A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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An slutty attractive secretary went into her boss' office He killed her.

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How do you get a black man to run? Ask him how his day has been, catch up on some memories of your time at school together, then challenge him to a foot race.

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Q:Why is 6 afraid of 7? A: he isn't because 6 and 7 are both concepts that cannot have fear like a living being

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Deteriorate

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What happened to the asian when he took viagra? He got an erection.

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that awkward moment when your teachers a duck

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What's big and long? My dick.

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What's worse than slipping on a banana peel? Amanda Todd's suicide.

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Roses are red..... violets are blue...... I have a gun get in the van

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Wow Nero, you never explained the process, its like I am at the ocean again, but dont lie, you still fear showers... Sorry its just not you when you lie to me, I know I should be more concerned about you, ill bring those old stuff, im tired, sleepy, I suppose thats your work huh Nero? Thanks, call it as a brother or what you want, but I really love you and wont ever stop doing so. Goodnight Nerochan, promise me you will take care of yourself, we all got a long life ahead of us, and I want to spend more time with you, if its fine for you and your wife.

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How do you scare off a ghost? Tell him your ready for a commitment.

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Why did the donkey say "Shit sorry I had no idea" Because the batteries shouted: "Nobody told me about your actions here, sorry for the terrible coding format, I am new"

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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How many friendzoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just compliment it then get mad when it won't screw.

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Q.Why did the chicken cross the road? A.The chicken was very distressed and trying to get away from the angry mob that followed close behind it.The chicken was never seen again. If you see a distressed chicken please contact your local police station.

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Yo mama so stupid, she should be worried about Alzheimer's disease.

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Nero, please pick up the phone, I wont ever do that, it was a mistake okay? Stop that, my sister wont ever! My mom whatever! But if you lie a finger on my sister, I will kill you, I am at the outside, which room are you at? Tell me you coward fucker! Tell me!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Why did the boy eat the chips? Because he was hungry

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So this guy was making a sandwich...

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What did the man say ti the other man? Hi

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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