Why wasn't my friend laughing at my jokes? Because his grandpa is dying.

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What do you call a two headed platypus? Go ask him, I'm sure he has a name.

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What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into your grandmother and finding a fish

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Friends are like balloons When you stab them they die.

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What did the boy with no legs get for Christmas? A nice sweater.

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Knock, Knock! Go away!

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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What did the boy reading the book do? He kept turning pages and reading until he came to the end, closed the book, and put it back onto the book shelf.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Put chromosomes in advertising. Because you know, Sex Cells

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If somebody stabs you in the forehead, you are likely to get injured.

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A kid walks into a bar, everyone fled the bar because they were all afraid of goats

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wanna hear a joke? womans rights

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Why did suzy not eat her breakfast? because i stapled her to the table.

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What's the difference between a lamp?

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What is brown and sticky?… A shit…

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kkkk

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I don't know why.

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Whats the difference between the NBA and the WNBA? NBA players make more, have more fans, and play a real sport.

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Why is the melon having a wedding? Because it cantaloupe.

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Q: What did the cop do when he saw a mexican in his car? A: Nothing, he was looking in a mirror.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are pink Daisys are white

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Knock, Knock. Lol jk, we all know knock knock jokes fricken suck.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because it died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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