Your mother is so obese, that when shot with a high velocity round from a handgun, the bullet is unlikely to penetrate the several layers of fat protecting her vital organs, like a fleshy kevlar vest. However, she is likely to die from infection, which is highly commom among gunshot wounds.

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Alternate ending for children: Despite the massive trauma that the spider suffered from his fall and the sheer volume of rain in the confined space of a pipe, it made a miraculous recover due to the sun coming out. It was however, forever doomed to repeat this cycle of undeath for ever more. [L]

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Win industrial estate, Newry

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What's black and blue and hates sex? A rape victim.

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Whats a welfare? Its what keeps you alive.

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Yesterday I was walking my dog and while I was walking my dog, guess what happened? It got hit by a bus.

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What has eyes but can't see? Helen Keller. What has ears but can't hear? A field of corn.

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hi joshua

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-What did the policeman say to the boy? -Hello.

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Why did your ears get blasted with sound? You never turned the volume down..

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Yo mamas so ugly that when she looked out the window, she was arrested for mooning.

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what did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? cancer

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Why did the teenager turn in his work on time? He chose not to procrastinate.

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Yo mama so fat, she gonna die soon.

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Black people

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't know any better. It very recently was decapitated in order tofeed the farmers family.

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What's the difference between a 7 year old boy and a 50 year old man? Hair.

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You are in an airplane, and you have 500 bricks. You throw one out the door. How many do you have? 499. What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a fridge? 1-open the door,2-put the elephant in,3-close the door. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and shut the door. The lion king is having a party for all the animals… which one didn't go? The giraffe, it's in the fridge. An old lady is trying to cross an alligator infested river. She makes it over. How? The alligators are at the party. She dies anyway. How? She gets hit by the brick you threw out of the window.

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My friend Keith found a worm in his apple. He ate it anyways

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Miss Hoolie: Hello, PC Plum. What's the story in Balamory? PC Plum: I'm arresting you for the sexual molestation of twenty children.

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Q: What did Michael Jackson do while he was preparing for his newest world tour? A: He died.

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Going out for a quiet one, having a drink or two, and returning home.

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Hitler: honey what's for dinner? Hitlers wife: a jewwwsyy steak

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There once was a man from Peru, he couldn't fit into his shoe. He went to Brazil bought a big. Swallowed it and died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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