What did the facial stylist charge Jack Sparrow to get his ears pierced? A buc-an-ear!

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, floating in the ocean? A victim of the increasingly violent Mexican drug cartels.

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What's worse then getting socks on Christmas? Being murdered by a bear.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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what is the difference of a bag of dead babies and a trampoline? I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline

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Have a nice day! Dont tell me what to do.

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How do you get the icing in the middle of a cupcake? Cupcake raper...Duh

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What is the name of the mermaid on the Starbucks logo? No one knows, she ran away many years ago of shame. It's undiscovered why.

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Do you have to be so, you know... Open about what we are gonna do and stuff? I mean I know some people here, and you are a married man and you know.

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What happens if u call a black kid names? He tells an adult and u get in trouble

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are polemicists.

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America. A land where if a girl sexual harrasses a guy would be a good thing.

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What did the little girl say after her dad hit her? Nothing. She was a month old and died instantly.

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Why did the orange put on the sun block? Because it was afraid of turning into a TAN-gerine!

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What do you call a piece of celery with peanut butter on it? your moms dead

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Knock, Knock Who's There? An Orange No Seriously Who Are You?

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff.

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Q. Wheres your nan???? A. In my closet

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why did the the frog cross the road? because he was on the chickens back

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What happened when rudolf bucked Santa? Santa ripped his hooves off and started hitting his nose until it stopped glowing

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Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field

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Why did samba hurt her head? Because she fell out of her mum muff

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why did the black man sit in the back of the bus? becouse all the seat where taken in the front

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Why doesn't Michael sleep with boys anymore? -Because he is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops