What is three times more dangerous than war? Three wars.

The only difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is the taste.

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

A man walks into a bar. The second man sees the first man's mistake and ducks. The third man needs to take no precautions as he is a midget and can simply walk under the bar.

A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. It started raining and an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Why can't the Mexican float? He never learned the proper technique as he was not allowed to take swim class.

A black man and a white man enter a public toilet. They both begin to pee at the urinals. The whiteman peers over to the blackman mid-pee. He is dissappointed to find that the black man's penis is not large according to stereotype and then blushes embarassed by his own latent homosexuality. They both leave the toilet and never see eachother again. The white man cries himself to sleep later that night. 'I've been hiding too long' he thinks.

What did the rake say to the shovel? Nothing, they're both inanimate objects.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road A: Will Smiths rapping attempt was suprisingly not harmful to his career as he later played in blockbusters such as Independence Day, Men in Black, The Pursuit of Happiness ect..

How you know when dislextic

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What's the difference between a Jewish child and pizza? Pizza does not scream in the oven.

what does a black person and an elephant have in common? what? they are both living beings who have their place in the world.

Friends are like potatoes. I don't have any potatoes.

A man walked into a bar.He woke up hours later and went home. By TheRealPaddock

What did Canada say to America? We will not become apart of the United States where people are known as Fat Nascar lovin hicks!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Its children were just slaughtered.

What did the scarf say to the hat? Nothing, a scarf can't talk.

A black man sits down to have a legal conversation with his state appointed attorney for the first time being arrested. They lawyer advises him to tell him the truth of exactly what happened. He proceeds to do so and is provided with excellent legal advice.

-Whats not funny and has wheels? >What? -The Holocaust... I was lying about the wheels

A mormon walked into a bar and realised it was a bar the he leaves

What's worse than a rainy day? Rape.

Once upon a time, there were two brothers jumping on a bed. Q: The one stopped. Why? A: His brother fell off, cracked his head, started uncontrollably bleeding and died.