Roses are dead. Violets are dead. I'm a bad gardener.

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If life gives you lemons.... Life is an abstract noun not a physical object so it can not give you lemons.

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Once a man asked a lady working at the supermarket, Can I see your avocados? She kindly walked him over to the rack where they were being held.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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so a man walks into a bar *pint of bud there please

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Why is the sky blue? Because it isn't red.

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why didn't the Asian ask for a calculator cause he was doing the dishes and a calculator seemed inappropriate

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Pigs have the emotional capacity of a five year old think about that next time you have to dissect one in biology

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Why do people go on this site? They have no friends and no lives.

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A man with a magic watch says to a prostitute, "My magic watch says you are wearing any underwear." "YOU HAVE MAGIC WATCH?! Can it tell time too??!!!"

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Why do jews have big noses? Because the air is free!

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Want to hear a funny joke? Not really.

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Sally." "Go away, Sally. I told you I am not interested." Kevin slammed the door on his colleague, as Sally proceeded to find somebody else and move on with her life. Kevin later in life became a drug addict, and got thrown in jail. Sally got married and had four kids, and while she feels bad for Kevin, she is happy with her life.

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a man walks into a bar several people leave as they can see the potential danger in the situation. - the man (also so known as a hippo) was Matt Ross

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Why did the boy stop singing? Because his lungs collapsed.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Her father beat her

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What's the best part about having sex with twenty four year olds? There's twenty of them.

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Why didnt little Timmy come home? He was abducted into slavery.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs falling skydiving? Jon, because that's his name.

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What's 10 + 3 x 22 ? Cake.

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Your mother's so fat.....When she gets on the scale, it tells her how much she weighs

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What did Hitler say to the Nazis? I have a mustache.

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What did the broom say to the vacuum cleaner? "Your mom sucks."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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