- Anti Joke

How do you know it's a bad day? When your brain does not release a high enough level of seratonin.

What is the mexican dream? To jump the border

How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? None, for the task at hand is so simple, you should do it.

Woman: do u want to watch Snakes on a Plane? Man: sure, what is it about? Woman: It's about a horse on a boat

Why wasn't jimmy at Paul's party? He died in a fatal car crash and flew out y The windshield and landed in boiling oil then a dog ate him.

what do you call a prostitute with AIDS? Most likely her first name, unless of course you know her and it is normal for you to refer to her by a nickname or some shorter version of her proper first name.

Mitt Romney

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to KFC and join his chicken friends to protest.

What's cooler than being cool? An object at absolute zero

Why couldn't the man open his car door for the women? He drove a jeep with removable doors

what did the paraplegic get for his birthday? a bike...

Yo mama so fat when she goes to the gym, she makes her trainer skinnier.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender does not ask about its facial characteristics, because he is wondering why there is a horse standing in his bar.

Why didn't Jimmy go to school? Because Jimmy is a brick wall.

Whats wrong Nero? What happened? Please pick up the phone, I am trying to call you, but it just goes from dialing to changing tunes, please do not be upset with me, what did I do wrong? I thought we had an understanding, please just pick up the phone, if you already have my number and all you got nothing to lose...

Why did the Mexican cross the road? The light was green.

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, i'll drive."

When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

Superman vs Batman real fight: Batman: Hmm I believe that Superman might want to fight msquish Batman explodes in a bunch of meat as a blue and red blur is seen fly by. Extended Edition: Batman: Hah Superman I got kryptonite gloves so if you would just stand close to them for about five minute...squish Batsack of meat left we see nothing because Superman is FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET. They are probably gonna go like every fucking crossover, first they squabble and throw a few punches for five minutes, then they realize that the LAX LADDER LEX LUGER AND LEX LUTHOR brothers made up some fake story so sups and bts kill each other while they blow up the world, so Btz, and Soup end up beating them up... Moral: "PFF! BATMAN HAS BEATEN UP SUPERMAN AND THE HULK IN THOUSANDS OF SHlTTY NON CANON STORIES!" (In where the one with the Hulk described the hulk to have the instincts and combat skills of a "dumb, animal like confused ape" yes actual quote, Batman punched this confused green ape across a door and kept beating "The Hulk" up as he ran around in "animalistic fear and "rage" receiving random kicks by Batman, then Btz throws some capsule that turns into a fishbowl with no oxygen that chokes The Hulk (supposedly to death) in a few seconds... The Hulk can like hold his breath for YEARS in space, (but you know these lethal fishbowls)

there was a pre school teacher and he told the children to draw a squirell. One boy breaks into tears because his entire family was slaughtered by a pack of squirrels. This upset the teacher

Why did the fireman die? For various reasons,one was because he was burnt alive.

What happens when you throw a midget off of a tall building? It dies and the people below get midget on them

Q: What's the biggest lie ever? A: Saying you read the Terms of Service

Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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