pulling down on one or both of the red tabs.

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Why was Sally in a wheelchair? Her abusive father beat her repeatedly with a rake.. Then as she crawled out the door to try and get help, the abusive father took his Dodge Ram and ran over her legs reapeatedly. Then began to slap her. Luckily, a vigilante saw the whole thing and slaughtered the father with an axe and carefully escorted Sally to the hospital. After a couple of weeks of beautiful and extraordinary care, Sally made a full recovery and was able to leave.. and all patients have to leave in a wheelchair

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What's the difference between your garage and mine? A pile of dead babies.

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A man and wife were having a vacation when suddenly the man falls to the floor and starts having a seizure. The woman screams "Oh my God, is there a doctor in the house?!" Then a doctor appears and helps the man with the appropriate method of handling a seizure. The doctor says everything is going to be okay.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Matters the size of the bathtub and the size of the babies.

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how do you make holy water? you burn the hell out of it

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what do the parents of a starved family do? kill their kids chop them up into little pieces and eat them.

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What did the zero say to the eight? I don't know,numbers are inanimate objects so they can't talk.God, what did you think?

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How did the person die? He got hit by a car.

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roses are red, violets are blue, poems are stupid, refridgerator

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

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How many stripes are there on a policeman's socks? None, policemen must wear regulation plain black socks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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