- Anti Joke

What did Heinrich Himmler say to the chicken? I'll take that liver thanks.

Q: why did suzie fall out of the swing? A: because she was a pinecone

Roses? are red Violets are blue, Kangaroos like Oranges, Poems suck, Refrigerator.

Why is an elephant big, gray and lumpy? Because if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Asprin.

Where's Waldo? In rehab. Waldo is in rehab.

What did the five fingers say to the face? Nothing. Fingers cannot talk.

Rim Ram Ree, Kick him in the knee, Rim Ram Rass, Kick him in the other knee

There was porn on the Internet I masturbated to it, but my parents caught me, and I can't ever leave the house again until I'm 18.

What's similar about a black person and a white person? They're both black, apart from the white person

What's the best thing about the Pixies? Their music.

Your mother is so stupid that she had to study, a lot.

Your momma is so fat, she should be concerned about her increased risk if a heart attack because of her poor eating habits.

How do you cure aids? Jonathon siezed to care as he proceeded to cry when he was told his lemons were over the weight of what he'd expected

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Whats the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? Boy scouts come back from camp.

women's rights

What's the difference between a cow and some dirt? They're the same except for almost everything

What's good about having alzheimers? You meet new people every day!

A 10 year old underpriveledged boy goes to the second mile camp and meets his new counselor: Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky. The two bond very much and talk a lot. Sandusky invites the boy back to the locker room to shower because the boy got muddy. The boy takes a shower, gets clean, and goes back to his cabin. The boy has a great time at the camp and goes home.

What did the boy without arms get in his Christmas present? A pair of gloves. Just kidding, he didn't open it yet.

roses are red pickles are green i like your legs and whats in between

Remember those days where we planned what to do with our lives instead of wondering what things lied ahead? Those where the days, it does not matter if we are relics, heroes, or villains today. Back then, we did not seek to discover our future, we sought to create it, back then our people did not pray for a better day, but worked for it. And love and kindness was not something only found in heaven, but what we shared in what was the closest thing, to heaven on earth. Tell me the truth, are there many like us left in this world?

How many blondes did it take to screw in the lightbulb? Just one. She did a fine job.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? Lawyers exist, are alive and despite all claims to the contrary, can withstand sunlight, garlic and the sign of the cross. They also have reflections and whilst they may eat black pudding from time to time they don't depend on blood as a source of nutrition.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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