It was a boys birthday, his mom died of cancer, his dad of aids, and all of his siblings were put in a gas chamber. Happy Birthday

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A man walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" He says, "I have acromegaly"

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because it died

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Harry to Voldemort: Your mother is so fat, her patronus is a cake!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A brunette, redhead, and blond were on a road trip. Their car broke down in the middle of the desert. The redhead offered to get help down the road, but never returned. The blond and brunette walked the direction the redhead went, but died four days later of heat exhaustion.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's the difference between a convertible and a dead baby? One's in my garage, and one's a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Hold on, please hold on! I will explain, it is my name, but I don't know whats so wrong with it at all... Please give me five minutes, I need to use the bathroom, please don't go just yet, don't be mad at me, what have I done wrong now? I mean if you are gonna go to sleep or something please do not be upset with me.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Knock, Knock. Lol jk, we all know knock knock jokes fricken suck.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Don't tease the fat kids. They have enough on their plates.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Three midgets walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders whiskey, and the third one ordered water because all three of them had agreed that he would be the designated driver that night.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How do you help a chronic drug addict? Buy him or her more drugs. They NEED it.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you get when you mix monster, coke, and and seltzer? Kicked out of stop and shop.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette have a contest to see who can get the most likes on their profile pictures. They are all attention-whores.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Bob Saget

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's worse than a dead baby inside a microwave? A microwave inside a dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why is water clear? Because it doesn't have a pigmentation.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 was a really creepy movie

thumb_up thumb_down +25

If a chicken and a half layed an egg and a half in a day and a half how many pancakes does it take to shingle a roof? -A banana has no bones

thumb_up thumb_down +25

The game.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What song does a bulimic person sing while on the toilet? Nothing Bulimic people don't poop.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the little girl go to the hospital?........................Beacuse she fell when trying to steal cookies out of the cookie jar on top of the fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Roses are red Violets are red My lawn is red My fences are red It appears my garden is on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

If the blue man lives in the blue house, and the yellow man lives in the yellow house, who lives in the white house? The blue man. He has made a good living with a high salary and has enough money to afford two houses.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops