What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? What do you mean what's the difference?!?! One of them is a fucking elephant!

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What's the only animal that has to be oiled? any animal I can think of

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What did the cat say to the human? Nothing

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How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? None they're dead.

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Knock knock, Who's there? The constable. Your husband was killed in a car crash.

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Why did the sheriff cross the road? Cuz I told him to.

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why did the black man jump higher than the white man he was on a trampoline

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A.do i have alzheimer's? B.yes A.do i have alzheimer's?

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You attend a school atop a hill in the middle of the town. A river flows east of the hill, under the bridge built for the highway that runs two miles behind the school. You mother leaves for work at 6:00 a.m., and your brother leaves at 9:00 a.m. Schools starts at 7:30 a.m., and you have to pick up a sandwich on the way, for lunch. Also, you forgot to do an assignment that's due today, and it'll take you at least thirty minutes to complete it. How do you get to school on time? You walk.

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A priest, a rabbi and a scientologist walk into a bar. They discuss their various religious viewpoints until the scientologist gets a call informing him of his mother's death. The priest buys him a drink. Then the priest gets a call informing him of his mothers death. The rabbi buys him a drink. The rabbi gets a call. The scientologist expects it to be about the rabbi's mother dying, so he prematurely buys him a drink. It was actually the lottery commission telling the rabbi he won 48 million dollars.

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Why did the girl run over the road? Her buttons rolled to the other side! (From a book called... Al-capone does my shirts) (Natilie)

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Is there anything better than pussy? Ya a really nice book

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Brian knew how to save the world from the death penalty: "Let's kill everybody who is not against it." So I killed Brian and waste my time in death row now.

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01101110 01101001 01101110 01100101 00100000 01100101 01101100 01100101 01110110 01100101 01101110 translate here http://binarytranslator.com/

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Q. Why cant Stephen Hawking walk into a bar? A. Because he suffered being paralyzed and is unable to walk. So theoretically speaking it is impossible to walk when paralyzed and in a wheelchair unless the victim is out of his or her wheelchair. Please note that the chances of walking when paralyzed are extremely slim.

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anti joke What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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what do you call a black man on a killing spree? whatever his xbox live gamertag is. that would probably be most appropriate

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What do short Mexicans do after a hot shower? Dry off with a towel like everyone else,

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Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? There was no cross walk.

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Why did the other Albino cross the road? He was running away from a witch doctor who was going to brutally murder him and steal his body parts.

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what is red and bad for your teeth? a brick

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A: I accidentally shot my sister with a rifle! B: you don't have a sister? A: exactly

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Daffodils are yellow, Flowers come in lots of colours...

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What do you call a man that's very angry? A Very Angry Man.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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