Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

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There are 3 guys named:Poop, Shut up and Manners. They all were speeding down the street, they took a sharp turn and Poop fell out of the back. A cop pulled them over while Manners got out to go get Poop. The cop says, "whats your name." "Shut up." "No seriously whats your name." "Shut up" he says a little bit harsher. "Wheres your manners?" the cop says. "Back there picking up Poop."

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What happens when batman jumps off the top of a building? His fake wings fails and he dies upon impact of the ground.

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Pi and i are having an argument about the state of modern mathematics. Pi goes into a frenzy and i says "be rational". Pi does not realise that i was just being friendly, and so tells him: "get real". [L]

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Why did the man get a tattoo? A: he wanted to express himself.

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like if u think princess kenny is the fairest maiden in all the land. if u dont, disregard this message.

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A Black man walks into the Dentist's office, because he cares about his hygiene.

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What happens when you cross a Labrador and a Poodle. A species of dog that has been cross bred.

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What do you do when you walk downstairs and see your TV floating? Call Ghostbusters.

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What did the taxi driver say when the black man got in to his taxi? Where to sir?

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Why was the boy seeing stars? It was night time.

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What happens to a fish with no fin on the right side? It repeatedly swims in circle.

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Q: How many jews can you fit in a car A: 2 in the front. 3 in the back and as many as you want in the ash tray.

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Why is the man's nose bleeding? Because I punched him in the nose. He looked at me funny.

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Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if he tore his ACL last week trying out for wood chucking nationals? A: Woodchucks don't possess the ability to chuck wood, nor do they have ACLs.

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Taxes are like prostitutes. The higher your salary, the more you pay.

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Knock Knock, Who's There? The The Who? YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

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Why was the girl crying? DEEZ NUTS!

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kids make accidents in the backseat of your car but u and your wife made an accident in the backseat and thats how you got that rottten troll that makes accidents in the car!!

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When the loaf of bread crashed the car the wife was mad. What do you think she did? She put Nutella on him toasted him and then ate him

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-I thought the lesson had started? -It has

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How long does it take for britney spears to change a light bulb? Fish can not leave the water without dieing.

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a duck, a mexican, a camel, a jew, a duck, a moose, an asian, an ostrich, a turtle, an elephant, a scorpion, two vampires, a pokemon, your mom, Stephen Hawkings, a bird, a plane, mario, your family, and a plumber walk into a bar. They have cancer, AIDS, disabilties, diabetes, herpes, siezures, retardation, death in their families, drug addiction, no arms or legs, no home, no money, racial segregation, and have been raped. A combination of which is worse than the holocaust and three bee stings and a rope that fails.

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Yo mamma's so fat, we are all seriously concerned for her health.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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